Pain seared through my legs as my knees crunched against the ground as I fell. My legs just couldn’t hold me up anymore. I felt so weak, I could barely feel the gravel digging into my hands. Thirst burned in my mouth, and hunger roiled in my stomach. The pain from my infected burns that had been controlling my life for the past week suddenly hit me with so much pain that I collapsed completely on the ground. Around me, I hear the harsh whispers: “Lynn, are you okay? Can you hear me?” “What’s going on?” “Go get Kyle!”
I didn’t care anymore. All I wanted to do was to sleep. Sleep made the pain go away, but it brought the memories back. The fire roaring through the town. People screaming. Soldiers shooting randomly. My dad stuck under a fallen beam. The flames getting closer. Him screaming, “Get her out of here!” Me being grabbed and pulled away.
So many dead. What was one more? One more light snuffed out in an uncaring world. I was ready to die. I’m coming daddy. I’ll see you soon. The world faded.
And the world snapped back into place as I was roughly picked up. Screaming and shouting surrounded me. “What happened?” “Someone get water!” “Move back! Give her room!” Kyle. Kyle was here.
I could barely open my eyes, but what I could see was blue light. Kyle was warming up his magic. I tried to speak, to tell him to just let me die. But the second my mouth was open, water got shoved in. Against my will, I swallowed. Kyle’s hands floated above my body, his magic seeking out what was wrong with me. “Get the bandages! Her wounds are severely infected! Damn it, Lynn! Why didn’t you tell me!”
Because I want to die. Because there is nothing to live for anymore. But I had no breath to say it. All I could do was close my eyes, and hope that he failed. As the world faded again, I heard a chant: “Not one more. Not one more. Not one more.”
Not one more.
I awoke with the sun on my face and warmth all around me. I smiled. Finally, my pain was over. I was free. I moved to get up, then I let out a scream as the pain hit me. I was not dead. I was very much alive. I started sobbing then. Why didn’t they just let me die?
“Lynn! Don’t move! You’re still really hurt.” I turned and looked beside me. Kyle looked ragged, bags hung from his eyes and sweat covered his face. “You have been out for two days. I had to use all my skill to keep you alive.”
“Why didn’t you let me die?” I whispered.
Kyle froze, and looked me, “What are you talking about?”
I sat up as straight as I could and looked him in the eye, “Why did you fight so hard to keep me alive?” I demanded. I didn’t care who heard me. “I have nothing to live for! My father is dead! Most of my friends are dead! My home is destroyed! I’m just an extra person wasting food and water that could go to other people! I should not be alive!” Tears were pouring down my face. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Why did God put me here just to take everything away?
Kyle only crossed his arms. “Finished raving at the world sweetheart?” I screamed and threw myself at him. But before I could even fully stand up, my legs buckled and I started to fall. Faster than I have ever seen that 50-year-old man move, Kyle caught me and gently lifted me back onto the makeshift bed. “Now that was not a smart plan. You are injured, and I’m a Mage. Did you really think you could hurt me?” I snarled at him. He smiled back at me, “Now there is the Lynn who I watched grow up. The one who would beg me to leave scars on her so she wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. Where did she go?”
As gently as I could, I curled up on my side, “She died with her father.”
“Really? Then I’m going to start calling you Lazarus because she’s in there, alive and kicking.” I started to cry and Kyle pulled my head onto his lap. “Look, kid, I know you think that no one could possibly understand your pain right now. Other people have lost their fathers, but they couldn’t possibly be feeling as horrible as I am. But I’m here to tell you that you are never alone.”
“Is this one of your God speeches Kyle?” I murmured through my tears.
I heard his smile in his voice, “Maybe, but also know how much the people in this camp care about you. We have all lost something this past month, but how we get through it is by leaning on other people. If you try to carry this burden alone, you will fail.”
“How can you be so sure? How can the world get better?”
He went quiet for a couple of seconds. “The truth is, Lynn, is that I know what it feels like to beg God to just take it all away. The first time was after I lost my first patient. I was a doctor and a mage, but I could not save him. I lost my wife, I couldn’t save my friends, and I couldn’t protect us from the attack. But every time I get knocked down, I send a prayer up to God, dust off my knees and begin again. I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything, for they made me who I am.” He moved out from underneath my head and moved towards the door.
“It will take some time for your mind to heal, but don’t think you’re alone in this fight. You have more support than you imagine.” With that, he opened the door, and most of the village came flooding in to check on me, to bring me gifts, to tell me they were so happy I was alive. My cousins jumped on me, causing me to squeal in pain, but that didn’t wipe the smile off my face. My best friend embraced me on the verge of tears because she didn’t know if I was going to make it. Friends, neighbors, teachers, everyone who meant something to me was here because I meant something to them.
Almost as a whisper above the commotion, I heard Kyle say, “It is possible to find the strength to start again. Never lose sight of that.”
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