Rose closed her eyes and unwillingly tried to put herself back into the tank. She opened her eyes and saw the small lake. She tried again, longer this time: nothing. A cold jolt of fear shot through her. What was she supposed to do to get back? She squeezed her eyes tight and tried to remember something before she was a horse. Everything seemed so far away and incorporeal to her though. What and where she was now seemed to overpower her memories and pull her back each time she tried to get away. She opened her eyes again and still saw the lake. She shook her long head back and forth, and her mane danced along her neck with the movement. She clamped her eyes closed again and forcefully tried to get back to that tank. She tried to picture the tank, the room, and her human body but her thoughts seemed to strain against the back of her mind and it hurt a little. It was like trying to poke a needle through your finger tip. You knew pain would come when you pushed through so it made it difficult to actually do. She stopped. It shouldn’t be painful should it? She began to panic and she felt fear grip her. She looked around for the path that she had come up and couldn’t seem to find it. Had it disappeared? Were things changing? She took off in a gallop around the edge of the lake searching for the path. She couldn’t find it. She spun around and galloped the opposite direction even faster. Rose could feel gobs of mud flying up and spattering on her body as she pounded across the ground. She looked across the pond and then back in front of her. The path! She had finally came across it and took off as fast she could back the way she had come.
With all her speed she quickly returned to the opened glade she had started out in. The sun was further away from the ridge of mountains now and the day felt warm. She slid to a stop and squeezed her eyes tight hoping that since she was closer to where she started it work this time. It didn’t. She opened her eyes and took off towards the spot where she first remembered coming into the world. Her breathing was quick and short as racing thoughts, as fast as her hooves, overwhelmed her mind. She arrived at the spot and clinched her eyes tight again. She fought to go backwards and see the star field that she had seen before. She could still feel her equine body. She tried to squeeze her eyes even tighter and then realized how panicked she was.
She took a deep breath and tried to relax. Her eyelids loosened and she untensed her body. She focused on her breath and then on her thoughts. She tried to remember the beginning, in that room, the whiteness of everything and the glossy tank. The sterileness of it all and her human body. She remembered how small it was and she thought she was beginning to almost feel her legs and arms. She could remember her fingertips and short nose. She couldn’t remember her life beyond the room though. She concentrated more and could feel the heaviness in her limbs and slow deep breaths filling her lungs. She smiled as she opened her eyes and could see stars but the stars where those of having squeezed her eyes too tight again. As the black stars faded away the glade came in to focus and she looked down at her hooves that were still firmly underneath her. Hot tears filled her eyes and she shook her head again as she stomped at the ground. She couldn’t figure it out. What was happening. Had someone forgot about her? Had something gone wrong?
She paced back and forth and stopped every once in a while to try again. It never worked. The sun continued it’s path across the sky and as it began to set Rose wondered if she tried to sleep would she awaken from this dream. It was starting to feel less like a dream, though, and more like a nightmare. She was too stressed out to relax now. She wandered around the glade, not wanting to go to far way from where she started, and kept thinking that at any moment someone would come and wake her up. They would apologize for whatever had gone wrong and probably offer to refund her money. She practiced over and over how she would respond: sometimes angry, other times forgiving. The darkness of night soon engulfed the glade but her new set of eyes allowed her to see just fine. Her eyes ached now though and her mind was worn out as well. She considered lying down to rest but didn’t feel safe enough to risk it. Besides she knew horses could lock their kneecaps to stay standing while resting. She instinctively did so and let her head hang low. She was actually completely worn out and fell asleep in no time.
The next morning as she started to wake her thoughts drifted to coffee and plans for the day. She remembered the very realistic dream she had overnight about being a horse. She remembered that she had to pick up some groceries and made a quick mental checklist. She hoped to spend some time… She popped open her eyes as it dawned on her that it may not have been a dream. She was not. Everything was still the same as the day before. She was in a far off glade, another world perhaps, and she was still a horse.
She spent the next few days hanging around the glade. Every so often she would go back to that spot and close her eyes and relax. Everytime, though, she was met with the same results. Days quickly turned to weeks and time seemed to run together for her. Her mind seemed to spend more time on where she was now and less on where she came from. She would return less and less to that spot in the glade to attempt to return and the memory of that room was fading.
It had been weeks now since she arrived. It was harder than ever now to hold on to that room and that tank. She did not mind, either, that it was slipping away. It made it easier for her to deal with her situation. She knew what she was before but she couldn’t quite reach the memories of who she was before. Soon as she came to the realization that she could be her for some time she began to widen the area that she roamed in. The worry that she was consumed with before had shrunk into slight tickle at the back of her mind. As it became smaller and smaller her curiosity about the world she was in became bigger and bigger. She ventured back to the lake she had once enjoyed and began to search for other animals. Within time she began to see small forest creatures throughout the forest around her. When she tried to approach them they would scurry up the trees or into holes. She felt lonely but her fear was almost gone now. She started to spend more and more time in the forest wandering around and trying to get used to it as much as she was letting it get used to her.
Months seemed to have passed now as the days got shorter and the weather much colder. She was gradually making friends with the critters that had once gone unseen. Rabbits, squirrels, and deer all called the forest home just as she did. She learned how to communicate with them through looks, movements, and actions. She learned a great deal from them about how to survive and how to enjoy life. In later years they would enjoy adventures together before she drifted away from this part of the world.
At least once a day she would return to that glade and stretch her muscles and her lungs with an exciting gallop. Every once in a while she would pause to close her eyes and try to remember what it was she felt she was forgetting. Or was it that someone was forgetting her. At times she remembered a little of what she once was but it got easier and easier to let that life go. Something had gone wrong of course and now she was here, but that wasn’t a bad thing. She was happy. She intuitively felt that she was happier than she had been in a very long time.
Days stretched into weeks and months and her exploring took her further and further away from what she once called home. Within time she came across other of her kind and they welcomed her warmly. They became a family and she soon started one of her own. The past was a dream that she only encountered every once in a while during the night. It seemed unfamiliar to her now and a little frightening. She would awaken with a start and find herself safe with her mate and children. They all lived a simple life. They travelled the entire surface of the land they lived in and moved from feeding ground to feeding ground. There was never a shortage but they all had the same desire to be free and not have to stay in one spot. She proudly watched her children grow and then join with their own families and children. Life had become perfection for her. She had forgotten what stress was, and sadness. She knew only freedom and love for years. For decades. But it seemed longer, it seemed like infinity. And still it stretched on. She however didn’t. Eventually she could feel her body aging and not producing the power it once did when she ran. When she did gallop she felt more tired than she used to and afterwards her joints would be sore. But she was still happy. Her family had grown to an immense size and it was full of pure love.
Many more years past until she felt that infinity had become finite. Her body was weak and she was cold for more time than she liked. Even in the summer she felt a chill around her. She understood what it meant and guided her family back to the beginning. They walked for many days, she couldn’t gallop anymore, until they came upon a ridge. She looked down and felt the familiarity of it warm her heart and cuddle her mind. She looked at her mate and he nodded in understanding. They had been walking closely together for the entire journey saying their goodbyes. They nuzzled one last time and she slowly walked along the ridge. Her children had spread out along the entire length of the ridge and each one nuzzled her as she walked by. She came to the end of them and carefully made her way down the ridge and back into the glade that had birthed her. She was calm about leaving her family behind because she had spent a lifetime with them. She had given life to her children and watched them give life to her grandchildren. She felt complete but there was a sadness somewhere in her mind. Something not completed. She stopped halfway through the glade and contemplated the sadness. She concentrated long and hard and for a moment remembered a bit of her life before. She realized she felt sad that she had never said goodbye to family and friends in that life. But that was so long ago and so far away that the sadness soon slipped from her mind.
She looked up at the sky and whinnied at the clear waning blue ocean that stretched on forever. She took a deep breath and then broke into a gallop. She mustered all the strength she had to run across that field again. She wanted to feel the strength in her muscles and wind on her face one last time. She smiled inwardly as she felt the soft ground sink beneath her feet and the wind sting her tired coat. Her breathing had become very labored and she was quickly losing her strength. She slowed to a trot as she felt dizzy and a little sick to her stomach. She had really hoped to make it back to that lake one last time and taste the sweet water. She knew now that she wouldn’t. She came to a stop at the edge of the forest and turned to face the ridge. The sun was falling now and the sky was alive with the most beautiful pastels she had ever seen in a sunset. The air was cool and as she breathed out moist steam rose from her nostrils. In the distance she could see the faint blurry shapes of her family watching her. Some reared up on their hind legs and whinnied and others hung their head.
She began to feel tingle-ly, numb and her legs trembled underneath her. She lowered herself down to the ground folding her legs underneath her. It was becoming hard to even hold her large head up now and she brought it low to the ground. She could smell the deep earthy odor of the black soil beneath the blades of grass that tickled her nose. She nibbled at the grass but it had little or no taste anymore. Behind her she heard a commotion but was too weak to turn her head. From the corner of her large deep brown eyes she saw a number of critters slowly walking up beside her. Some she recognized and others were much younger. They were her friends from long ago. They chirped and nudged at her body as they gathered around. She let out a slight whinny and nodded her head in acknowledgement of their farewells. Her body grew cold first from the outer parts of her until her core felt empty and numb. She let her muzzle rest on the ground now and she felt her eyelids getting very heavy. She took a last deep breath of the earth and then let the weight pull her eyelids shut.
Comments (0)
See all