NOTE: Spoilers to 1st Tokyo Ghoul Manga. This is a spoiler to the end of the manga with a slight alteration. Also, it’s a fanfic supporting KanekixHide, so don’t read if you don’t like~ Thank you and good bye~

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Kaneki never finished his fight with Arima. He had to flee… there was no chance that he’d be able to beat Arima. In his desperate time of surviving, his body just ran, unable to think about anything other than escaping. Surprisingly, he was able to get away. Now, it’s been months since that time. Kaneki lives alone, in hiding…afraid of what his “friends” would say to him…That they despised him, hate him because he ran like a child when everyone else fought. He has spent his solitude thinking, just thinking… Was it worth it? Why was he so selfish? Why did he run? Was his “sacrifice” all in vain…?

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I can remember that taste in my mouth. Deep, vivid, gushing out…I hate to admit it, but… it was so delicious, of pure delight that I’ve never tasted before. Why was it so pleasurable…why did nothing compare…?

Those thoughts have always run through my mind. I can’t stop them nor can I ever forget about them. I miss him…

I’m stupid for never realizing myself. You would think, I being so close to myself that I would know all about me. But really, I don’t. I’m a stranger yet to discover my own thoughts and feelings.

Running through my memories, the very first thought that appears is our first time together in that café. It’s the café I’ve always gone to…to admire a certain someone. I’d always come to that café because she was my distraction for then.

Haha…it’s funny how my very own distraction led to my demise that got me to realize my own stupidity. Even though, I was always there for her, I realize now, she’s was not all I was subconsciously thinking about. There was someone else that never left my mind. He was always in my thoughts, but it seemed normal for me because he was always present in my life, so I thought nothing important of it. Yet, it’s all I can think of now…

There’s the welcoming sound of his voice, his cute, yet handsome face, the excitement in his movements. I remember sitting down in this café, right next in the window, a table for two, just for me and him. We both had a cup of coffee. We were talking about what kind of dates would be good and what kind of dates would be bad. Ah…haha, I remember, our ideas of dates were totally different. Well, I guess the both of us don’t even know where to begin for that matter.

Imagining how he looked that day, he looked like a perfect, happy picture. One that I’d want to keep with me at all times. It’d make my heart beat that there’s such a person… such a light in my life. He made me feel like me… but I can’t even feel that anymore.

It’s a moment frozen in time. He was there. He was there for me. He heard about my interest and he supported me. He knows I’m not the most out-going person, probably even the shyish he knows. He makes me blush in embarrassment, he gives me confidence. He can sometimes be an idiot…but I like that about him. Without fully noticing until now, he’s been my brightest light. The light that will never go out, that will protect me in my darkest dark, and which will be by my side forever. That’s…that’s what I want to think.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen him. I haven’t had the chance to feel the warmth of his smile on me in a while. I haven’t heard his loud, yet soothing, ongoing chattering voice. His friendly physical touches that can calm my heart and race it at the same time. His bright personality that just seems to wash away all my worries and ease my mind.

Tears escape from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks. I just sit alone, crying softly.

Then… of suddenness… it’s back. The taste of sweet, delicate, and pleasantness. I…I couldn’t have done it. I don’t want to believe it. But I know… I must have… He’s probably gone. It’s all my fault, I’m a selfish coward.

Please… please, let this be a terrible dream…he’s my light… he’s all that I ever had…I need him. I’m too scared to do anything… Hide… I miss you.

Now sobbing on the floor, I can’t help, but stay here… remaining… until you come to bring me back to life, showing me your brightest smile.

“You never know what you have until it’s gone”