19.
I should've felt happy about it, right? I mean, I did, but somehow I also felt...
… observed.
Was this how he always felt when I watched him from afar? Talking about karma... But I wasn't complaining in any way, don't get me wrong! It's just so hard to process that, especially after my life-love-crisis yesterday, Jack was following me since we departed form the hotel.
Now, of course he was following me, our whole class walked in a group, but because I always watched him, (which turned out to be very difficult, considering him always walking behind me) I noticed that he looked at me, most of the time, and instantly averted him eyes when he realized I was watching him.
Maybe he thought he was sneaky, but he couldn't fool me. It made my stomach feel kinda funny, knowing that Jack was watching me. The weird part was, we didn't talk to each other since the departure from the hotel, what made this whole situation a little awkward. Still, I knew when I was supposed to enjoy things without questioning them.
For his sake, I tried to look as oblivious as possible, talking to my friends normally, like the person I love wasn't actually looking at me all the time. No big deal. Really.
.
.
.
Ok, I admit, it was pretty hard. But I just couldn't help it.
“Seriously now, what's up with you?” Quinton asked, his eyes narrowed on me suspiciously. “What do you mean?” I answered with a goofy smile on my face. “Well, that!” he exclaimed, gesturing at me. “You smiled this stupidly since the hotel,” Julian added for me to finally understand what they meant.
“Oh, well, you know, I'm just happy,” I started a little nervous, trying to find the right words, “can't I be happy without a reason? You make it sound like I'm depressing and sad all time.” I said defensively. “Well, about that...” Quinton started with a taunting tone, laughing.
“Ha. Ha. Very funny,” I responded, the said smile disappearing. Oh, how I wish I had nicer friends. Just then I noticed Julian looking around, until he locked his eyes on something and smiled. “Ahh, I see,” he said in a teasing manner. “Huh? What do you mean?” I asked curiously, turning my attention to what (or who) he was watching.
Jack immediately looked away, pretty obvious by the way, and I instantly turned red. “It's not what you think, idiot!” I hissed quietly to Julian and punched his arm. He just laughed lightly and rubbed the beaten spot. “If you say so,” he said, “but he sure looked at you intensely...” he continued.
“And what do you mean by that now?” I pressed on, somewhat annoyed and embarrassed by his behavior. “Well, he didn't notice me until you looked at him, so let's just say he was very focused... on you,” he explained with me burning up once again.
“S-stop talking nonsense!” I retorted, “I said it's not like that!” And stomped away in a childish manner. “Just keep on believing that!” Julian called after me. I tried to ignore him to my best ability. After I was out of their hearing range I slowed down again. I sighed and looked at the ground.
He was just talking nonsense. I knew it wasn't right. Jack- I know Jack wouldn't- he wouldn't... My heart beat faster at the thought of him watching me for... for the reason I was watching him. I couldn't suppress the smile forming on my face.
I remembered how I really loved him. I imagined him being flustered around me, like I was, secretly looking at me, like I was, thinking about me every day, like I was, and wishing that we were- I couldn't continue my train thoughts, because my mind was basically a pile of goo at this point.
“Please mind the gap between the train and the platform...” I heard the announcer say through the loud crowd of people waiting at the train station. I didn't reunite with my friends during the remaining walk, petty like I was. I instead tried to stay in sight of the teachers, or at least of one student, and kept to myself most of the time.
The platform was full of people waiting for the next train, but not jam-full. When the next train arrived I looked around to see if student were going in or if we were going to wait for the next one. I spotted Jack and his friends entering one train wagon and we made eye contact. We both looked surprised at this sudden meeting and I quickly tore my eyes away from him.
I swiftly entered the nearest part of the train, because people behind me were rushing past me, partly pushing me into the public transit and I knew that the doors wouldn't be open for long. Luckily for me the train itself was relatively empty, so I could claim an empty seat.
I relaxed and sighed, closing my eyes for a short moment. After the train started to move, I opened them again to notice someone standing next to me. Without thinking I began to speak.
Comments (0)
See all