There is poison under my skin

In my soul, my heart.

It bubbles up, and I want to scream,

Break things, shatter the world.

Anything to make it stop.

I feel eyes on me, watching, criticizing

And I know it will never stop.

They will always stare,

And I will have to accept it.

I just want it to stop.

There is a girl staring at me

And I fight the urge to apologize.

I want to scream to her, “I’m sorry,”

Because she is me and I am her and I am destroying us.

I wish I could stop.

There are shackles on my wrists and ankles

And no one but I can see them.

I am trapped in this life,

This world, this plane of existence.

When will my captivity stop?

I rise from my grave of pillows and sheets

And I look to the boy who buried me.

When he touched me, I knew,

I knew that he could not make me feel.

If only the numbness could stop.

One day I will know how to live

Without regretting each breath.

But that day is not today,

And it is not tomorrow.

Will this ever stop?