The apathy had fled in the face of Axel St. John.

Lian wasn't sure how or why, but in the presence of the big man, he felt more normal than ever before. He felt like laughing, like smiling. He wanted to tease and make Axel smile too.

He wondered for a moment, why he felt this way. Axel was new and interesting. Like when Lian had first found music.

He remembered listening to his brother trying to learn the guitar. When he asked his brother why, his brother had responded with: "Everyone loves the guitarist."

Lian hadn't believed Conner, but he had been fascinated with the instrument. With the concept of music in general.

To lay down your own soul and reach out for those exactly like you who feel the same way you do. To pour out your rage and your sadness. To blend and meld into something so beautiful with just four chords. Lian had been captivated by the idea of music.

So he had begun to learn too. First the guitar, then the violin, then the piano, and lastly the flute. He'd wanted to learn so much more...but betrayal had broken his curiosity along with most of him.

"Stop it." Axel said, dragging Lian out of his head.

Lian felt himself smiling despite his thoughts and that in itself was a curious thing. "Sorry." He breathed.

"Stay with me. I'm right here." Axel's words made Lian feel understood. The big wall of muscle that was also a gentle musician, understood him in a level he wasn't sure even Conner did.

"Okay." He agreed, knowing that for however long he stood beside Axel, he would try.

Hesitantly his hand reached out, wrapping itself around Axel's long dexterous fingers. Axel's hand closed around his own and Lian smiled.

"Let's go." Lian said pulling a bit on their joined hands as he walked out into the crowd. Axel following on his heels.

It didn't take them long to find both bands. Captive Wolves had been putting away their equipment in the back of a really old looking van when Moonstruck had found them.

Lian and Axel walked out just as introductions were made.

"We know who you are." The vocalist said with a small nod. The smile that had been a permanent feature on stage was gone, replaced by a blank look that Lian was used to seeing in a mirror. It brought Lian up short. "I'm Nathan. My bassist over there is Talia and our drummer Vincent. My brother Axel was the guitarist tonight."

"Yeah, we met 'em." Declan muttered. "Challenged me to a duel on the fiddle. Ye know if he can play at all?"

Nathan's expression chilled and Lian found himself flinching back. Was that how his face looked to everyone else?

"You alright?" The soft voice behind him grabbed all his attention.

"Yeah." He insisted, nodding a bit. "Yer brother's like a stone. He didn't look so severe up on stage, as I remember."

Axel smirked a bit, but his eyes held so much back.

"We aren't really close. Our mother put me up for adoption when I was born. He was born three years later but she kept him. She died a couple of years ago and I was his last living relative that wanted him. He's sort of like a fort. When he's on stage the doors are open and everyone can see inside. When he's not, they're closed." Axel explained with a wince.

Lian eyed him for a bit, processing the information before he made his comment.

"That's how ye knew." He said with a wry smile.

Axel didn't need expiation. "That's how I knew."

"He can play a bit of everything. But it's been a while since he's picked up anything but a guitar." Nathan stated with little fanfare.

Declan's eyes widened while Conner looked interested. Krystal was the first to spot the two missing bandmates.

"Speak of the devil." She said with a smile.

Everyone's attention turned to the pair strolling forward holding hands.

Part of Lian was nervous about it, but Axel gave his hand a small squeeze and Lian tried to calm himself down.

"Lian O'Connell." Nathan said, his eyebrow quirking up in a silent question at both of them.

"Nathan." Lian said back, not knowing the other man's last name.

"Gale." Nathan offered before bringing up his hand to shake Lian's.

With Axel's hold on his right hand, Lian was forced to give Nathan an awkward shake with his left. Something that brought just a bit of amusement to Nathan's stony expression.

Nathan let go before turning his eyes up to Axel, a question in his eyes and that damned eyebrow raise.

"I like him." Axel answered the unasked question.

Lian smiled, feeling the heat fill his cheeks as Axel squeezed his hand again.

Nathan's gaze when back to Lian and he felt as if he were under a microscope. Every bit of him up for inspection. His anxiety retched up violently.

"He looks like a lot of work." Nathan said lightly.

"Hey-" Conner stated, only to be stopped by the drummer of Captive Wolves, Vincent.

Lian felt the panic rise again, just like on stage. He needed an out, he needed to breath. He tried to tug his hand out of Axel's, but the man's hold only tightened.

"I've never run from a fight before. Ain't gonna start now." Axel answered firmly.

Nathan nodded once before focusing on a panicking Lian.

"You'll be okay." Nathan assured him cryptically before turning around sharply and walking back to his two band mates.

"The feckin' hell was that?" Conner sneered.

"Approval." Talia smiled.

Axel tugged on Lian's hand again and Lian's gaze traveled up Axel's body until he was looking into green honey eyes. 

"I'm still here." Axel smiled.

Lian could feel his panic calm despite the shaking of the hand not holding Axel's.

"Good." He breathed.

"Okay. I'm guessing ye all know why we're here?" Conner's gaze flicked once to the two wayward guitarists before turning back to Nathan.

Nathan merely nodded, not bothering to speak.

"Ye're kinda creepy mate, ye know that?" Conner frowned.

"I know." Nathan said, a small twist to his lips that wasn't all together pleasant. "You're not the first to think so."

"Good. So we'll be stayin' in town till the show, we practice every night at the concert hall. If ye want, ye can come practice there too. We'll talk to Tania about settin' you guys up."

"Is Tania the agent that came by a couple weeks ago to tell us you guys were considering us for an opening act?"

"No, Tania's our manager. She's got people to come out and scout, but she herself deals with us personal."

"Understood." Nathan said reaching into his pocket.

The vocalist pulled out his phone before unlocking the screen and handing it over to Conner.

"If you give me her number we will talk about rehearsal times and the show's time and date. Axel's got a fight in a couple days so we're not sure he'll be able to rehearse, but we'll make sure he's good before the show."

At the word 'fight' Lian felt Axel stiffen beside him and he looked up at the man still holding his hand.

"What do ye mean by that? A fight?" Conner asked Nathan before Lian could ask Axel.

"He's an underground fighter. He's kept his hands safe though, fights mainly with his elbows and knees but sometimes he hits too hard." Nathan explained nonchalantly.

Lian's horror must have been on his face when he looked at Axel because the bigger man flinched before his whole body seemed to curl into himself.

Axel let go of Lian's hand but Lian held on tight, pulling that same hand up to his face to look at the big man's knuckles.

The evidence was right there. Bruised and cut, Axel's knuckles were raw and red. It looked like they hurt yet the man had managed to play the guitar like nothing was wrong.

"Why?" Lian breathed out the question, his fear a completely different animal than the one he usually dealt with. He'd never felt this kind of fear for another person. It was foreign and uncomfortable and a part of Lian almost wished for the apathy to return.

"Axel's fights pay for the studio time we get." Nathan answered for Axel, taking care to answer both Lian and Conner. "We all work to pay for the apartment, but his biweekly fights give us what we need to record. Don't worry though, Axel knows how to watch out for his hands. He'll be able to play."

Lian couldn't care less about whether or not Axel could still play. He was still caught up on the thought of Axel in a fight. Of Axel getting hurt. Of Axel in pain. Lian felt the panic come but there was nothing he could do. His lungs were refusing the air he tried to feed them, his head was spinning and his vision was narrowing and his muscles were seizing up.

"Killian, baby, breathe. I'm here. Killian." Axel's voice tried to be steady but there was a hard edge of his own panic to it. Still Lian couldn't stop. He'd come to the edge twice tonight alone, now he was finally going over.

"No, baby doll, breathe please."

"Lian!"

"Back off and let him breathe! Come on, Boyo, we got ye."

Lian could feel himself being pulled around but he didn't recognize the voices or the hands. It was too much stimulation for him, too much at once, and still the thought of Axel getting hurt stayed in the forefront of his mind.

Suddenly the push and pulling stopped.

Suddenly his whole body was engulfed in warmth and a broad chest was pressed against his back as a rough voice whispered in his ear.

"Breathe with me, baby. In and out, in and out, slow and steady baby. Breathe deep for me, doll. I've got you."

Axel.

He was surrounded by the man, consumed by him. Big heavy arms anchored him to his own body as the heart beating at his back slowed his own down. Axel's face was pressed to his cheek, soft kissing following murmured words as Axel attempted to calm him.

"Ye stopped it." Lian didn't pay his brother's amazed voice any mind. He merely listened to the words without registering them. His focus was solely on Axel.

"How did ye stop it?"

"Axel went to college for musical therapy. He took a lot of psychology classes and physical therapy classes. Learned about all types of illnesses. When I asked why, he said that last time he couldn't save someone, so he was going to learn everything it took to do it right next time around." Nathan's voice buzzed into Lian's mind, his words almost getting through but not quite yet.

"That's why he knew. He takes care of people like Lian then?"

"No. He dropped out when our mother died. Started working at a gym downtown doing a little of the physical therapy he'd learned with the vets. When a guy approached him about underground fighting, Axe couldn't turn down the money.

"Ye got some weird lives don't ye."

Lian calmed slowly, his breaths even and clear. His nose was filled with Axel's scent and his body was warm from the heat of Axel's. It was the safest Lian had ever felt. The panic was distant at the edges and his apathy was non-existent. It was so odd to feel okay after so long feeling broken.

"That's it. There you go, baby doll. You're here with me." Axel murmured softly into Lian's ear. "Gave me a bit of a scare. I forgot what to do for a minute there."

"Thank you." Lian breathed softly, his eyes closed as he merely enjoyed the feeling of Axel's body. His hands came up to hold onto Axel's forearms where they held him tight around the shoulders. Lian pressed his lips to Axel's skin, keeping them there to just feel Axel.

With his head bent like that Axel had no problem placing small but sweet kisses to the back of Lian's neck. Lian reveled in them.

When he'd been in Depression he hadn't allowed a lot of people to touch him, and when he'd went into what he called 'remission' people hadn't tried to anymore. To feel such a sure and firm press of skin, to be surrounded by it brought Lian a measure of peace his tormented mind hadn't felt before.

Even as a kid, before he knew what Depression truly was, he'd felt the turmoil inside him. At first he thought it was because he was gay. Being from a catholic Irish family didn't give Lian a lot of hope for his parent's reactions. But even so he was very isolated. By his own hand he'd avoided people, he'd kept himself apart, away from the crowd. A lonely satellite merely floating in the gravity his brother provided.

For years he'd managed to keep it at bay. Managed to pretend and disguise. He'd stuffed it down inside violently while he grew up quiet and reserved.

And then the music had given him an out. Music gave him a release, a freedom he didn't have the words to explain. Conner could finally connect with him in a language only souls understood. He could finally gravitate with his brother. He could connect with multiple people, a whole crowd of them chanting his words like they felt them too. Lian could convince himself that he was almost human.

Then Conner admitted that he was gay. Part of Lian was excited because it meant he was normal, that he was fine. Yet he was still weird inside. Still scared and dark. So if it had not been his sexuality, what had it been?

When Conner had told their parents about him and Lian, their parents had left.

They returned to Ireland without a second glance and left Conner and Lian to fend for themselves. The Betrayal. Lian had called it ever since.

It was after that day that Lian understood that his darkness inside was an illness. Depression, Anxiety, Panic, and Insomnia all these words suddenly had new meaning, new faces. Like monsters hiding in the back of his mind, ready to consume his mind at the slightest provocation.

The label they'd signed with had wanted to drop them when Lian went over the edge, but it was Tania who saved the day. The fierce warrior princess was on their corner. Doctors, therapists, pills, meditation, conversation. With all these trials and treatments, Apathy reared its head. The radical other end of the spectrum, Apathy was almost more dangerous than Depression, certainly more dangerous than Panic. Because while the Panic tries to kill you, the Apathy doesn't care if you die.

All the time, every time, these monsters have always ridden with him.

But finally, god damned finally, they were silent. Music had been the release, the exit of the voices, but it had never stopped them.

Yet now they are stopped.

"Will he be okay?"

"Maybe not forever, but for a little while."

Lian wasn't sure who'd spoken and he didn't care because it hadn't been Axel.

No, the solid wall behind him was still purring softly into his ear, words Lian barely understood, but would listen to for the rest of his life if Axel wanted to keep doing it.

"Tania will start to worry. We're already late."

Conner. Lian was starting to pick out the voices chattering around him and Axel.

"I wouldn't separate them for a while. When someone imprints on another person that person becomes a safe space. If you want your brother to be okay, then let Axel talk it out with him. Axel's been holding people together for most of his life." That was Nathan, the stone-faced one.

"Has he held ye together before?" Declan, sweet and caring Declan.

"Yeah. He has."