Pills have always been my solitude and comfort, my sanctuary and most of all, my humble friend.

I know it is dangerous to consume them every single minute, but I can't help myself. Some may say I'm addicted, but really, I'm not. I just enjoy the sensation of them sliding down my throat and into my stomach. Then they help me sleep better at night, or even give me illusions of my deepest desires.

Delusions are the greatest remedy for loneliness because you can imagine anything. You can make your dreams and wishes a reality for just a millisecond. You can forget all about the mysteries and sorrow that has manifested into our hearts and minds.

For just a moment, you can be happy about your life and feel content about the decisions you've made. Or more like, pretend that everything is alright. That’s what I like to do and believe me, it is great. Great until reality catches up to you and you crash and burn. Believe me, it is the worst – to crash and burn.

I'm not addicted, like I said. These pills I consume are just prescribed medication and are harmless. At night, I take sleeping pills. Maybe three or four to knock me out that I don't even wake up at night to relieve myself. I started at one, but as time flew, I progressed to two, then three. Three pills are wearing off now and not as effective as before. So, I might jump the line and consume four.

That is not an overdose I can assure you. And that's definitely not an addiction. I believe that what one believes is their reality and at times, it is the truth. Call me crazy, delusional and an addict if you like, but that won’t change what I believe in. Of course I will get hurt as anyone would in my case, but what I believe in is the truth to me.

The second medication that I take is anti-depressants. I think I overdose on them because I want them to be effective. I just want to escape the reality of the life I live and be happy. I want to be free from the troubles of my heart and mind. I don’t want to be a prisoner anymore. I have been a prisoner of my mind since I lost two very important people in my life. My mind is a wreck, a place made to destroy me. I am destroying myself slowly every day, thinking thoughts that make me hate myself more than I already do.

Some will say I look happy, but it's just the illusions that they'd like to believe, even if all the signs that I'm suffering are right in front of their eyes. They just like to turn the other cheek and pretend that everything is alright. Oblivion, I tell you, is the greatest doom to individuals.

I don't blame them. Even I wouldn't like to see with my naked eyes how I'm suffering. It would be a nightmare that would scar me for life. By not believing that I'm suffering or depressed, or anything of the sort, I feel better. By being positive, I feel positive that I'm so fine. That I'm alright. I'm okay and I'm FINE!

*************

"Mr. Jones, your meeting at one o'clock is cancelled. The other-"

"It's okay, Melissa. Just bring my lunch and photocopy these," I said, a smile plastered on my face. I handed her the pile of papers that needed to be photocopied. She quickly took them with a wide smile and saluted, closing the door on her way out.

To be honest, I never wanted an office job. I was working for a publishing company as an editor before I had this job. They did not pay well and I had bills to pay. Fortunately, I had two degrees. The first one I used it to work as an editor. The second one I used it to get this job. I'm a marketing director at Hughs' Enterprise. It's paying enough to maintain me and my lifestyle.

Since my meeting had been cancelled with the production team, I had free time on my hands and sitting alone was eating me slowly like cancer. Of course I was used to being alone, but too much loneliness sometimes got boring.

I had work to do, but it was not due until next week. I was also reluctant on finishing it because it was not good enough. I had my team to help me, but still... it was not good enough.

Deciding to just stop being a lazy ass and maybe for once get out of my office, I told Melissa, my PA, to stop getting my lunch.

Of course, she gave me the eye. The one that asks me if I'm okay because I never, ever get myself lunch. She always got me lunch. I just shrugged her off and continued on my way to the elevator. We were on the fifth floor, the marketing department. We were just low, but not lower than the production department. Going up the floors were the higher ups, our bosses. Then the boss, the CEO of this company was on the 30th floor. He was an old man that I heard was soon retiring and his son was going to take over the company. I only saw the old man a few times since I've been in this company. Only saw him across the room when he came on the first floor to do what exactly, I don't know. Other than that, I just saw him on magazines and on television. I never had direct contact with him or even a hello. I just hoped his son would not be a stuck-up asshole. It would be a shame if a nice man produced a little devil. Mr. Hughs was an angel, that’s what I overheard from the gossipers in the company. We had many of those, especially Lucy, the receptionist. That girl had a mouth too big I tell you. But she was decent in that she had respect and manners. Her big mouth that sometimes landed her in trouble was the one that got her out of trouble.

I finally reached the ground floor and got out of the elevator. I greeted Lucy when I passed her. She always had a smile on her face, a flirty one to be more precise. I made it out of the building and patted my pockets to feel if I had my wallet and car keys. I didn't even need the keys because the diner I was going into was just across the road.

It was a short walk and before I knew it, I was entering the diner. The annoying bell rang to indicate my presence and few heads turned my way. I paid them no mind and proceeded to an empty table next to the window.

A waiter came to take my order and I pulled out my phone to see if I had any notifications. From my mother or sister.

I had a missed call from Shelly, my older sister by six years. She just turned 32 a few days ago and I was unable to attend her birthday party because I was so busy caught up in my life to remember the important things that matter.

My food finally arrived, and I ate alone. I've been doing things alone for all my life. Never had a friend that I could rely on. Loneliness knows me by name and is kind of my friend. It is okay. What is the point of being close to people that in the end, they leave you? No point at all

I didn't even get to finish my lunch because I received a call from Mom. I didn't answer it for known reasons. She was just going to ask if I was okay or if she could come over to take care of me. I know she's worried about me, but I don't know how many times I've reassured her that I'm fine as wine. I guess it's her job to always worry about her children, but I did not need to stress her even more.

I ended up going back to the office. I had exited the diner and was just about to smooth out my shirt when I collided against a person's chest. I landed on my butt, the pavement sending a force so painful that I did not even feel my buttocks. I groaned in pain when the numbness passed.

"Fuck! Can't you just watch where you're going? Do you know how much this shirt costs?" the guy that crashed into me yelled, attracting unwanted attention our way. I looked up, but was only met with black shades. He was wearing sunglasses and it's a pity I couldn't see his eyes. He was probably roasting me with his glare. His shirt was soaked in brown. I'm guessing coffee since he's got the empty cup.

I stood up slowly and smoothed out my own shirt and wiped off any dirt that had accumulated whilst on the ground.

I could feel his heated glare as he was waiting on me. To do what, I really didn't know. I flashed him a tight-lipped smile and continued on my way.

"You're not even going to apologize?" he yelled, yet again attracting unwanted attention.

Apologize my ass! He's the one who should be apologizing, not me. I just fell and he only got drenched by his own coffee. I fell! On my butt!

I did the most mature thing that I could think of. The one thing that would surely come back to bite me one day.

I showed him the middle finger with a smile.