This scotch is getting empty. The bar table is cold on my cheek. I can’t lead a ship. I’m not cut out for this. The security officer and engineer next to me are talking about those star cruises back in the Solar System.

“They’re crazy luxurious. My friend’s brother got on one and I’ve seen the photos. The rooms are like ten times the size of the quarters on here.”

“Yeah, sure. But there’s no way in hell your ever gonna afford a trip with our salaries. You’ll have to get a job on board to even get a glimpse of one.”

“Who knows, maybe we’ll find some new race and a hot, rich alien princess will fall in love with me.”

I lift my head of the countertop and look to my crew members. “You guys… talking about that, uh, that Starship B-Bacca, shit… U-uh, the Starship Baccano or whatever?” I could’ve sworn there were only two but I’m seeing four. Wait, squinting is putting them back together. There’s definitely two, I think.

The green blur starts moving a little bit, “We’re talking about the Starliner Bacchina, yes. First Offi- Sorry, Captain. You alright? Are you drunk?”

I scour at the mention of that ship's name, “Not enough. RIN, scotch.”

The computerized voice plays through my chip this time, probably trying not to embarrass me. Not like I haven’t done that enough. “Captain, according to a scan of your vitals: you’re reading as intoxicated. I do not advise you drink anymore.”

“RIN, override. Scotch. Now.” The glass refills before my eyes. Beep-beep. “You gotta be fucking kidding me…” I try to bring my senses back to me long enough to answer the call. Bringing my wrist in front of my face, I focus all my energy into not slurring my words. “Thizzizz za active Captain.”

Yuki’s soft voice sneaks out of the communicator, “C-Captain? Are you… drunk?”

“Nooooooo” Yeeeeeees.

“Oh, alright. Well, the Corps is attempting to hail us. I assume you want to take it on the bridge?” Oh, shit. This better be the new Captain assignment. It hasn’t even been three hours and I’m already freaking out.

“Uhhh, yeah. I’llllll be there in a zecond.” As I attempt to stand up, I immediately stumble. I catch myself on a science officer’s shoulder and bring myself back up. As I begin to exit the cantine, the moment my foot crosses the doorway, I feel a prick on my communicator wrist. Instantly, my mind is cleared and I’m returned to my sober state. “Well there goes three hours of hard work.”

Entering the bridge, the typical group is all working their stations. A somber tone weighs on the room. Wordlessly, I walk down to my chair and take my place. Taking my seat I- “Uh, Clark?” Lance’s voice surprises me. I look up towards his station to see him looking rather puzzled.

“What’s up, Lance?”

“You’re, uh, in the wrong chair.” He points down to where I’m sitting as if I’m not aware of where my own ass is. “You’re the Captain right now. Shouldn’t you be in the Captain’s chair?”

“What?” Now, I’m looking down like I’m not sure where my own ass is. “What does it matter? The two chairs are exactly the same. The only differences is one is to the right and the other is on the left. Who gives a shit?”

Simon joins in from above me. “I agree with, Lance. I believe you should take the Captain’s seat, as you now hold that position. There is no harm in doing so.” I suppose he has a point. I sigh and get out of my seat. Walking three steps to the right, I give a sideways glance to Lance and plop myself down.

“You happy?” I look to Lance expectantly and with mild annoyance. He stares for a moment, deep in thought. I’m not sure how what chair I’m sitting in is this difficult to process but somehow he’s taking his sweet time on this.

Now he’s just being obnoxious: squinting his eyes and stroking his chin. “No, I think that’s weirder.”

Shauna spins around in her chair to see what’s going on. Her face instantly wrinkles up as she recoils at the sight of me in Rock’s chair. “Oh, no. No, that feels wrong. Get back in your chair.” I groan this time so they all know how annoyed I am with this stupid game. It’s a chair. Three steps back to the left and I’m home in my seat.

I barely touch the seat before the icy voice of Brenda scrapes my ears. “Clark, er, Captain…”

Whipping my head around behind me, I glare at her. “I’m not switching chairs again!” She looks down at me, annoyed but unsurprised, and simply gestures towards Yuki. Once again, Yuki is sitting at her station, hand in the air, cheeks as red as cherries. “Oh… Yuki, you’re welcome to speak openly. While I’m the Captain, I give you permission to say whatever you’d like, got that? We’re all friends here!” Except Brenda. “And if we’re all talking but you have an important communication, I give you permission to scream over us. Understood?”

She puts her hand down and nods. “Yes, sir. D-did you want to take that call from the Union? Also, I think you should stay in that chair.”

“Oh, right! Yeah. Put them on the main screen.” I adjust myself in my chair as the image appears on the viewer. Corporal Galvin appears in his perfect, purple uniform and his shiny balding head. He’s the typical older, white military officer and has the typical glass desk in an office with a window view to the rest of the moon. Even this far in the future, we still have old white guys in charge, not that I can say much since I’m just a younger white guy. “Hello, Corporal. It’s always good to hear from the Corps.”

“Ah, Captain Henley. What took so long? Your Comms Officer had me on hold for twenty minutes!” Yuki turns her chair around and covers her face. “Also, aren’t you in the wrong chair? The Captain’s chair is usually on the right of the Bridge.” Really?! We’re on the chair again? “Whatever,” thank God, “After the loss of your previous Captain, Rock Taggart… Wait, it was Rock who died? Oh wow, that’s a real shame. He was an amazing officer.”

“Yes, it’s very sad that Captain Taggart is no longer with us. But I’m sure we’re all eager to get our new assigned Captain and be back on our way!” I try and muster up the most genuine enthusiasm I can. I hope I didn’t show that I want to be out of this position too much. Eh.

“Ah, that’s what I was calling you all about. You all are to return to the Port Lang at Pluto. I’ll be meeting you there to assign your new Captain. Until that point, Henley, try not to get your crew killed.” He taps a panel on his desk and suddenly he’s gone.

“Thank you for the vote of confidence, Sir…” I rub my face with both hands, let out a long breath, and look to Terry. “Well, you heard the man, Terry. Turn us around and set a return course for Port Lang. If anyone needs me, I’m gonna be in the bar… Again.”