Walking alone in the darkness, I felt something cold and wet on my feet. I opened my eyes and found myself walking on crimson waters. A dead body floated to the surface then another and another until I was in a sea of corpses.
I saw Ivo standing in the middle of it all. I screamed his name as I saw a monster plunge a blade through his chest.
The monster shifted its gaze toward me. I saw its face. It was me.
Seeing myself… doing that to Ivo jolted me out of that nightmare. I thought I was awake, but I found myself still lost in a dream, this time I was lying on my bed inside my room.
“Hey, babe.” I heard someone speak. Then, I was pulled into a tight embrace.
“Stay away from me,” I warned, trying to sound strong and fearless. I could feel a lump in my throat, making my voice hoarse. My body was filled with overwhelming fear, which didn’t happen usually.
“Don’t be like that, baby,” he said laughing.
My screams were muffled as he pinned my arms above my head. He kissed my mouth and straddled me. I struggled beneath him.
Swiftly, he took off my clothes and hovered just above me.
“Ready, baby?” His voice was cold and lustful. “You’ll enjoy this, I promise,” he whispered in my ear. His eerie laugh made me shiver and cry, the tears streaming down my face.
He rammed himself into me, making me scream. “No! No, please don’t!” I cried.
He grabbed my hair and pulled it harshly as he thrust in and out of me at a rapid pace.
“Please don’t do this.” I sounded as terrified as I felt. “Stop, please.” I cried over and over but he just kept going.
I pushed him with all the strength I had and grabbed the gun resting on the night table. I aimed it at him and saw the fear and surprise in his eyes as I shot him right in the chest.
I crawled over to him to make sure he was dead. A feeling of horror crept through me when I realized it was… Ivo. I grabbed him and cradled him in my arms.
“No!” I screamed.
I sat up in my bed, shivering with cold sweat down my back. I looked at my hands, making sure there wasn’t any blood on them.
I gasped for air when I heard Ivo calling out my name.
He pulled me in for a hug, “It’s all right. I’m here. It was just a nightmare, Brandy. It’s all right.”
I began crying. He didn’t know the full extent of my pain.
He brought me a glass of water and put his arms around me while I told him what happened in my dream. “It’s just a dream. It will never happen. Let’s go back to sleep, okay?” he said and kissed my head.
“No, no, no! I can’t watch myself kill you.”
“Shh, you’re not going to. Don’t worry; I’ll watch you while you sleep. There won’t be any nightmares,” he assured.
I snuggled up to him and buried my head on his chest. I slept again peacefully in his arms the rest of the night.
***
Like the other day, I had a tough day at work and was a little bit down. I couldn’t remember when I’d spent just an ordinary day. At least things are better now that Ivo is around.
I’ve learned through the years that I can either choose to give into obstacles and become the victim, or I can learn to love more and overcome life’s challenges.
Lately, I’m beginning to develop a deeper appreciation for Ivo and feeling a love stronger than I have ever experienced in my life.
I’ve started facing what’s in front of me instead of trying to ignore it. There was a time that I thought I was going to die of depression. I didn’t see a way out. I couldn’t see past what was in front of me.
When things don’t get better because it will never get better, I hope people around me will be patient with me. I know this disease is beyond my control. I hope that they’ll accept me the way I am. I hoped that people will be kind to me. Each day I might struggle to keep up and understand.
Marge knocked and peek her head through the door, “Hey, Brandywiney! The day is over. C’mon, let’s eat! My treat!”
My pestering best friend was at my door right now ruining my moment.
“Marge, I can’t. Ivo is waiting for me, we’ll have dinner together.”
“So you’re basically telling me that you’re turning down your best friend’s offer because of this Italian hottie?” she teased while playing with her curls.
“Yeah,” I cringed. Admitting it like it was some dirty secret.
Marge had to bite her lip to keep herself from giggling.
“So girl, tell me how are things going with your Inamorato?”
I couldn’t deny my attraction to him. However, after all the times I’d melted in his arms and let my desire rob me of the ability to do anything but moan at his touch, I still had doubts.
“Well, every time I’m in the same room with him I just want to rip his clothes off,” I admitted. I could feel a blush warm my cheeks. “Every single time,” I added, my voice dropping to a whisper.
Marge had never seen the look I had on my face right now.
“But there’s so much more to him than that. There’s the way he looks at me.”
“How’s that?” Marge asked.
“Like… I don’t quite know how to explain it.”
“Like you’re extraordinary?” Marge prompted. “Like he can hardly believe that he can touch you, hold you, and love you.”
A felt a lump in my throat.
“This was the first time I had really experienced being lost in a man’s eyes.”
“Do you love him?”
Although my brain told me to answer, I couldn’t speak.
“Hey, what’s taking you guys so long?” Chief’s interrupted. His voice was loud, almost making Marge and me jump.
“Peter, can you just wait for a while? We were talking about Brandy’s boyfriend if you must know,” Marge replied in a clipped tone.
“So finally, our Juliet found her Romeo. I should have known. Well anyways, glad to have you back Juliet.” Chief was grinning from ear to ear because the last two issues of the Boston Daily received enormous praise from readers, specifically on my section. That means bonus for chief and an extension of contract for me.
***
I took out my compact to check my makeup and brushed my fingers along my waist length hair. After pulling out of the parking lot, I got into the left lane of the traffic after a long day of work on a Wednesday.
Everyone was heading home to something, or someone. And so am I, finally, after years of feeling broken about not having anyone.
I called Ivo about the weekend we will have together. We planned to just get away and spend time together.
The sun had long ago retired behind Boston’s skyscrapers’, leaving a dark blanket to cover the sky. Not even the moon could be seen tonight.
I found myself parked on the side of the road.
Where was I? I looked around but none of my surroundings looked familiar.
Too much stress. That’s it, just stress.
My world was spinning. I heard a loud noise.
What is it? It sounded like a siren.
Breath, Brandy, just breathe.
After a while, I started the engine and drove home. When I arrived at my apartment, I was met by a concerned Ivo.
“Hey babe, what took you so long? I was starting to get worried about you.”
“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I remember that I was on my way home from work and the next thing I know, I was in an unfamiliar place. I…I can’t remember what happened,” I confided.
“You’ve been under stress lately. C’mon, why don’t we sit down?” Ivo led me to the couch.
“That’s exactly what I thought. I’m stressed but I knew there was something to be concerned about. You’re a psychologist and you know what I’m talking about.”
“Babe, listen to me. Just because Alzheimer’s is hereditary, doesn’t mean you have to have it too. It just means that you are at a greater risk. You’re just having senior moments.” He joked, trying to lighten up the mood.
It worked. I chuckled and punched him softly on his chest. “Am I that old?” The mood shifted. Ivo didn’t answer but instead led me to the dinner table. There I saw that he had already made dinner for us. “You did this?” I asked, surprised.
“I guess I did,” he said as he scratched the back of his neck. I got on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“So tell me, how was your day?” Ivo started setting the plates.
I smiled; his voice was as sweet as ever. “It was all right, just a bit busier than usual.”
He was smiling as he came closer to me. He stared down into my eyes and I stared back into his amazing, hazel brown orbs. He brought his face closer and connected our lips, causing the butterflies in my stomach to go wild. I kissed him back softly, wrapping my arms around his neck. We pulled away, and I tried but I could only manage a weak smile.
“Brandy, everything will be all right, okay?” He assured, looking more concerned than ever.
I looked up at him and nodded.
“Yeah, I guess,” I smiled halfheartedly. “I’m just a little… not a little, I’m really not… I’m not used to this,” I motioned to the dinner Ivo had prepared.
“You better be used to it from now on.” He winked and then kissed my temple.
He pulled out a chair for me sit and then he took a seat across from me, and we began to eat.
The more we talked and laughed, the more I realized how comfortable we were together. I learned that he was accepted to be part of the Department of Brain and Cognitive Sciences at the Hippocrates Institute of Science and Technology. I felt so proud of him. In turn, I told him about my love for flowers and that I wanted to put up my own flower shop someday.
“Isn’t there a test I can take?” I found the courage to ask.
“What do you mean?”
“How can I know for sure that it’s Alzheimer’s or not?”
“Alzheimer’s can only be diagnosed by a series of medical, neurological, and psychological tests,” he stated. Ivo reached for my hand, “Try to relax, babe. Twenty-seven is a very early age to have Alzheimer’s. The odds are against it.”
“But it’s not impossible, right?”
Ivo failed to answer me this time.
“I want to know what’s wrong with me, Ivo.” The room was nothing more than a haze of color as the tears ran down my cheeks. “I’m lost.”
He stood from where he was seated and held me in a tight embrace. “I will always find you Brandy, always.”
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