* * * * *

For the third time this week, Evan found himself parked in front of a familiar apartment building. Like yesterday evening, he didn’t get out of his car. Instead he sat there, a detective keeping tabs on a suspect. Going to the source wasn’t an option because even if he asked Tony straight up, Evan didn’t trust his own judgment when confronted by that handsome face. Instead he hoped to see… well, anything that would give him his answer. Like yesterday, he wouldn’t stay more than half an hour, because that would be weird. Weirder. But at least Tony’s apartment wasn’t much of a detour from where Evan worked.

He had turned the ignition key and was getting ready to leave when he saw Orlando walking up the sidewalk, carrying a cardboard box. Evan killed the engine and watched as Orlando went up the stairs and paused before the door, leaning the box against it so he could dig in his pockets for the key. The box was tilted dangerously and would surely fall over any second. Stalker boy to the rescue!

Evan hopped out of the car and hurried across the street. By the time he made it up the steps, Orlando had his keys out but the box was slipping. Evan grabbed it, Orlando smiling in relief. This expression soon turned to one of agony.

“Back for more?” Orlando asked, mouth tight.

“No,” Evan said immediately. “I’m not. Can we talk?”

Orlando blinked a few times. “You want to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Evan said. “Preferably alone.”

Orlando considered him a moment longer. “I looked you up in one of Tony’s yearbooks. You two really did go to school together.”

Evan tried a smile. “I’m an honest sort of guy.”

Orlando looked him up and down. “You were pretty chunky.”

“Chances are, I will be again,” Evan said easily. “I’ve got this thing for cupcakes. Can’t get enough. Once my metabolism slows down, I’ll swell up like a balloon.”

Orlando seemed momentarily amused. “I know a little bakery that will blow your mind. They might still be open.”

“Sounds good.”

“I have to bring this box upstairs first.” Orlando unlocked the door and took it from him. “Come on. He’s not home. I called before I came over.”

Evan followed him inside, feeling a little strange when they entered Tony’s quiet and unoccupied apartment. He kept his eyes away from the bathroom door where he’d stood and seen… Yeah. Instead he focused on what Orlando was doing. He had placed the box on the table and grabbed a scrap of paper to write on. His penmanship was large and loopy, making it easy to read:

More headshots for your adoring fans. You’ll have to do the envelopes yourself. My workload at school is too much, but each photo is separated by an address label. Just bag them and ship them off!

Then he signed his name, the “O” in Orlando having a loop at the bottom that made it look like a slash running through the letter. Evan stared at this and frowned.

“We can just talk here, if you want,” Orlando said. “Tony won’t be back for a while.”

Evan shook his head. “You promised me cupcakes.”

“You’re buying,” Orlando said. “Not me.”

“Fair enough.”

They went back outside, walking the first few blocks in awkward silence. Evan knew what he had to say, but couldn’t imagine it not resulting in an argument. He tried approaching the subject indirectly.

“I really admire the relationship you and Tony have together,” he said.

“Do you?” Orlando asked. “What exactly do you like about it?”

“Your openness with each other.”

Orlando snorted. “Yes. I can see why you would like how open we are.”

Evan didn’t speak as they waited for a crosswalk signal to change. They were in the middle of the road when he tried again. “It’s important for couples to talk to each other. To say what they want. Communication is key. You guys seem to have that part down. Personally, I couldn’t be in an open relationship. I’m an old fashioned kind of guy. But if you guys figured out what you both want, then that’s cool.”

Orlando glanced over at him, mouth a flat line. Then he nodded and picked up the pace. The bakery was indeed open. Orlando must have been a frequent patron there since they knew him by name. Only three cupcakes remained, which Evan bought along with two bottles of milk. Then he took the lead, walking a little farther to a park he knew of. Sitting down on a bench, he offered Orlando food and drink. Both were declined.

“If you’re an old fashioned kind of guy,” Orlando asked, “then why are you sleeping with Tony? That’s not exactly a traditional courtship.”

“We’re not sleeping together,” Evan said. “You two being together is holding me back. I don’t feel right about it, but I feel like I shouldn’t let it bother me, since it’s what you’ve chosen. And no, this isn’t the traditional sort of relationship I crave, but we’re talking about Tony here.”

He didn’t need to explain. Orlando even smiled. “He’s not easy to resist, although you seem to be managing. Now I know why he’s been in a bad mood the last couple of days. You might be the first person to ever turn him down.”

“I haven’t even called,” Evan said with a little laugh. “That’s so insane! I must be stronger than I think.”

Orlando looked puzzled too. “Especially since you’re only holding back because of me. Considering how I treated you at the party, I’m surprised.”

“All water under the bridge,” Evan said.

“I’m not usually like that.” Orlando studied the park bench, traced his finger along a line of spray paint. His face was more resigned than it was sad.

Evan felt bad for him, but decided it was time to pry. “I get the feeling that you aren’t happy with the arrangement.”

Orlando’s jaw clenched. “Only one of us is in an open relationship. I know that doesn’t make sense. Tony has permission to wander. I don’t need to. I’m happy with what I’ve got. Or at least I used to be. Tony on the other hand… You wouldn’t think someone like him could have self-esteem problems, but he does. He’s got this massive hole in his ego, and I tried my best to fill it up with love and admiration, but it wasn’t enough. A dog, the most loyal of companions, wasn’t enough. All his fans, all the comments and praise on YouTube, or the looks he gets from men and women on the street, none of that is enough.” Orlando sighed. “When he said he needed a little action on the side occasionally, I agreed. I hated the idea and we argued and fought, but in the end, I hoped it would be the last little bit he needed to make himself feel better. The sad thing is, I don’t think it really makes a difference.”

“Then why do you keep allowing it?” Evan asked.

Orlando laughed bitterly. “Because I’m a glutton for punishment. I don’t know. I’m a psych major, so maybe I see Tony as a giant puzzle I want to solve.” He shook his head. “No, that’s only a small part of the attraction. I feel like I’ve been in love with him since I saw the first video. He was talking about wanting someone, how he had all this love—”

“—building up in his chest, just waiting to explode for someone else,” Evan finished for him.

“That’s right!” Orlando laughed, for real this time. “You’re a fan, how could I forget? I guess that’s all I am too. A fan who got lucky.”

Evan was glad the mood had lightened, but he still had too many unanswered questions. “Tony said that you’re both open, that you go outside the relationship too.”

“Never!” Orlando said. Then his shoulders slumped. “Just once. Tony wanted to have a threesome, and I thought it might be a way to bring him back. I’d let him mess around, but only when we were together. So I tried. And I hated it. That’s not what a relationship is to me. I don’t have a problem with anyone else living their life that way, but it’s not what I dreamed of when I was a kid. As far as I’m concerned, commitment is just another word for love.”

Evan snapped his fingers. “I knew I wasn’t crazy! I remember a video where Tony was talking about commitment, and that’s one of the things he said. It totally doesn’t mesh with all this open relationship stuff, so I went looking for it the other day and—”

“I deleted it.” Orlando watched a hopeful pigeon strut around in front of them and frowned. “After the first time I let Tony stray, I wrote him a note. I was hurting, and I wanted to explain why. I hoped I could undo the damage, make him see things my way. Instead he took my note and used it as a script for one of his videos.”

Evan’s mouth dropped open, a physical representation of the pit that had also opened in his stomach. “That’s horrible!”

Orlando nodded. “Yeah. It is. At first I thought he had done it to show he understood and agreed. But really, I think he’s willing to do anything to make strangers love him. It’s the people who already love him that get the short end of the stick.”

Evan hunched over, stared unseeing at the leaf-covered ground. “The autographed photos, you’re the one signing them all.”

“Yeah.” Orlando sighed. “My fault, since the photos were my idea. Yet another attempt to show Tony how loved he is. How many people in real life can get paid for signing a photo?”

“So it’s all fake,” Evan murmured. “The dog was your idea, and you take care of it. You’re the one making time for the fans. He even stole your words. Next you’re going to tell me that you dressed up as his grandma for that one video.”

Orlando laughed. “No, but I was Tony’s body double for the swimming pool video.” He flexed a muscle that was barely there before growing serious again. “It’s not all fake. Those first videos, the one where he was so desperate for someone to love, I still believe them. I’ve seen glimpses of that Tony. Not often and not for long, but enough to keep me hanging on.”

“I’m sorry,” Evan said.

Orlando shrugged. “It’s my choice and my fault.”

“I don’t know about that last bit,” Evan said. “But there’s something else I’m sorry for. I kissed Tony the other day. It was horrible because all I could think about was how hurt you looked earlier in the day. Nothing else happened, I swear, but I wish I could take it back.”

Orlando nodded. “A kiss is pretty innocent compared to some of the stories Tony tells me. At least you cared enough to regret it, although I’m surprised you didn’t enjoy it.”

“So am I!” Evan said so earnestly that they both laughed.

“I appreciate you letting me vent,” Orlando said, “and as nice as this talk has been, I really have to get home. I have a dog to feed.”

“Beanie!” Evan said excitedly. “God, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to watch Tony’s videos again, but I’m still a fan of that dog. She should get her own channel.”

Orlando smiled. “Do you want to meet her?”

“Are you kidding? Totally!”

“Then let’s go.” Orlando pretended to hesitate. “Although this time, try to keep your tongue away from my loved ones.”

* * * * *