Gun shots.

Three.

One after the other.

Followed by a scream, a woman's. High-pitched that gave a sound to death. It was quick. Enough to make the world stop for only a second, before it ignored the things that were happening at one side to the other. One death here but ten more somewhere else. The footsteps that ran from the scene blurred with the surrounding sounds coming from the cars passing. The ground and sky mixed, creating one grey entity that didn't feel real. The colour knocked from my eyes, blurring together and spinning creating a heavy gravity at my knees.

I fell down. My legs not working as they needed, barely comprehending the situation. Feeling like I was getting trapped in a nightmare, a limbo that created a reality I never thought to live in. Falling into an abyss, hoping to wake up in a bed somewhere, where she was safe and not on the ground.

A cry.

My eyes snapped towards the still body, to the blood falling, to the pale face carrying pain.

She laid still and tight, refusing to move yet grasping for air as her slender fingers ran across the new wound. I crawled to her, not able to run or bring myself to my feet, scraping the skin of my hands on the rough pavement.

I was crying.

She was crying.

My hands shook as I grabbed for her body, noticing more how her face was bright and her eyes slowly losing response. Slowly losing the life they previously held. I carefully rolled her to her side, scrambling for the sell phone in her purse. Failing to punch in the number correctly, freaking out more each time it failed to dial.

112

She let out a pained cry, louder than before. For some reason I could feel her pleas. I could feel her begging for her life to end. I cried harder. My breath was caught. The voice on the other line asked questions I couldn't hear.

Asked where I was.

Asked what happened.

The only thing that could escape my lips was two words.

Send help.

I held onto her for my sake. Held on to her scent. Trying to burn the memory of her body into my mind. Told myself that I'll always know what she looks like. I didn't want to remember her face pale and losing life. I didn't want to remember the coldness of her body against me. Or the blood flowing between us.

It all moved to quickly.

The ambulance came. Paramedics asking questions as they were forcing her body out of my grip. One grabbing my back pushing me as the shock settled. I heard none of what they said. Their mouths moved but nothing was said.

Darkness

Maybe for only a minute, I saw a darkened abyss of nothing. Only a voice, her voice. Reaching out to me. Promising I would be safe. Promising she'd see me again. Promising that letting go would be fine.

It was the first time in my life I prayed to a God. Begging for her to live. Begging for her to have another chance. Begging for her to wake up so I could tell her how much I loved her.

They couldn't save her.

They called the time.

I screamed.

I didn’t want to lose her.

I wasn’t prepared to live without her. Wasn’t prepared to lose her. Wasn’t prepared to say goodbye.

Her body was lifeless and still. Pale. Gone.

I grabbed for her cold hand, rubbed against the knuckles, kissed the skin and wrapped my fingers around hers.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

I’m sorry mum.