He should go. He should just leave and never come back because this was too embarrassing. The shower water shut off before he could flee. Soon Tony strolled into the room, wearing a pleased expression. And a towel around his waist, thank god.

“Was I taking too long?” he asked innocently.

“Yeah,” Evan said, stammering a little. “I thought you had drowned or something.”

“Really?” Tony nodded at Evan’s crotch. “Looks like I got you all excited. I just knew you’d have a big dick! Those scrubs yesterday could barely conceal it.”

Evan turned away, walked to one of the windows and looked out, trying to summon thoughts to cool his libido. He waited for Tony to come up behind him, knowing he would either flinch or give in when he felt his touch. Perhaps both. But it didn’t happen. Instead Tony spoke, sounding like he was still standing in the same spot.

“Too fast for you?”

“I was promised lunch,” Evan said with a nervous chuckle. “Why buy the cow and all that.”

“Fair enough. I’ll be ready in just a minute.”

Evan kept his attention on the street below, watching two old ladies have a conversation while their small dogs took turns sniffing each other’s butts. That was enough to get him out of the mood. Mostly. When Tony came back to the room, he was dressed. This returned an element of mystique to him. Sure, Evan had just seen all Tony had to offer, but the curves of his body being covered by a burnt orange T-shirt and pair of ripped jeans made him want to see what hid below again.

“I’m freaking starving,” Tony said. “Let’s go.”

Evan followed him out of the apartment and down the stairs. “Should I drive? My car is right over there.”

“Nah. There’s a diner around the corner that I love. They make a great triple cheeseburger. I usually get two.”

Evan laughed. “If you stacked them on top of each other, it would be a sextuple burger.”

“Always with the sex talk,” Tony said, shooting him a wink. “Can’t you think of anything else?”

“Says the guy who forgets to close his shower curtain.”

“Hey, I trusted you not to peek.” Tony nudged him reassuringly. “Across the street. That’s the place.”

They had missed the lunch rush, meaning they were able to get a table and service right away. Tony ordered his two burgers, a side of fries, and a malt. Evan opted for a salad, the grease in the air already making his arteries clog.

“So how was the rest of the party?” Evan asked.

“Boring,” Tony said. “I kept wishing you had stuck around. Most people there kept telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. I like that, don’t get me wrong, but it gets old. You, on the other hand…”

“Go on,” Evan said. “Sum me up in one word.”

Tony rubbed the scruff on his chin a moment. “Hesitant.”

Evan was appalled. “Really? I come across like I can’t make up my mind?”

“Sort of.” Tony shrugged. “I’m getting a lot of mixed signals from you.”

“Maybe because I don’t get what’s going on,” Evan said. “From watching your videos, I got the impression that you and Orlando are the perfect couple.”

“We are,” Tony said. “Why would you think otherwise?”

“The paddleboats. The shower a moment ago. Am I crazy, or were both an invitation for a hookup?”

Tony smiled at the waitress as she set down their plates. Despite being in her fifties, she still blushed. Then Tony popped a fry in his mouth and chewed. He nodded at Evan’s salad like he should dig in, so he did.

“I was hoping to set the record straight,” Tony said. “I sucked at explaining things last night. Like I said, one too many. Anyway, Orlando and I are happy. The thing is, I’m not the easiest guy to date. I’m needy as hell, and he shouldn’t have to deal with that, so I get a little action on the side.”

“I ran into him outside your apartment,” Evan said.

Tony shrugged. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. He knows.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t look happy.”

Tony checked beneath the bun, making sure there weren’t any onions as he specified when ordering. Then he added extra ketchup to both burgers, replaced the buns, and took a big bite of one. He chewed happily, making a few appreciative noises.

“Orlando looked unhappy,” Evan repeated, wondering if he hadn’t been heard. “I don’t think he likes you sleeping around.”

Tony rolled his eyes and swallowed. “If he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t be with me. Besides, he does the same thing.”

“Really.”

“Of course. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Are you always this tense?”

“No,” Evan said. “It’s just surprising, that’s all. You should make a video about it.”

Tony shook his head. “People wouldn’t like it. They only want to hear about fairy tale relationships. Orlando and I love each other and that’s all they need to know. If they knew what we do on the side, they would think we don’t care about each other. I don’t need to be judged like that.”

This made Evan feel a little guilty. He was beginning to feel old fashioned, so he searched for a more lighthearted subject. He commented on the food, then the song on the jukebox before taking inspiration from the videos Tony made.

“Hey, where’s your dog? I didn’t see her at the apartment.”

“Beanie lives with Orlando,” Tony said.

“But in the video, you adopted her.”

“I know, but Beanie got more attached to Orlando, so she stays with him. She’s still my dog.” Tony chuckled. “We just don’t live together.”

Evan was more surprised that Tony and Orlando didn’t live together. In a way, this was the first news that came as a relief. He’d always assumed that they spent every waking—and sleeping—moment together. Maybe they weren’t so serious after all. Except Orlando sure acted like they were.

“You really like my videos, huh?” Tony said between bites. “Maybe you should be in one with me.”

“Really? What would it be about?”

Tony looked him over. “About you. The boy wonder. The big mystery. What makes you tick?”

“My first interview,” Evan said, grinning at the idea. “Want to do a trial run? Hit me with your most burning question.”

“Um… When did you come out?”

“When I was thirteen. I called my grandpa and told him first. I asked him to keep it a secret, but he was near deaf and had this special phone that was really loud. My parents were visiting him at the time, along with my aunt and uncle, so everyone basically heard.”

“And how did that go?”

“They were cool,” Evan said. “My dad confided in me that he likes dressing up in women’s clothing. I know it’s not the same thing as being gay, but somehow it made me feel better.”

Tony laughed. “That’s awesome. When did you get your first boyfriend?”

“When I was eighteen, so it was a long wait. I worked at Walmart stocking shelves. Another guy there always caught my eye before smiling at me. One day I was in the warehouse area and uh…” Evan smiled at the memory. “He came right up to me, and without saying a word, he kissed me. Afterwards he ran away, but once I caught up with him, I kissed him back.”

Tony looked amused. “So you don’t always play hard to get.”

“Who says I’m playing?” Evan asked, not quite seeing the humor.

“Did you guys do it right then and there?”

“Nope. We went on a date first, although just to prove I’m not a total prude, we used to meet in one of the changing rooms for a little afternoon delight.”

Tony smiled appreciatively. “Nice. So what happened to this guy?”

“Once we really started talking, we found we didn’t have much in common. There weren’t any hard feelings. Occasionally we’d still hook up.”

“Thank god,” Tony said. “I was starting to think you were a lost cause.”

This wasn’t said with any levity, which made Evan feel like he needed to explain himself. “I like sex. Believe me, there are times when I can’t get enough. But I know from experience that sex with someone you love is way better than a one-night stand. In my fantasies I’m with a guy I know inside and out, someone I can trust. Someone I can do completely freaky and filthy things with all night, but those acts aren’t nearly as appealing without an emotional connection.”

Tony’s face didn’t indicate his reaction to this little speech. After studying Evan a moment, he said, “You love my videos. You like me enough that you wanted my autograph. Do you think you could love me?”

“Yeah,” Evan said, even though the confession made him feel vulnerable.

“Do you love me?”

A couple of days ago, he might have answered in the affirmative. But now he felt confused. “I think I love the person in your videos,” he said. “Does that make sense?”

Tony leaned back and opened his arms. “That’s who I am. Maybe it’s a little different interacting with me in real-time, but the guy in those videos, that’s who I am.”

Evan licked his lips, wanting to trust these words and get carried away in a whirlwind romance, but his stupid brain was insisting he reexamine all the evidence. “Your other burger is getting cold,” he said.

Tony laughed. “You sure know how to keep a guy on his toes!”

He didn’t seem to mind. Instead he resumed devouring his food, quizzing Evan on his favorite videos. That was an easy topic. He enjoyed so many of them, like last Christmas when Tony had collected toys for needy children, showing off on camera the huge haul he had gathered. Or the video guest-starring his grandma where Tony blushed as she told embarrassing stories about the trouble he got into as a kid. Or even the video with Orlando when he and Tony took Beanie out to the dog park, them laughing together as she hopped around and made friends with every mutt there.

Just talking about all those happy moments made Evan feel better about his obsession. Of course he loved Tony! Maybe it wasn’t true love, since he was normally just a spectator, but it was a love of sorts. There was nothing wrong with that. Tony certainly seemed to appreciate it.

After the meal, they strolled together around the block. Then they headed back to the apartment.

“Want to come inside?” Tony asked. “Play a couple rounds of ball?”

Evan shook his head. “I don’t like sports, remember?”

“Oh, right. I wasn’t really hoping to play video games. I just wanted to get you on the couch.”

Evan smiled, glancing toward the front stoop. The place where Orlando had looked so hurt. “Maybe next time.”

Tony took a step closer. “You’re not leaving without a kiss,” he said. “I made sure not to have onion breath just for you.”

If he wasn’t so damn handsome, Evan might have been stronger. But alas, he was human. Resisting a simple kiss was asking too much. Making sure not to close his eyes, Evan leaned forward, scarcely believing it when their lips touched.

And it felt so wrong.

Technically the kiss was good. Tony tasted fine, he led the way, and didn’t overwhelm with his tongue. Evan even liked how his scruff tickled. But something intangible, maybe even mystical, told him this wasn’t the right one. The smoking hot guy with the three-legged dog, the cocky self-assured man who made video lectures about commitment and did good deeds for charity—he wasn’t the one. How could that be?

Evan pulled back. Tony was grinning and seemed completely satisfied.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“Working. It’s Monday.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

Evan shook his head ruefully. “I’ll call you.”

Tony looked skeptical. “That’s what they all say.”

“And do they?”

After thinking about it, Tony brightened up. “Yeah. They always call me.”

“There you go.” Evan smiled, said goodbye, and walked to his car. By the time he reached it, Tony had already gone back upstairs. Instead of driving away, Evan allowed himself to remain there, his attention returning repeatedly to the front stoop where he’d had his brief encounter with Orlando. He stared at this spot, not understanding why he felt so unsettled. Or why Tony’s kiss had left an aftertaste of guilt in his mouth.

* * * * *

“The perfect guy,” Tony said, expression solemn as he faced the camera, “would have to be a lot of things. Handsome would be nice. Let’s get that out of the way. I’d want him to think I was hot too. Funny is always good. I like a guy who can make me laugh. Romance isn’t too important. I just want someone I can hang out with—a friend—except of course when the lights turn off at night.”

Tony laughed, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. He froze in that position, a series of little dots chasing each other in a circle. Evan swore, grabbed the mouse, and clicked. Once the resolution was lowered, the video buffered faster and continued playing.

Tony unfroze and resumed his speech. “Someone who cares about me and makes me feel special. I want to be his everything. That’s what I’ll be for him too. That’s what love is, I guess. When a person becomes your entire world, and you become theirs, that’s love. The good news is…”

Tony reached for the camera, adjusting it and moving it to the left. There, sitting next to him, was Orlando. His normally tan checks were flushed and his blond hair was in disarray, as if he and Tony had been rolling around in bed together. He must have noticed this on the monitor, because he hurried to fix it while Tony continued speaking.

“It’s my pleasure, my faithful viewers, to introduce you to my new boyfriend. Say hello to Orlando!”

“Hello,” Orlando mumbled. Then he looked over at Tony with a slightly panicked expression.

“Let’s hope he gets used to the camera,” Tony chuckled. “For now, it doesn’t really matter.” Then he leaned over.

Evan used to both love and hate this part of the video. He was jealous of this new person, especially when he had first made his debut. Seeing Tony kiss another person was almost painful. And yet, by concentrating on only half the screen, Evan could imagine those lips working their magic on him. This time when he watched the video, Evan focused on Orlando. His eyes were misty and half-lidded and he appeared to be in complete bliss. That Orlando enjoyed the kiss was obvious. Why Evan had not, still troubled him.

Guilt. Had it doused a bucket of water on the fireworks? If Evan knew for sure that Tony was in an open relationship, he could let go and enjoy himself. And if Orlando’s attitude indicated their relationship was crumbling, then maybe Evan had a chance to make his own dream come true. Or maybe, much like television, you couldn’t believe everything you saw on YouTube. Either way, he needed more information.

* * * * *