I am a very messy person. I like to live in organized chaos and know exactly where I'm going to find things-on my floor. For example, my bra that I haven't washed for weeks, or the button-down shirt I never wore but put on the floor because I'm too lazy to fold. Not picking up clothes gives my mind a chance to map the floor like an archaeological dig site and know where both the older and newer (relative to when they became floor residents) clothes are.

But there are some items that never, ever get folded, even after making it off the floor and into my drawers. Those things are mostly bras and underwear. Also sweatpants, sweaters, jeans (just kidding, I NEVER put those away), shirts, and anything wearable. Basically, I never fold any of my clothes. But my clothes never see the light of day because I rarely go out, and I'm always wearing a jacket or hoodie, so it doesn't matter if they get wrinkled, stained, or gross from wearing them repeatedly until the smell can seep through whatever I have on over it.

I call anything I wear over my shirt my "security blanket." Completely unrelated, anyone ever heard of Charlie Brown? It's not because I'm almost 30 lbs overweight, or that my stomach has more rolls than every bread roll I've eaten combined, or that I have eczema on my arms that looks like acne BUT ISN'T, OK?! Ahem. It's because I love overheating in 80°F weather and looking like a tomato, I swear.

In all honesty, I do need to lose weight. Seriously, my arms look like sausages in sleeves. I get the whole body-positive movement, and it's awesome. And this is kinda the perfect weight at which I can eat literally anything and not gain weight. But I'm really unhealthy, and my body can't handle the extra weight. I mean, I have collapsed in front of crowds multiple times because either my ankles collapsed or my knee jumped ship-I mean socket. And let me tell you, it hurts. I'm not my pride by the way, that was ripped to shreds long ago. I have limped for weeks from the pain (and I have a fairly high tolerance), and been stuck with a knee brace after particularly bad catastro-KNEES!

Sorry.

Wait, what was my original topic I totally didn't stray from? Oh yeah, I never fold clothes.