* * * * *

A new day, a new start. Evan left the computer off, which took some willpower considering what a hopeless Internet addict he was. Working as an IT technician didn’t help, either. Some days his life felt a little too virtual, so he tried to dedicate weekends to getting back in touch with the real world. In the morning he cleaned the apartment. Then he went for a light jog that was more like a brisk walk. Afterwards, he sat around, flipped through one of Julie’s fashion magazines, and eventually dozed off while watching old sci-fi reruns on TV. In the afternoon he made an emergency run to pick up Halloween candy, grabbing take-out on the way back and sharing a meal with Julie. Then he took a shower before putting on his costume.

Choosing a mundane costume this year was no accident. The year before he and Julie had dressed up as zombies, and while they’d had fun shuffling around at the party, being a living corpse wasn’t exactly attractive. No sex appeal, no phone numbers. This year Evan decided to wear something with a seductive edge. A doctor seemed a good choice, since the profession had positive associations with money and success, not to mention the whole playing doctor angle. The costume consisted of blue scrubs, a white overcoat, a stethoscope, and of course the weird head mirror. He even printed out a fake ID card with his name and photo, making it look like he worked at the local hospital. This he pinned to his lab coat.

“Looking good, Dr. Hansen,” Julie breathed when he entered the living room. “I think it’s time for my physical.”

“In my professional opinion,” Evan said, walking a circle around her while rubbing his chin, “you’re undeniably crazy, incurably insane, and way beyond the help of modern medicine.”

She looked it too. Julie was wearing a skimpy pale blue gown, which she’d casually cinched a few places to make more form fitting and sexy. This was countered by a number of disturbing stains. The fright wig had been a good call, but Evan’s favorite detail was the lipstick that cut a line across her cheek to her lunatic grin. So creepy! She shook a bottle of pills at him, demanding a refill and chasing him around the living room.

“I can’t help you!” Evan hollered. “I don’t have a prescription pad!

“What kind of doctor are you?” Julie raved. “I need my meds. And shock therapy. And maybe an enema!”

“Gross!”

Julie shoved him on the couch, then had a relapse to last year’s zombie persona and tried to eat his brains. Just as it seemed Evan was doomed, the doorbell came to his rescue. Julie got up to answer it, a chorus of “Trick or treat!” preceding her praising the different costumes. When candy had been dispensed and the door was shut again, Julie turned around. She wasn’t smiling. Instead she eyed him before heading to the couch.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, scooting over to make room.

“This isn’t working,” Julie said as she sat down.

Evan struggled to understand what she meant. “You’re thinking the nurse idea was better? It’s not too late. We can run to—”

“You and me.” Julie gestured between them. “It’s not working.”

“You’re breaking up with me?” Evan said, trying to make light of the situation.

“I wish,” Julie admitted. “At least that would mean we’d been together.”

Evan sighed. Not this again. “If I could be with you—”

“You would in a heartbeat. I know. I don’t want to drag us down that tired old road again. I’ve gotten over you as much as I can, but I feel like we’re still holding each other back.”

“I love living with you,” Evan said, fearing the worst.

Julie smiled. “I love it too. I don’t want that to change. Tonight is the problem. We’ll go to the party, and you’ll hide behind me anytime some hot guy looks your way. And I’ll be holding on to your arm, making them think you’re the only straight guy there because part of me doesn’t want you to find someone. Most of me does, because I love you, but I also want you to stay single… because I love you.”

“I know,” Evan said. He thought it over and sighed. “What’s the alternative?”

“You go to your party and let all those gay guys see a cute man on his own. I don’t think you’ll be lonely for long.”

“And you?”

Julie exhaled. “It’s time for me to rejoin my people. There’s this new kind of bar out there where the boys like girls.”

“No!”

“It’s true. I’m going to try my luck there.”

Evan looked her over. “Now I wish we had gone with the sexy nurse idea.”

Julie grinned. “Then again, any interested guy will know up front that I’m crazy.”

“Are you sure about this? Maybe we’re putting too much emphasis on relationships. Who cares if we stay single, right? All that matters is that we’re happy.”

“You ordered an autographed photo of a YouTube star,” Julie deadpanned, “and I felt jealous over that photo. If we’re going to get tangled up in a love triangle, it would be nice if the third person was real and not a piece of paper.”

“A high gloss piece of paper,” Evan said. Then he nodded. “You’re right. Okay. Tonight we fly solo and try our luck. If it doesn’t work out—”

“I already put two tubs of ice cream in the fridge.”

“Deal,” Evan said. “It’s either true love tonight or double fudge ice cream in the morning.”

Julie considered this and shrugged. “Or maybe both.”

Evan smiled in return. “Both it is!”

* * * * *

A very large house or a small mansion. Evan couldn’t quite decide. Regardless of which description fit best, the home was exceptional. In addition to three stories filled with sprawling bedrooms, gleaming bathrooms, and walk-in closets bigger than his apartment, the home also boasted its own small movie theater and had a number of curious touches, like the fireman’s pole that ended in the kitchen, or the lake out back with its own paddleboats.

Evan didn’t know much about the owner. A dead-end date had brought him here the first time. He’d been introduced to an older man and his much younger boyfriend, but hadn’t talked much with either. When he spotted the guest list sitting open on the kitchen table, he’d added his name and contact info. Ever since then, he’d been invited to the occasional party. Remaining anonymous at such events was easy, since the large rooms were packed with all sorts of people.

Julie was right. Normally they interacted briefly with a few of the other guests, but mostly they stayed together, having fun in a new environment. Without her to talk to, Evan was forced to mingle. The night had a promising start when a hot guy dressed as a civil war soldier started chatting with him. After a while, Evan realized he was talking to a lesbian. Maybe it was the fake beard that threw him off, or the way some women could resemble spunky young men when they wanted to. Regardless of gender, she was hot. And obviously not interested in him. Her girlfriend was very nice though.

Later, an older man spent some time with him. As it turned out, he was a real doctor, or had been before retiring. He teased Evan about the inaccuracies in his costume before he seemed to forget they weren’t colleagues and started talking shop. After suffering lecture after lecture about health care, patient confidentiality, and a few mysterious infections never successfully diagnosed, Evan excused himself.

He began missing Julie. The party was in full swing now, and everyone seemed to have paired up. A few guys caught Evan’s eye, but observing each revealed they were already taken. After wandering some more, he found a nice wall to lean against and contented himself with people watching.

“Now those are some tits!”

Evan rolled his eyes, trying to ignore the loud voices next to him. The two guys had been giggling and acting up for the last twenty minutes. Now he knew why people sometimes looked irritated when he and Julie got hyper together. Fun for them, but annoying for everyone else.

“A guy could fuck tits like that,” the voice continued. “I never understood why breeders are so into that, but I think I get it now.”

“Just be careful. Girl doesn’t shave her chest. How retrosexual!”

“Friction burns! Ow! I’d still hump those pecs though!”

Evan’s curiosity got the better of him and he glanced over. The two guys were young, probably fresh out of high school, and were passing a phone back and forth. One noticed him looking and turned the screen so he could see.

“What do you think?” the guy asked. “Would you wax him first, or just go to town?”

Evan’s answer caught in his throat. On the small phone screen, Tony Taylor was having a frank and shirtless conversation with the camera. His hair was slicked back and wet, which signified the infamous swimming pool video.

“Look at him! He’s practically drooling!”

“Can you blame him? What about you?”

The phone was shown to someone else, the topic of sex always luring in innocent bystanders.

“It’s not his chest I’d be interested in,” said the new guy.

“You want to get between his cheeks?” asked the phone owner. “I bet you could. Manly men like him are always bottoms. They look so butch out in public, but then you get them home, and it’s all fuck me, fuck me, please fuck me!”

“I bet you’re right,” said the newcomer.

“Let me see,” another voice said. “I can always tell. Mm-hm. He is! Power bottom. I bet he can’t get enough!”

“He’s not a piece of meat!” Evan snarled, his voice surprisingly loud. Then, quieter, he added, “He’s not a bottom either.”

The guy holding the phone glared at him. “How would you know?”

Because of Tony’s very frank video where he discussed the topic, but Evan wasn’t about to declare he was a fan. Not with so many heads turned in his direction. “Because I know him,” he said. “We went to high school together.”

Now the guys with the phone looked more interested. “And how do you know he’s a top? Did you sleep with him?”

“No,” Evan said, hesitating. “He talked about it once. That’s all.”

Two pairs of lips pursed at him. “Whatever! She’s full of shit!”

“He’s right,” a new voice said. “Tony is a top.”

Evan turned to see someone dressed as a matador. Behind the black mask, the blue eyes were strangely familiar. As were the slightly downturned lips.

“Present your evidence!” snapped the guy with the phone.

Evan watched in fascination as the matador walked up, took the cell phone, and tapped on the screen a few times. Then he handed it back. “I know because he’s my boyfriend.”

The two guys stared open mouthed at the screen, but Evan didn’t need to see it to understand. Tony’s boyfriend was in the swimming pool video too, toward the end. Evan often stopped the video before their on-screen kiss, but he’d seen enough to know the matador was telling the truth. He was Tony’s boyfriend. His stupid, luckier-than-anyone-should-be boyfriend.

The matador turned toward Evan, red cape rustling behind him. “He’s here. If you really know Tony, you should come say hello.”

A challenge. Evan felt sure that’s what this was. If you really know Tony—which you probably don’t—then prove it. Come talk to the legend himself. If it weren’t for the skeptical eyes around him, Evan would have declined. Instead he shrugged as if it didn’t matter to him either way.

“Yeah, okay. Why not?”

As he followed the matador through the crowd, Evan found numerous answers to that question. Why not? Because Tony wouldn’t have a clue who he was. Because Evan would be humiliated. And because he was supposed to be here tonight to move on from his unhealthy obsession instead of chasing after it.

“The real party is upstairs,” his guide said, bringing them to a stop before the first step. “You really went to school with Tony?”

“Yes!” Evan snapped. “We were in high school together.” Maybe he was being a little deceptive about actually knowing Tony, but they were in the same class. Why did people find that so hard to believe? Did they think people like Tony went to special schools populated only by super models?

“Oh, okay. My name is Orlando.”

“Like the elf?” Evan was well aware of his name, but felt it best to feign ignorance. Plus, the light jab made him feel better.

“You’re thinking of Orlando Bloom. I’m Orlando Logan, but I’m glad you think we look alike.”

That’s not what Evan meant at all, but before he could set the record straight, the matador was moving up the stairs with elf-like agility. On the second floor, they pushed past more people to a door that was closed but unlocked. Another stairwell awaited them, and as they climbed upward, the noise of the party fell away.