Saggy old jugs have been all I've been held up to being attracted to. What I'm expected to slobber over like a dog eyeing two tennis balls. From my parents and friends the feminine bodies that are attached to those jugs is what I'm always asked about when the topic of romance appears.
In the past days all of that has been erased for me. Blandly walking the halls, playing along with having a crush on the cutest girl walking the halls, nodding off with the conversations of her curves and how the guys would seduce her.
Recently is as if my glass has shattered and all I can see in the remaining shards are his face. His gorgeous face, his green eyes his stubble and his graying brown locks. How his strong arms are hidden in his work suit and his mouth watering voice is lower than the bottom of the sea intoxicated me from the first encounter in a coffee shop down the block.
Each day after that has been typing away at my computer searching relentlessly for any mashups to his gorgeous face complex. Scrolling through unknown models trying to match the hundreds of thousands of faces with the one of the man I repeated seeing.
I keep typing.
'Images of middle aged men with brown hair'
'Images of middle aged men with biceps'
'Images of middle aged men with stubble'
Nothing. Staring at my screen leaves my seventeen year old eyes closer to glass usage as I press my palms against them to get some rest.
I look to my clock when I feel an unusual ray of sunshine on my face and gape at the time. Another night wasted with no result.
With such end the beginning of my day commences.
"Did you brush your teeth?" The strict voice of each morning that has been squeezed out of any femininity or joy asked as I zipped up my sweater and pulled out my chair at the table. "Check." I yawn answering my aunt. "Good, eat and bus." She lists and ruins my perfectly messed hair into an actual acceptable style. With a grumble I chew down the eggs and bacon placed down for me to devour on. "Burnt."
The air outside is pleasurable as we give way to the warm seasons and say goodbye to horrid winter. I walk dragging about my feet to the bus so I could leave to high school. A pointless task to brainwash our brains for the so called 'real world'. Study, remember, attack, clear and repeat. The key to passing with A's on every test though I doubt when I fill out my taxes the answer will be to find the hypotenuse.
It's all pointless and each living breathing human I converse with drags down my time. If only my death could come quicker and I could end the daily grind of each day. As much as I'd love to lie on a cotton designed coffin to fit my dog bones, suicide was always a dumb escape in my eyes since all the ways were painful and slow plus I never was good with knots.
Knots are infinite like the universe.
We don't even know our own oceans completely.
The oceans hold animals that count for food chains which make food webs that eventually comes down to everyone being eaten mindlessly.
Some are infinite too, so would that be cannibalism? How would human taste like? Disgusting with how much make up girls in my class pancake on. The guys would just taste like energy pallets.
Pallets are like pills.
Pills can kill,k so tiny yet deadly putting it in my aunts coffee mug and she would be lying on the floor, where would the body go ? Ho-
"Morning." I nod off to the bus driver and head off to the back of the bus. "Sup lame asses!" With a grin I plop down to be playfully shoved by James. Useless life form smelled like booze, speeding up the process wont make you have girls quicker.
"Dude you look like ass and not the meaty kind." Tom laughs and I rolls my eyes before laughing and smacking him upside the head. "You are one to talk!" Since your father is the definition of a green ogre.
"Yo buss driver dab!" James yells like poking at dead meat and the motions continues endlessly till we arrive at the school. Have you ever had a friend that you've known for so long instead of getting closer you notice more of their flaws? That's James.
I go through my classes just fine, though another pen has been bravely lost to the 'Borrow Pen' war of two thousand and seventeen. It was a red pen though, it should have felt honored.
"Ah, Logan can you remind us whop was that killed the great founding father?" I catch my name in the middle of my teachers lecture and I am consumed back in. "It was an Aaron Burr smartly so since he defeated his greatest competitor an hit the target under the meaning of karma. Ironic is it not?" I let out a chuckle as the room turns shallow quiet.
"Killer shot at explaining Logan." James comes in with the save and the class erupts into laughter before the scribbling continues. Lunch rolls around and I go to my locker. I stuff my books inside planning to come for the ones for my final period after lunch ends.
I walk down the hall and instantly slam and stagger back as the air is taken from me and my ears ring at the sound of multiple crashes. "Mother-" Father. Heh caught myself there.
"I'm so sorry." I voice begins to repeat the words in stress and soon I see a girl scrambling around the floor gathering various Shakespeare play books and stacking them back up. "Ah, no allow me." I hurry over and take half the books, maybe more like a third. It's fun to care about my masculinity. "Thank you! I'm on my way to the drama room it's just down this hall!" The girl smiles and begins to walk down.
Wait I thought I was only gonna pick up a third off the floor for her to stand, great now I'm wasting my precious poisoning time with the cafeteria food. "Here, you should ask for help next time." I lecture lightly as I place down the books on a table beside the ones she placed down.
"I would have if the others didn't run off the moment help was asked for. I'm Lucy." The girl smiles and holds out her hand before I take it with a grin. "Found you." I joke and she erupts laughing. "Jeez is it bad I was named after that show too?" She asks like it was the first time someone caught the reference.
"I don't know Lucy I'll keep an eye on you so don't go hiding." I smirk and dusts off my hands. Dust. The sign of wisdom and the janitor listening to songs of ginger teenage boys instead of doing his job "Well come on you owe me an apple." I smile playfully and Lucy follows confused. "Why an apple?"
"It's the only food that can't possibly poison me in the cafeteria." Lucy smiles and chuckles in agreement before we engage in conversation mostly about a super hero we both enjoy. A middle aged man wearing ninja clothing after a nocturnal animal that mega punches criminals off the street. I mostly like him for his enemy clown though. He gets me.
"The fact that you are saying the questioning villain is his greatest rival offends me to no ends." I snap at Lucy gasping in disbelief as she rolls her eyes. "He is under appreciated!" She whined and soon the times flies to where we are still arguing as we head for the buses. "Here is a riddle for you, ravioli ravioli admit the clown is sexioli." I scoff as she rolls her eyes and nudges my arm.
"I won't even begin on how you lamed you sounded." She snickered before waving off. "Have fun ridding the public magic bus to a pineapple under the sea!" She laughs and like a beam of joy that the gods have gifted me from above she leaves and with that I hope the gods also gave her with a recipe.
I return home and eat cereal, watch horrible remakes of super hero based shows into kiddie Dora remixes before heading to my room in yoga pants and a tank top. I glance at my computer as I turn off the lights and the home screen is the only thing illuminating my room. I think of going through anther man hunt before my phone dings. I pulls it off my nightstand and slip onto the bed.
Great that walking reference cringe machine has Facebook. I roll my eyes and press on the accept icon. Almost instantly one of my photos is liked by her. Great now she will drag me into the vortex of awkwardly liking hers too. I scowl and fight the sleep in my eyes as I open to her page. So she is one of those types of girls that posts pictures with her family. Better not check my tumblr.
With exhaustion I look around and like the end of the election voters I freeze in shock. I jump up and my body rushes with adrenaline as a smile spreads across my lips wide.
Well earned tan.
The most amazing dad biceps from holding groceries.
It was him. "...Well add me eyeliner and throw me into gospel." I cheer and jumps down as I like rapid at the billions of photos of him before downloading each one. A cropped version of only his face soon became my home screen and I was drooling over each one of the new treasuring images I had in my possession.
So this is why teenagers looked forward to their eighteenth birthday.
My breathing soon picked up and I made sure my shades were down as I slipped under the covers after turning on my fan. I click on a shirtless picture of a comping trip they went on last summer.
Slowly my hand moves down. My breath cuts short and I hold preciously in my hand under my pajamas my -