“How did you…” Rose started.
“Go on?”
“Yes, how do you live after having lived already. How do you get over the loss of all the people you knew? How do you deal with it not having been real?”
“That’s just it. It was real. They did exist,” Amana said smiling. “It all happened just like it would have in this world. Our minds are powerful and our imaginations wonderous. They create all these things by themselves with just some gentle prodding in the right direction by The Experience. But what we experience is created by our mind and so they are a part of us. They will always exist inside of us. If we keep their memory alive. If you choose to forget them, that is your choice. They still will be a part of you in some way. If you choose to remember them, though, they will always be alive. It’s sort of like the reverse of passing away. Instead of loved ones keeping your memory alive after you’ve passed, you keep their memory alive after you’ve passed. I guess in some ways it’s sort of better than dying.” Rose nodded in understanding and sat quietly.
“What if,” Rose started thoughtfully. “What if I go back?”
“I thought about that too,” she sighed. “But someone else that did go back talked me out of it.”
“Why, what happened?”
“It destroys the realness of it,” Amana tried to explain. “It becomes like a computer game or something. You know, like saving your spot and trying again later. It becomes ingenuine.”
“Like reading an amazing book again...it’s never as special as the first time.”
“Yes! That’s exactly it. Although the people you encounter in The Experience have no idea it’s not real, you know.”
“I understand.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Better. Still sad, but better,” Rose said softly. “It’s like what I’ve felt before when someone close to me passed away but so much worse.”
“I know it’s painful,” Amana said squeezing Rose hand. “But believe me what you will gain from this is so much more than what you lose.”
“I know, I feel different now...not necessarily smarter but maybe…”
“More mature?”
“Yes...I lived a lifetime already and now I get to do it again but with a different perspective.”
“Exactly. Just hold on to it because it can slip away,” Amana cautioned her.
“Really,” responded worriedly
“Yes, sort of like a dream. It can slowly fade away as time goes by.”
“What can I do to hold on to it?”
“Well for one,” Amana advised her as she pulled out a beautifully decorated blank journal from the side of the sofa. “The first thing I did was to go home and write it all down. I think that relieved some of the fear and pain I had.”
“In what way?”
“Because then I wasn’t afraid of losing what I had experienced. Whenever I feel like I have forgotten something I can go back to what I wrote, and it helps me to remember again. Sometimes I remember more details and I will add that to what I have already written.”
“Yes, I’m going to try that.”
“This is for you,” Amana said as she handed Rose the journal. Rose took it in her hand and flipped through the blank pages.
“For my story,” Rose said smiling. “Thank you, Amana.”
“You’re very welcome Rose.”
“So, what’s next,” Rose asked taking a deep breath.
“Back to the real world.”
“Yes, that’s right, I guess. Back to the real world.”
“But don’t forget,” Amana added. “Our perceptions are our reality. You perceived that time in the other world, so it was part of your reality….if you let it.”
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Rose smiled warmly at the young woman and then hugged her tightly. They both felt a connection in the embrace and smiled happily.
“You’re so welcome. I’m more than happy to help. If you ever need anything my contact info is in the paperwork that we gave you at the beginning.”
Rose stood and then hesitated for a moment. She turned and embraced the women tightly one last time. She let go and looked her deep in the eyes. She could see the maturity and depth in her eyes that a woman of her age wouldn’t normally have. They smiled at each other and Rose turned and exited the room.
Hours later Rose had arrived home. She was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to collapse on her soft bed and sleep for the next day, but she had to do something first. She slipped out of her flats and walked across the room to her desk. She still felt the absence of her extra legs. She still felt so light and for the first time she realized why she had been feeling so claustrophobic. Her field of vision had been reduced drastically from when she was that beautiful horse. She laughed. She pulled out her chair, solid wood, and sat down. There was a mirror here, but she quickly turned it away. She wasn’t yet accustomed to seeing herself in the mirror. She still had the after image of her horse life in mind and she was afraid that seeing her human side would make her lose the memories she was hanging onto. She pulled out a journal that Amana had given her and placed it on the desk. She took a long warm sip of coffee and took a deep breath. She thought for a second and then started to write...
“If this was as good as Rose had heard then this would be her new coffee shop.”
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