Secret Relationships

Chapter 1

Hopeless and Exhausted

Ding-dong, ding-dong.

An especially drawn-out bell announced the start of the break. The scraping of chairs being dragged filled the classroom. I sat alone at my desk amid the commotion and chaos, quietly staring at my graded June academic achievement test that lay before me.

I felt hopeless. I was the dictionary definition of dread or dejectedness. The future looked bleak. My vision blurred, and the sounds around me started to muffle. Just then…

“Daon.”

At the sound of a voice calling my name, I immediately made my face blank.

“Huh? Yeah?”

As soon as I turned around, a math test was shoved into my face.

“You busy? Can you take a look at this for me?”

“Uh…”

The boy’s innocent eyes sparkled with complete trust in me as he pointed to a problem marked over with an X. I felt immediate dismay, and I could feel the flushed skin over my cheeks get hot and dry. But then…

“Oh, sorry. I was just about to go to the bathroom. Maybe ask Minho?” I answered, barely managing a small smile as I discreetly folded my test paper.

“Yeah, sure,” he answered with a nod.

He was nice and polite about it, perhaps thinking that he’d imposed. He made his way to Minho, who was sitting near the window.

After folding my test, I stuck it in the middle of my thick workbook and got going.

I stared blankly at the water as it gushed with great force from the thin faucet. After a brief moment, I couldn’t help but feel like I was wasting water, so I quickly stuck my dry hands under the stream.

Idiot. You should’ve just said you didn’t know… But I placed first in both the entrance exam and the March mock test… Then again, this isn’t middle school. It’s hard to keep my grades up when I can’t go to cram schools like everyone else. I don’t even get tutoring, so…

I stood there with my hands under the cool, refreshing flow of water, these conflicting thoughts refusing to leave my mind. I bent over a bit and put my wet hands on my hot face.

I paused.

It wasn’t that I wanted to cry. I wasn’t that emotional. I removed my hands and looked into the mirror. A hint of color had finally returned to my pale face.

Good enough. I was about to wet my face again, but decided against it. I used my wet hands to turn off the water so I didn’t dampen my uniform sleeves. While the other students would complain now and then about how uniforms prevented them from expressing themselves, for someone like me who owned no more than a few very old outfits, the standardized uniforms were nothing short of a blessing.

Poverty was something you could see and smell, but, thankfully, poverty didn’t have a mouth. Meaning, as long as you didn’t announce your circumstances, it was possible to more or less hide them.

I brushed off the bitter feeling, relaxed my facial expression in the mirror, then turned to leave. I broke into my customary quick stride when…

“Ugh…!”

“Ack!”

Someone had just stepped out of a bathroom stall and was turning the corner when they bumped into my shoulder. I swear I was passing ahead of him, but he suddenly took a long step, causing him to collide with me.

“Ow…”

It startled me, and we’d bumped into each other hard enough to make a thud sound, so I unwittingly let out a pained groan. But then…

“What the f*ck?!”

I flinched at the sudden loud curse directed at me. An intimidating student was glaring at me menacingly—he looked like an upperclassman. The browbeating continued.

“Watch where you’re going, you prick.”

“Sorry…”

I felt resentful—he was the one who’d hit me after all—but all I could do was lower my gaze and apologize.

“You think saying sorry’s enough? The f*ck?”

The bullying escalated as he shoved my shoulders, so I had no choice but to stumble back. What the hell did he want from me?

After being shoved a few times, I unwittingly looked back up at him. Our eyes met. His gaze lit up like he’d caught the perfect moment to use against me. With a ferocity in his gaze, he grabbed my forearm in a painful grip.

“Oh, so you’re staring me down now, huh? You got a problem? Think you’re tough, huh?”

“Ah…”

I stifled a groan at his forceful grip. I instinctively tried to yank free, but that only caused him to squeeze harder. I felt hopelessly locked in his grasp.

No, I was scared. While feeling flustered, I let out a short breath. In that moment…

“Stop it,” a smooth voice interjected from behind. I hadn’t noticed him before, but another upperclassman was washing his hands at the sink.

“What?!” Even the bully, who was clenching my shoulder, seemed to freeze. He whipped his head around toward the sink.

“You probably bumped into him. So shut up already.”

The upperclassman was still calmly and coolly washing his hands. He had his back to us as he put forth his criticism in a flat, indifferent tone. He made it sound like this was a nuisance for him to be dealing with.

Then, the boy who was grabbing my forearm started to cry excuses like he was the victim.

“The f*ck do you know?! This prick bumped into me first!”

Seriously? How is this my fault?

I was the one who should have been crying out in indignation. And yet, the bully proceeded to grab me by the collar. He yanked me so hard that my feet skidded and my chest jerked upward.

“So…” The upperclassman, who had just finished washing his hands, calmly turned off the faucet, and just as calmly took in the words being thrown at him. “How long, exactly, are you planning on keeping this up?”

He straightened his posture and finally turned around to look toward us.

The guy grabbing my collar froze again, as if someone had just hit the pause button. After a beat, he clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Ugh, forget it.”

He finally let me go.

After my heels were plopped back on the ground, I tidied my crumpled collar.

“Hey, why so serious, man? I was gonna leave anyway. Let’s go. The guys are waiting.”

The bully turned away from me as if I’d disappeared from his sight. He then clung to the other upperclassman with a fawning grin, patting the guy’s shoulder—with a polite caution, of course. He let the guy walk ahead of him, and the two of them brushed past me.

I was silent.

For the briefest moment while the upperclassman still stood by the sinks, he looked back, and our eyes met. There was a depth in his gaze, an inexplicable confidence.

I think I held my breath for a moment.

“There’s still some time left. Let’s hit the snack bar.”

“Sure…”

When the bully patted his back and urged him to get a snack, he pulled his gaze away. Soon, I was left alone in silence. Not long after, I heard a voice from the hallway.

“Hey! Jaemin Shin!”

Jaemin Shin. I knew that name. Everyone did, really. Wealthy family, top grades, dashing good looks. Teachers never stopped praising him, and everyone admired him. He was a third-year, so this was the first time I’d ever locked eyes with him, let alone from this close.

Someone like him… probably won’t cross paths with someone like me again.

Brushing off the useless thought, I also stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway. I hurried along at my usual quick pace.

“Ugh!”

Once again, I collided shoulder-to-shoulder with someone heading in the opposite direction.

Was it a coincidence though? It felt intentional again. But before I could even react, I felt something being shoved into my hand. Thankfully, this time, no one was trying to pick a fight with me. Instead, they just sped off without even saying anything.

“Ow… Huh?”

Still, my shoulder ached from the impact, and I let out a small groan. I then slowly raised my hand, now with a small, folded piece of paper in it. I opened it.

“Uh…”

[I like you! Call me.]

I could tell that the person didn’t have the best handwriting, but had made an effort to write as neatly as possible. Under the terribly simple but earnest message was a phone number written in thick strokes. I quickly looked up to see if it was someone in my year, someone I’d maybe seen in the hallways before, but he was already dashing up the stairs.

I couldn’t make a sound.

I felt a faint tingle on the bridge of my nose.