“Hey, Irene. Long time no speech to.” May said to Irene over the phone, swinging her legs off the edge of a tree branch next to a tin roof. “I think I’ve gotten this place covered. Just give me a week or two and we should have their trust.”
“Ok.” Irene sighed through the speaker. “Aahhh, WHY’S THIS HAVE TO TAKE SO LONG!!!??” She wined.
May narrowed her eyes in disappointment. “Well, it’s a country Irene and I’m just one person. How do you expect me to speed this up?”
“Bombs!” She shouted.
“What!? No!” May shouted back. “We are not starting a war. We need to get the populace’s support so we don’t have to start a war.” She heard a meow from behind her. It was a black cat. “Here kitty kitty.” She whispered, beckoning it closer so she could pet it.
“Kitty? Is there a cat there?” Irene asked, diverting from the topic at hand.
“Yeah, a black one.” May replied, smiling to herself.
“Racist!” Teased someone in the background.
“Shut up!” She heard Irene yell to the possessor of the voice.
Am I on speaker? May thought.
“Anyway,” Irene said, returning to her conversation with May. “Aren’t black cats supposed to be bad luck or something?” She asked
“Nah.” May said, the purring cat. “I don’t really believe that, besides, they’re cute.” She smiled.
“No they’re not! They’re ugly!” Irene retorted.
May laughed. “That’s you’re opinion! And that’s your ‘skunk’ cat!”
“Stupid skunk cat.” Irene sneered as May laughed on the other side of the line.
All of the sudden there was a loud blast and May inhaled sharply.
“Hey, May, you still there?” Then she realized what the blast sound was gunshots. “I told you that black cats were bad luck!” Irene shouted through the speaker. Suddenly the phone was dropped and there was a muffled latter as the phone hit the metal roof. “May? Are you there? May?” There was another meow as the black cat bent down to sniff the phone.
May fell back, crippled by a sudden pain in her leg. She had been shot. “Dang it!” She muttered under her breath, grabbing her leg. She surveyed the surrounding area, trying to find whoever shot the bullet. She spotted a shining spot in one of the sporadic bushes. It was the glint of metal. She focused her eyes more and determined it was one of the terrorists. She closed her right eye, leaving her to use her galaxy-like left eye as a targeting system, and threw a dagger right into the man’s chest. “I hope I didn’t kill him.” She muttered to herself, struggling against the pain in her leg as she stood up grabbing her phone and hopped off the roof. Dang cruder niblets! Bad idea. She thought to herself as she landed, her leg giving out upon impact. She shakily made her way to the man she had just “shot down”, crouching down to check his pulse. Still alive. She thought. Good. That means I can interrogate him to get the locations of the other gangs and homegrown terrorists or whatever. Oh, man, this will make things soooooo much easier. She thought with a smile as she slung the man over her tiny shoulders. She started reaching for her dagger but pulled her hand back. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t pull it out just yet… If I do he’ll bleed to death! We can’t let that happen now, can we? She smirked. Limping she carried the man back to her base.
Soon the man awoke in a dark room with a metallic smell and damp air. “Where am I?” The man asked, looking around in the darkness.
“This, my good sir, is my wonderful toy room!” Said Irene’s cheery voice. “And you’re here for a play date, with my friend here…”
“Jus’ shut up, Irene!” May shouted, slamming her hand down on the metal table making all her tools rattle in the dark. “Now would you like to tell me where the rest of your little friends are?”
“No.” The man said defiantly.
“In that case…” There was a click and a bright screen snapped on. “I’ll just have to force it out of you!” May smiled mischievously “Well that just means I can finally try this method.”
“Just make sure you don’t kill him May!” Irene shouting from the phone.
“Who is that?” The man asking trying to hide the fact that he was little scared.
“Do be quiet, if you don’t mind, I’ll do the talking.” May said to him sounding annoyed. “And Irene why would I kill him before getting the valuable info?”
“Well…. You do get carried away when I assign you this task,” Irene said sounding a little worried, “just make sure you find out where the others are and what is there purpose….Then KILL him! Okay?”
“Sure.” Said May, trying to speed up the conversation. “Leave it to me!” May then turned to the man with a some-what psychotic smile and said “Now! Before we get into the torture, mind telling me your name? So someone will know what to put on your grave.”
The man, smirking, said, “Heh. You don’t have the guts to kill me. That woman on the phone even said you’re not supposed to.”
“True…. but that “woman” isn't here and how would she find out I killed you? But enough small talk! What is your name?” May said, smiling as she rubbed her hands together.
The man stayed silent refusing to give any information. May, losing her patience but a little excited, said “Hmm... You not gonna talk? Well, this is gonna be fun!” May smiled, deciding she going to start small at first but work her way up. She pressed a button on the remote starting to play some wonderful classical music. May picked up a box cutter and started dancing around him, filling him with tiny lacerations.
Nearly one hour later the man still refused to cough up any information. “Hmm, well this isn’t working.” She said, pulling her blood coated blade away.
“Heh, that all you got?” He said cockily, tears running down his cheeks from the pain.
“Huh? You kidding?” She doubled over, laughing. “We’re just getting started.” She cracked her knuckles. “On to the next level of torture! Muhahaha.” She said, making a failed attempt at faking an evil laugh. She pulled out a creampie.
“Hah! How’s that going to get anything out of me?” The man laughed, shaking nervously.
May smirked. “Oh, you’ll see.” She wound up her arm and slammed the pie in the man's face. He started sputtering and let out a screech of pain. The cream on his face turned red with blood. “Hah! Get’s people every time.” The metal shards that were hiding under the cream's surface fell to the ground leaving scratches and deep gashes in the man’s face. She found an exceptionally deep gash in the man’s cheek taking a flat headed screwdriver and wiggling it in there widening the wound. This should make things more painful she thought happily. More blood started leaking out. “Soooo, Got any beans ta spill?” A mischievous, sleepy smile slid across her face.
The man let out a pained groan, his teeth clenched together as not to scream out.
“Hmmm?” She prodded his wounds smirking as he squirmed. “No? Well, I’ll just move on to the next idea then.” She put the screwdriver down on a table. She picked a gun. “Ya know, you’re a terrible guinea pig.” She shot him in the leg causing him to scream. “That was just for payback.” She set the gun down. “I’ll just leave you alone now, let those cuts start to sting. But first…” She picked up a lemon, slicing it in half, squirting some of the juice in her victim's eyes and more in his cuts and scratches. “This should help.” She yawned, setting everything on the table. She looked at her pocket watch, a skull in the middle of a spider’s web surrounded by flowers engraved on the front. “Well, I’m going to eat lunch now.” She turned to leave. “Oop, almost forgot.” She limped back to the table, picking up a container and opening its lid to empty its contents. “Oh, just so you know I just let out a bunch of poisonous spiders loose in this room. If one bites you you’ll die… at some point.” She smiled. “I honestly don’t know when.” She flipped off the lights. “Now, even if your eyes stop stinging, you won’t be able to see what’s coming.”
So the torture continued even in May’s absence. The man’s cuts and bruises burning intensely as he felt things crawl up his arms and legs or sweep past him. Hours passed and the man started to fear that he had been bitten. He couldn’t distinguish the difference between a bite or a cut under the numbness.
May casually walked in a few hours later on a crutch, yawning. She flipped on the lights. “Ha! Looks like my idea worked.” She went over to the man, picking up a spider off his arms. “Looks like you got bit a few times! You should be dying sometime within the next few hours!”
He squinted his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
May snorted. “Huh, yeah I would.” She picked up another blade. “Hell, I’d even-” The blade came rushing at his face.
A dark purple rimmed void appeared next to the door on the other side of the room. A black haired boy with long bangs and yellow headphones with Kirby in them popped out of the void. “Hey, what’s the wifi pass…” May stopped right in front of the eye, glaring at the older boy as he realized what he had interrupted. “Oh, whoops! Looks like you’re busy right now.” The older boy said. “Well, I’ll just go then. Oh! And don’t give him lavender bleach! That would be a gift! Give him pineapple bleach instead!” He started backing away into the vortex. “Don’t give him lavender bleeeeeach.” He said, his voice slowly dissipating as he backed away.
She scowled at the portal. “What the hell? How’d Excalibur even know I was here!?” She said in an irritated outburst. “But that idea about bleach isn’t too bad, it would definitely burn.” She bent down to grab a bottle of bleach. She smiled at the man. “Now where were we~?”
May stood over the crippled and groaning bodies of the terrorists. Smiling she stuffed her gun in her pocket, whipped out her phone and called Irene. “Yo, I just finished taking care of our terrorist problem down here.” She said into the phone.
“Great,” Irene replied. “Do you have the government secured?” She asked
“Er… not quite yet, but the citizens are already ready for a rebellion so it shouldn’t be a problem.” May said, walking around and securing the men’s bonds so she could drag them off to jail.
“Well then what are you waiting for?” Irene said irritably. “Get on it!”
“I’m going to, geez! I can only do one thing at a time.” May retorted. “I’m going to need more supplies if we’re trying to fix the hunger problems here.”
“Well then get supplies! Do you want me to send some androids over with food?”
“Actually, yeah, that would be kind of helpful.” May replied, matter-a-factly
“Fine.” She said reluctantly. “But you better wrap this up quick.”
“Yeah, sure, Mrs. Queen of impatience.” She laughed, hanging up the phone.
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