Clifford

"Cliff, come on and clean the kitchen for me!" Mom orders me from the bathroom. She's currently curling her hair for the date she's about to go on in oh, I don't know, 4 hours. Why do girls need such a long time to get ready for dates? Yeah, I've been around when my mom prepares for one, but I can hardly notice a difference. Besides slapping some makeup on her face and putting on a different dress, she just looks like my mom.

Maybe I'll understand if I ever get married one day. A girl would have to be interested in me first for that to happen. Cue annoyed face. -_-

"Okay, I'll do it in a sec!" I shout back in reply.

"Aw, Cliffy. I always knew you belonged in the kitchen!" The girl I'm playing online with cackles at her own joke. 

Oh yeah, I forgot I was still online with her. I haven't met her yet, but we've been playing games online together for a few months now. Right now we're halfway through the Halo 4 campaign. 

"Oh shut up, Wallet Thief." I refer to her username seeing as she refuses to let me know what her actual name is.

She obnoxiously sighs. "You don't even understand the reference, do you?" She asks me with a flat tone of voice.

"Nope, and I don't care to." Moving the left toggle on my controller, my person moves towards the next checkpoint. We've been playing the campaign of Halo 4 via the online co-op.

"Ugh. You have no childhood, do you?" Static is the only thing audible as she pauses. "It's from Spongebob."

I zone in on the game, not bothering to reply, knowing she'll be irked yet go on anyway.

"Spongebob SquarePants? The episode where Man Ray tries to be good and return Patrick's wallet, but Patrick is dumb so he keeps saying..?"

"Fuck her right in the pussy?" I grin, shooting the enemies in front of us on screen.

"You're a dumbass. He says "'thats not my wallet'."

"Close enough."

"Go do the dishes, retard."

"Fine. I'll be right back." I sigh, pausing the game and taking off the headset.

"CLIFFORD ARE YOU STARTING THE DISHES LIKE I TOLD YOU TO?!" Mom peaks her head out the doorway of the bathroom to see if I actually got up.

With a lazy smirk on my face, I wave my hand in mock salute and drudge into the kitchen.

My mom audibly utters something along the lines of "smartass". A chuckle escapes my lips as I'm beginning to unload the dishwasher. Glasses go in this cabinet, bowls go on the shelf, but wait, where the heck did this spoon come from? It's plastic and red and not what we normally have.

"Hey, mom, can I just dump this spoon?" I call out to her.

She whispers something I don't quite catch. 

"Mom?" Curious, I walk around the table and towards the bathroom.

"Cliff...." she whimpers from in the bathroom. I sigh, shaking my head a little before making my way over and leaning my weight against the door frame.

"What is it, Mom?" 

"Cliff..."

I roll my eyes before mimicking how tired her voice sounds. I'm a great son. "Mom..."

"No, Cliff, honey." She pants wildly, walking backwards until she is out of the bathroom.

Now I begin to get worried. "What, mom? What?"

"I got a text..." She says so simply.

I groan. Congrats, ma. Welcome to the 21st century.

"...from your dad." She finishes.

Well shit.

......

I manage to calm Mom down by making her an amazing cup of coffee, i.e using the Keurig. Now she's currently getting ready for her date, again, avoiding her phone at all costs. I'm just finishing the dishes when a bleep coming from the Xbox grabs my attention.

Shit! Oh no no no no NO.

Leaving the broom against the marble counter, I scramble the short distance it is from the kitchen into the gaming room. Seeing as me and my mom live in an apartment, I'm used to compact living, which means I don't have to travel that far.

So how did I completely forget about the online game?

Controller disconnected. Please turn controller on or replace batteries. The notification onscreen says. Hastily, my finger pushes the middle button, anxious to see if she's still there. When the controller turns on again, I press the a button to get rid of the notification and then wait.

Thatsnotmywallet has left the co-op.

"Shit." I curse, wanting to kick something. Another notification pops up on screen. Thatsnotmywallet has sent you a message!

I hum a little of the Halo soundtrack to myself as I open the message.

Sorry, couldn't wait on you and your womanly ways.. I have to go flip some patties at the Krusty Krab.

The screen loads with a keyboard so I can type my reply.

Aye aye captain.

I take my time to type, knowing she probably won't get it until after work. But, she'll appreciate it, right? I can't help but hope for her approval.

God, I'm such a girl.