* * * * *

“I’ve never felt complete.” Evan stared into the impassive lens of the camera, wishing he was talking to a real person instead. Now he wished he hadn’t kicked Julie out of the room, but she kept insisting he take off his shirt. He hadn’t, because recording this video wasn’t about sex appeal. Not entirely. “Maybe that’s unhealthy to admit,” he continued. “It’s not that I don’t love myself or that I’m not a happy person when I’m alone. I do okay, for the most part. It’s just that I’ve always wanted someone in my life. When I was a little boy, I used to admire my parents’ marriage. Especially when they forgot I was in the room. They would have these simple little conversations together or would laugh at inside jokes. I even thought it was cool that they shared the same bed, since it meant they didn’t have to worry about any monsters lurking in dark corners.”

Evan chuckled, feeling a little more comfortable. “When I got older, and after I came out, I waited. With the hardest step out of the way, I figured it was only a matter of time before Prince Charming came to claim my heart. When that didn’t happen, I went looking. After a couple of bad dates, I thought I found the right guy. This happened a few times, actually, but none of my relationships lasted. Each time I would see potential and get hopeful, but after really getting to know the guy, we’d be incompatible for one reason or another and I would move on.”

Evan cleared his throat, pulse quickening. “Moving on is crucial. You can spend your entire life waiting for the wrong person to become the guy of your dreams. Sometimes it’s good to be patient or to help the other person along. But when you keep trying and things only get worse, it’s time to go. When you spend more time being hurt than you do feeling loved, it’s definitely time to cut your losses. That might sound sad, but freeing yourself means getting another chance to meet the right guy. I know this can seem like an impossible quest. Or sometimes it’s more like a war, a really lonely one, where it feels like you’re the only one fighting. I’ve almost given up a few times myself, but the thing is…”

Evan swallowed, licked his lips, and stared hard into the camera. “The thing is, I think I’ve finally found the right guy. Ironically, I almost passed him by. I’ve been looking so hard that I almost didn’t see the obvious. He was right there all along, waiting on the sidelines, which is wrong because he’s the one who deserves to be a star. He’s amazing, and I might not have a chance with him. But if I do, I want him to know that I’m interested. I’ll do my best to be careful with your heart, I’ll make sure you feel loved, and most of all, I’ll appreciate you for who you are. And I’ll respect you. When’s the last time you felt respected? But before any of this can happen, you have to make a decision. I know it won’t be easy, but when you do decide, and if I’m lucky enough… Well, you know where to find me.”

Evan practically gasped from being out of breath. His chest heaved a few times before he stopped the recording. He wouldn’t overthink it or rewatch the video. It was being published, right now, for the whole world to see. Once it was, he’d send a link to a user called BeaniesBaby. Then Evan would panic nonstop until he got a response.

* * * * *

Day three. Twenty-six views. This meant he was averaging almost nine views a day. Of course ten of those were probably Julie, who couldn’t stop raving about the video.

“It’s really good!” she kept reassuring him. “Even if people don’t know the background story, the idea of you addressing your dream guy is just so romantic!”

Evan thanked her each time, but he obviously wasn’t going viral. When Tony published a video, he got thousands of views in the first day. Not to mention all the subscribers he had. Evan still didn’t have one. Not even Julie had thought to do so. Maybe Evan should have asked his viewers to do what so many YouTube stars did: Be sure to like and subscribe! In a way, that’s what the video was all about. Evan hoped Orlando liked him, and if he did, maybe he’d sign up for regular installments. Phone calls, dates, first kisses and sleepovers… Evan sighed at the idea. Then he went back to panicking.

By day five, his heart ceased beating fast and began to feel heavy instead. His views seemed to have trickled to a stop. When he trudged home from work that night, he didn’t expect good news—like his first subscriber. Or the message in his inbox from the very same person. Palms sweating, he clicked to open the message and read it.

Greetings from your newest subscriber! I really enjoyed your big debut. It’s been a long time since a video has made me think, or inspired me, or given me hope. There was one such video that used to be special, but I think I got dazzled by the showy presentation rather than the content. A shame, since the experience left me shaken, but it’s strange how one thing can lead to another. Speaking of which, this night will lead to an early morning shift at my job. You should stop by sometime. We make the most amazing cupcakes.

See you around,

Orlando

Evan stared at the screen. This was good, right? Orlando wanted to see him. And to think he worked at that bakery! And yet, inviting someone to swing by your workplace wasn’t exactly a candlelit dinner. Regardless, Orlando’s willingness to meet again was a good sign. At the very least, Evan was eager to reevaluate his feelings. The best way to do that was to see Orlando again, even if it did mean waking up at the crack of dawn. All in the name of love!

* * * * *

Orlando wasn’t a glorious sight. The morning sun didn’t shine through the bakery window, catching his blond hair. Nor was he smiling as he handed an old lady a bag of donuts. He didn’t ask her about her grandkids, or even wait for her to get out of the way before addressing the next customer. Once they too had been served, Orlando rubbed his weary face, chugged down the remainder of his coffee, and looked bleary-eyed out the window. That’s when he noticed Evan standing outside watching him. Then Orlando brightened up and smiled. He turned to say something to a co-worker, his mouth moving like in a silent film before he hurried outside to where Evan was waiting.

“Fresh air!” Orlando said, sucking it in. “I don’t suppose you’re here to tell me you’re rich and want to support a poor tired college boy.”

“Sorry,” Evan said. “I’m still paying off my student loan.”

Orlando groaned. “When will it all end?”

“Hopefully not just yet,” Evan said meaningfully.

That he was testing the waters didn’t go unnoticed. Orlando searched his eyes with a subtle smile. “Did you see Tony’s latest video?”

Tony. Not the name Evan wanted to hear right now. “Nope. I unsubscribed.”

“You did?” Orlando looked impressed. “Wow. Well you have to see this one. Or a clip, at least.” He pulled out his phone and tapped it a few times. Then he leaned in close so Evan could see.

Evan didn’t notice the screen at first because he was taking in Orlando’s scent. Freshly baked bread, pastry dough, and a hint of frosting. Orlando smelled like the best breakfast in the world. He was wondering if his skin would taste good too when Tony’s voice started blaring from the phone.

“—and that’s why relationships suck!” he was saying, cheeks just as red as his eyes. Had he been crying? “What’s the point in giving someone your heart when all they’ll do is stomp all over it? I didn’t sign up for this whole love thing just to get hurt. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. Some people don’t realize how good they’ve got it. Am I right?” Tony sniffed, staring off into the distance. Then he glanced around the room, as if looking for something to say, but it was obvious his muse was no longer there. “So anyway…” he tried. “Uh. Like and subscribe, I guess. Peace.” The video ended but only after Tony glowered into the camera a moment longer.

“Ouch,” Evan said. “So you broke it off?”

Orlando nodded, looking vulnerable. “Did you really mean all those things you said?”

“Trust issues already?” Evan teased softly.

“I’ve been through the ringer. I’m damaged goods.”

“You’re wonderful,” Evan said. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Orlando smiled but he shook his head. “I mean it. My relationship with Tony didn’t do me any favors. Leaving him felt liberating, but it also hurt. I still need to recover from it all and find my feet again.”

“You need time,” Evan said.

“Right.” Orlando searched his face. “I like you, and I want to get to know you better. But I also want to take things slow.”

“No problem. Can we still hang out? Maybe meet up tonight and take Beanie for a walk?”

“Yeah,” Orlando said. “She’d love that. So would I.”

“Okay.” Evan said, a goofy smile betraying just how happy he was.

“And another thing…” Orlando bit his lip. “I really did like your video, but do you think you’re going to keep making them?”

Evan laughed. “Worried I’m going to turn into another Tony Taylor? Don’t. I haven’t exactly amassed a large following. In fact, I think I’ll make my channel private. I’ll keep my one subscriber though, and if I make more videos, they’ll be for his eyes only.”

“That’s sweet,” Orlando said. “Or hot, depending on what you mean.”

“Maybe a little of both,” Evan said with a chuckle. “So I’ll see you tonight?”

“Definitely.”

“Okay.”

Evan smiled at him a moment longer, then turned to walk down the sidewalk. He only made it two steps before someone grabbed his arm and swung him around.

“I didn’t mean that slow,” Orlando said.

Before Evan knew what was happening, lips were pressed against his own. A split second later, his muscles relaxed and he reached out to bring Orlando close. He did indeed taste wonderful, like the best thing that had ever happened to him. Then Orlando pulled away, walking backward toward the bakery with a dreamy expression. Evan imagined it matched his own. What a strange place for it all to begin—an empty sidewalk in Kansas City on a cool autumn morning. They were facing each other from a distance like two men ready for a gunfight, but only the stirring of love filled their hearts. When their big showdown came, it would be filled with laughter and affection, enough so that they’d never have to fight a lonely war again. 

-FIN-

Also by Jay Bell:

Something Like Summer

Love, like everything in the universe, cannot be destroyed. But over time it can change.

The hot Texas nights were lonely for Ben before his heart began beating to the rhythm of two words; Tim Wyman. By all appearances, Tim had the perfect body and ideal life, but when a not-so-accidental collision brings them together, Ben discovers that the truth is rarely so simple. If winning Tim’s heart was an impossible quest, keeping it would prove even harder as family, society, and emotion threaten to tear them apart.

Something Like Summer is a love story spanning a decade and beyond as two boys discover what it means to be friends, lovers, and sometimes even enemies. This full-length, gay romance novel is available in paperback and eBook formats.

For more information, please see:

www.jaybellbooks.com