Peter, Nick, Robin, Francis, Tom, and Snug are performing in front of a small crowd in town. Zelda and Helene enter and join the crowd. The performers finish their song and take a bow. The audience claps and starts to disperse.

PETER

Thank you all for coming out. Please drop some quazar into our purses if you have the coinage. We appreciate your patronage.

(Starts to wander around and smooth talk the crowd while other members of his troupe, not Nick, pick pocket people.)

HELENE

Those guys are pick pockets!!!

CROWD

What? Huh? Etc.

PETER

(Turns and walks right up to her.)

You are sadly mistaken, young woman. There is nothing to see here. These are not the thieves you’re looking for.

HELENE

You’re trying to cast an enchantment on me, but you know that fairies are immune to being charmed.

PETER

Eh. It was worth a try. Come on, guys. We should return what we stole. For now. We can just steal it back during our midnight performance.

TROUPE MEMBERS

Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Etc.

(They hand the stuff back and exit with the rest of the crowd.)

ZELDA

Well, that was certainly a bold move, but not very productive. The entire square is empty, and we still have three happy endings to fulfil. Do you ever think before you act?

HELENE

Yeah, but I think it’s pretty rare. Besides, if any of those people had been fated to meet the princes and the princess, they would have stayed.

ZELDA

Not if we have to piece these endings together by ourselves. Their stories made it so they were fated to meet who they’re with now, so we have to physically go out, find people, and make these happy endings happen. That’s our job.

HELENE

Oh right. I forgot about that part.

ZELDA

You think?

HELENE

Well, there’s a chance those people will still come back! And look, there’s someone coming now!!!

(Runs right over to Titania and Oberon as they enter.)

Hey, are you two together??? Do either of you have any interest in a prince or a princess???

TITANIA

Zelda, sister, what in the world is this girl going on about? Doesn’t she know about the hierarchy in the fairy court?

ZELDA

(Running over to grab Helene.)

I am so sorry, Titania.

(Low to Helene.)

What are you doing? You’re making me look bad in front of my sister!

HELENE

Your sister? Your sister is Titania the Brave??? The queen of the fairy court??? …Who I just asked if she was looking for a prince and a princess.

ZELDA

Well, you asked her if she was looking for a prince or a princess, but that’s not the point.

(To Titania and Oberon.)

Titania, sister, Oberon, this is the intern that will be shadowing me. We’re working on a case assignment here. It’s her first case. She’s very excited.

TITANIA

I see…

HELENE

Your Majesties, what are you doing here??? Are you a part of this fairy tale disaster???

TITANIA

I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.

(To Oberon.)

Why are we here exactly?

OBERON

It was getting stuffy in that old castle and I was getting tired of your constant griping, so I thought it might be interesting to come and see what kind of chaos we could stir up for the mortals.

ZELDA

Well, it seems the mortals have already made a mess of things by themselves, and we, or at least I, would appreciate it if you left us to do our jobs.

TITANIA

Really? What kind of mess are we talking about?

HELENE

The happily ever afters that were written for the residents of this town are all coming unravelled!!! We have to figure out how to fix them and get everything back on track!!!

TITANIA

Interesting…

(Glances at Oberon before turning attention back to Helene and Zelda.)

We will most definitely be watching your success, but more likely—failure, from a safe distance. We wish you the best of luck with your endeavour.

HELENE

Thank you!!!

TITANIA

Of course…

(She and Oberon exit.)

ZELDA

She wasn’t being sincere. You’re a fairy. You should know that.

HELENE

Oh, sorry!!! My ability’s a little screwy with other fairies! Besides, I know that one should always be on their best behaviour around the queen!

LYSANDER

(Enters with Rupa with trunks and broomstick in hand.)

We made it.

RUPA

(Reading a map.)

We’re not at the campus yet. We’re at Taedmorgan, but we still have to journey through the No-No Woods to get to the school.

LYSANDER

Ugh! Why? It feels like we’ve been walking forever. Stupid broomsticks getting tired out and deciding to go on strike halfway through the trip.

HELENE

Excuse me, may I ask who you are and where you’re headed??? Are you staying at all in Taedmorgan?

LYSANDER

We’re exchange students from Hogwash School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on our way to Medusa Gorgon’s Academy for Young Witches. My name is Lysander, and this is Rupa.

RUPA

(Low.)

You can’t ever tell a fairy your true name!

LYSANDER

(Low.)

I didn’t say my true name because even I have no idea what it means to have a “true name.” Besides, that practice was only used during the time of the Unseelie Court, and these fairies are probably with the Fairy Tale Fulfilment Agency.

HELENE

We are!!! And we’re looking for very specific people to fulfil the roles for the happy endings of our clients. Are either of you interested in a prince or a princess???

LYSANDER

A prince, you say?

HELENE

Two princes to be exact!!!

LYSANDER

Interesting…

ZELDA

(Low.)

Helene!!!

HELENE

(Low.)

Shh!!!

RUPA

Lysander, we can’t afford to waste any time. We’re already late.

LYSANDER

You throw yourself into work, so you can avoid facing your emotions. It would be better for our mental health if we stayed to relax and recuperate so we can be prepared for the school year ahead of us. Besides, Medusa Gorgon’s Academy is losing money. There’s no way it’s going to be as pretentious and academically challenging as Hogwash. And I couldn’t say “no” to an audience with royalty. Also, it’s the festival of Midsummer, so the roads will be closed. I can keep going on like this for hours. I’m not president of the Hogwash debate team for nothing.

RUPA

Ugh. Fine. One night. One! That’s it.

LYSANDER

One night is perfect.

RUPA

Oh gods.

(Exits.)

LYSANDER

All right. Will you take me to have an audience with the princes? And the princess…I guess…?

ZELDA

No, we don’t know anything—

HELENE

Yes!!! Come with us!!!

(Low.)

Don’t worry about it! I’ve got a good feeling about this!

ZELDA

Glad to hear it.

(They exit. The scene fades out.)