Note: I don’t exactly know if this holds any spoilers for Tokyo Ghoul, but I guess read with a minimal caution of them.

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It’s so warm here. My whole body feels so warm. I feel like I’m floating, it’s so relaxing…kind of… otherworldly.

I open my eyes, blinking slowly. Dark outlines of things come into my vision. It must still be night time. I take a quick glance beyond at the night stand on the opposite side of the bed from when I laid. The clock illuminated a dim, light blue noting to be 1:45 A.M.

With no resistance to look down, I ever so slightly shift my eyes down at the one sleeping soundly next to me. There was a dark outline of blanket lump with a cute notable feature sticking out of the top, resting on a pillow. I see my sweet and adorable lover, resting so soundly without a care in the world…Kaneki.

His dark black hair drapes down his face slightly and atop his pillow. I can’t exactly make out his face features in this darkness, but I can imagine him expressing the gentlest face he could ever have…safe…happy…comfort…warmth.

I really do hope that is what he feels…here with me. Because I know he’s been having problems lately…I ask about them and he keeps brushing them off, like it’s not something for me to be worried about. But I care for him so much. He’s so much more important to me than he might believe that I feel for him.

I want to believe he’s trying…trying for me and for himself. I don’t want to push him away, to cause stress or discomfort with me. Maybe he’s just not ready to tell me his problems…and I want to be fine with that. But it just hurts me more and more that he hasn’t felt that he could share with me.

It’s not exactly that I hate bringing these serious conversations between us, I’d be more than compassionate and caring, but it just almost never ends well. He’ll just stop the conversation completely and lock it away…sometimes just leave ultimately without any other words. Those moments really do break my heart… I feel like I’m powerless. If I try in any way to directly help him, it ends badly.

I don’t want him to see it…but I’m falling apart inside. I’m always a bright, sunny, and joyful person, but all of this has taken a toll on me, as it probably is for him too.

I pull up my hand from under the covers. I place it on his exposed cheek. It’s so warm…calming…peaceful. “nngghh…” Kaneki wriggles his head just a tad in response to my careful, but sudden touch. I remove my hand because I don’t want to wake him up.

He’s still…Kaneki. He’s still the one that I’ve always known for most of my life. We have been together for such a long time. We may seem different, but we’ve connected with each other so tightly and deeply. He isn’t someone that could be replaced…ever. We both may have our secrets and problems, but it can’t be enough to ever break us apart. He means the world to me…he means everything to me. I will never let him go, I will never give up on him…even if he were to “kill” me…I’ll always be on his side, one way or another, through anything.

I extend myself closer to him and place a gentle, soft kiss upon his forehead.

For all the reasons because…

I whispered softly with a slight intent that he’d hear…and feel me.

“I love you, Kaneki.”