I wish I could drown.

Once I'd be swimming with the bright blue sky and then, I'd be downward with crashing waves. And at that moment everything would be so much more clear, so, in control. Disaster has a way of remaking our hearts, long after all the thunder and scars. The storms would build overhead but the beautiful gold and purple would stay lined with the horizon. Weaker, slower, the bubbles would escape my mouth and just, float. Every story, every word would flash in with the blue. I could swim away but I'd rather just sink, here in your presence. The rain could come down, let the droplets crash into the sea. And as I drown in lakes of fire, I will call your name as I expire. I used to tell them that I was with you. Tell me, do you still feel this? All the sins bringing me further down, where the sea stays calm. If I could be part of this world somehow, there wouldn't be a space beneath the sand for me.

I wish I could drown.