17.

“Jack?!” Julian and Quinton called out in unison with a gasp. I flinched at their sudden outburst. Peter just looked at me with his eyebrows slightly raised, seemingly saying 'really?'.

I sighed at their reactions. “I knew this wasn't a good idea...” I groaned and fell on my bed, back facing my friends. “Oh no, don't misunderstand! We were just surprised, that's all,” Quinton said, trying to calm me. “Yeah, we didn't think of anything bad,” Julian continued, “right Peter?” I didn't have to see him to know that he was looking at Peter expectantly.

He sighed at the mention of his name. “Yes,” he started to talk, “did you really think we would react in a bad way?” he asked a bit doubting.

You see, the thing about Peter is, he really isn't a bad guy. He may sound like he doesn't care about you or something like that, but he just doesn't care about anything at all, so that's basically his normal reaction. He also sees himself as a pessimist, unsurprisingly.

“... no,” I responded, still laying on my bed. “See?” he reassured me with a shrug. “When you came out to us and we accepted you, we also accepted everything that came with it.” I was glad hearing these words, glad I had such good friends, glad to be how I really am.

I closed my eyes and smiled. “I guess you're right,” I said. “Today was just,” I was searching for the right words, “exhausting. That's all,” I finally explained, feeling the fatigue washing over me. “Maybe you should rest early today,” suggested Quinton. “Staying up until 2 in the morning isn't good for your health anyway,” he added with a smile.

“Hmm, maybe I should,” I pondered, taking a look at my phone. “But it's only 9pm! I could do so much in the next 3 hours!” I exclaimed. “Sure man, like what?” Julian stepped in, “staying on your phone the entire time, watching stupid YouTube videos?” he scoffed.

“What's wrong with that now, huh?” I retorted, digging myself under the covers again. “Goodnight then,” said Julian.

I tried to sleep.

11:27pm

And tried.

0:47am

And tried...

1:33am

I took a deep breath and looked at my phone again. 2:19am.

Why can't I stop thinking about Jack all the time? I cursed myself and groaned. This was the worst torture.

I closed my eyes again and tried to calm myself. I thought of his face, his body, his personality, his whole being, the feelings connected with him, the joy, the sorrow, the confusion, the longing, the embarrassment, everything came into my mind at once, that it was impossible for me to sleep.

My surroundings were quiet, but inside my mind it was deafening loud, screaming. I felt disturbed, hurt somehow. Before I knew it, tears welled up in my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, dampening my pillow. They wouldn't stop, so I continued to cry silently, sobbing under my sheets, while no one was there to comfort me.

I called out to Jack in my head over and over again, hoping for some miracle to happen.

But it never did.

I decided to go to the bathroom to wash my face, since I didn't want to go to bed with a crying-face, if you know what I mean. Red eyes, running nose, damp cheeks, tears everywhere, etc.

I silently climbed out of my bed, not to wake anyone, stepped into the dark hallway, walking towards the toilets, some sobs escaping my mouth.

I closed the door behind me and looked into the mirror. Oh god, is that me? Eww.

I reached for the water tap, but in that moment the bathroom door opened.

I quickly whipped my head to the side to see who came in and I saw a familiar face.

I felt the cold gust of wind coming from the door on my skin, instantly getting goosebumps. And I stood there, eyes widen, for I didn't believe that this person was here in front of me.

2:43am.