Just because things are going good,

Doesn't always mean that I am happy.

At school I tend to portray myself as:

Awkward

Cute 

And a bit of a smart ass.

I'm always smiling and laughing,

It can be quite exhausting at times.

2017 was a rough year for me,

I lost a handful of my family,

Lost some friends,

And I changed drastically as a person.

I don't like to wallow when I'm down,

Or allow it to consume me.

That's part of why I started this little collection,

So I have an outlet,

A way to unburden myself while not pushing it onto others.

But at times I can't help but just sit and let it fall onto me,

Like snow slowly accumulating,

With a cold weight on my mind,

On my heart.

I despise those who think that love and friends are an automatic cure,

That I should just try to be happier,

Or that I'm exaggerating how it feels to be in so much stress and mental pain,

That I literally ache.

My arms burn, 

And a pit in my stomach grows.

I just want it all to stop for a bit.

I don't want life to end,

But I wish I could pause it,

And rest under the stars,

Basking in a moment of ease,

Where I can let go.