(content warning: swearing, discussion on depression, and suicide)

Beep, beep, beep. Disinfecting water and alcohol, the smell gives me a pain in my nose. The blank, ghostly walls push me, almost crushing me underneath.

"Charlotte Pines, please come to room 3 for your treatment."

I take in shallow breathes, the air hardly reaches my lungs. I breathe in the beat of my heart, light. My body is shivering.

I breathe again, this time, deep, air washes through my lungs," I'm here."

I take a seat, the doctor barely looks at me, she wrinkles her eyes, as if her sight is about to rip the computer apart. " So the results are out...You have moderate depression and light anxiety."

No, this can't be! I don't have depression! Look at how good my metal health is, it's not like I cut myself, or cry all the time like the other patients do!

"Docter, do I need to take medicine?" there is a bitter-sweet taste in my throat.

"No! Just try to heal yourself, you'll be fine! Please come here so I can check yout progress in two monthes."

"But I..."

"Next patient!"

I've waited three hours for the treatment, but this is all I get? A terrible attitude and four cold words! "You have moderate depression." does he even know what depression freaking means! How dare he say that to me! I'm the top of our grade, all of my exam scores rank number one! I have straight As and NEVER got a grade lower than that! HOW COULD HE JUST RUIN MY LIFE LIKE THAT! How could he?

I run straight home, slamming the door behind me. Then, I jog up the stairs, two steps at a time. Bang! Goes my door. Bang! Goes my bag against the floor. I paint, huff, huff, huff, huff... must... take...in..air...huff...huff...

Then, the world stops rotating, my body stops functioning. There is nothing in my mind, nothing. I just want to stay like this, silent, without any emotions. My soul is floating above my body, I wave my hand, it feels weird, I have control to my body, or do I? How did I just move my hand? It seems like it's me, or is it just my body, not me?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" give, me, back, my, body! Give, me, my, PERFECT, LIFE, back! Huff, huff, huff. The scream is a needle, gripping though the air, gripping apart my throat. But I don't care. All I want, is my life back!

I collapse into my bed, the blankets have the scent of honeysuckles, I grow them in the yard. It is sweet, as if the sun gave all of its light and love to it. I see myself, laughing and cheering on the grass, joking and playing with my friends. How long has it been since I last felt like that? It feels like monthes.

But life has to go on. I still go to school each day, I still chat with my friends like nothing has happened.

I sit still on a chair, the blood in my vessels freeze, I can hear the teacher in the next classroom talking about literacy devices, but I also hear the sharp, high pitched electronic waves, cutting through the air, it's like I'm hearing silence. No, no, no! Not again!

"Hey Char!" it's Angela, my best friend, I always forget she also has a free E block," You doing alright? It's like you haven't been yourself since your visit to the doctor."

She seems worried, should I tell her about my depression? Would she does not be my friend after this? But if I hide it from her, it would seem I didn't trust her. What should I do about it?

"Em...I'm fine...Totally fine!" I'm sure she doesn't believe me.

"Right..." She squeezes her eyebrows together," Anyway, if you're feeling bad, there's a cafe near my place, Furry Cat Cafe, here's the address, Seaside Street 21."

"Thanks."

It's getting worse and worse. I feel like a robot everyday, doing what I am suppose to do. Get up, eat breakfast, go to school, have class, eat lunch, have classes again, go home, do my homework, eat dinner, study, go to bed...It goes again and again and again. I'm trapped, in an endless cycle. A single mistake could destroy my perfect life. I just have to keep it up, and everything will be alright,right? Say goodbye, stupid depression!

It is finally the weekend! I approach my room, my body feels soft, like a pile of cotton, I feel heavy, did someone tie rocks to my feet? I'm just so tried I could sleep for a day, maybe it's just because of the journalism club meeting. My bed sheets are clouds, I drift to sleep, six hours before bed time.

"Char! Dinner's ready!" I am a awaken by my mom, and my empty stomach."I made your favorite french fries with chicken legs!"

I stare at the golden, french fries. Fresh from the fryer, still drizzling with oil. The chicken legs, dipped in a chilly sauce, covered in a thin layer of oil. I break a french fry in half, it is hot! Once it has cooled a bit, I take the other half, my teeth break through a layer of crispiness, then the potato mash is pushed into my mouth. Now time for the chicken, I hold the leg in hand. Yum! Spicy! The chicken is completely conquered by flavor. I take only a few more bits of the food, I still feel hungry, but nether the chicken or fries seem to be attracting to me, as if I do not need to eat at all.

"Sweaty, your not eating. Any thing wrong?"

"Nothing! I'm alright!"

"I know it's been a hard time for you lately, and it's okay. I'll be here to listen when you need me." I'm glad she is my mom.

"Thank you."

I have to eat! If I don't then I will die of hunger, I push the food in, after that, I head straight to my room.

The mid-term scores are out, an A in English, an A in Economics, an A in Math, an A drama, but a B in Chemistry! Shoot, shoot, shoot! Chemistry is my favorite subject, it is absolutely impossible for that to happen! ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE! Maybe it's just a mistake, maybe Mr Smith mixed up my grades with another kid's! Or did he? What if it is me? What if my History scores have been a lie this entire time? What if my grades are not good enough? What if I'm not good enough! What if I'm nothing but garbage? I'm a piece of s---! I'm hopeless! First I messed up my health, then I f---ed up my life! Charlotte Francisco Pines, YOU ARE THE WORST! I'm a b----!

Tears run down my face. Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff.

Can't...take...it...any...more...must...stay...alive......

Ding! It's my phone! No way! Fan-fiction of my favorite game! Hardly anyone on the planet knows about it! No to mention play it, or draw fan-fiction! Yeah! It's the Kiss Me meme (a type of animation that uses a short piece of music, the movements of character are often simple and repeated)! The creator is awesome! I finally feel joy!

But why does it matter? Even if I do, it would never last, just like everything else in my life. My life is a LIE! Guess I have no reason to live, well then, I just have to leave. Everything will be better after it, death is an angel, she comforts me, and whispers softly."Come to me, my dear, soon, you'll be free!"

That's it, this ends NOW! I AM GOING TO COMIT SUISIDE, AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME! I zoom to the window side, I open the window, it all happens in less than two seconds. Come on Charlotte, time for your savior.

I expect myself to jump, but I do not. My legs are glued to the ground. It's my body, it is trying to save me.

I center myself with a breathe. It's alright, calm down. It's gonna be okay. My tears stop. I splash my face with freezing water, I want to die less. I smile.

I put on my yellow sweater and jeans, pack a simple bag, and leave for Seaside Street 21.

I see it! A small house made of light hazel bricks, a rough, wooden sigh, with words worn away by the sea breeze, it says: Furry Cat Cafe. Ding, I open the door. The contour is wooden, a freezer next to it, a black board, written with white chalk in cursive, it's the menu. The windows are huge and clear, with leather benches, on the bench sits a fluffy brown cat.

"Meow!" a black kitten welcomes me, it's hair is as smooth as silk.

"Welcome to Furry Cat Cafe! That's Moon, he's always excited when there are new guests!" says a girl, which I'm sure is the owner of the shop. She wears with an apron, her name tag says "Wendy".

"Hi!" my voice is so soft I can barely hear myself, I try to think of something to say so none of us feel awkward,"Em...the cats you have are surely cute!" I keep smothing Moon's fur.

"Thanks. Do you want to order anything? I recomand a simple latte. The cat on the bench is Cinnamon, the Calico cat is Princess."

"Get me a latte please." I can't keep my eyes off Moon. So I take a seat on the dark chairs.

Once I sit down, Moon jumps onto my lap. I stay with him, he seems to understand my sorrow, but is more interested in my wholly sweater, he scratches him paws on it.

"Hey Moon, don't ruin my clothes like that!" I say with a smile.

"Here's the coffee."

The coffee is still steaming with white vapor. The milk foam is in the shape of a cat, it seems like it's Cinnamon. I take a sip, a warm bitterness, healing me. Suicide felt unreal, it seemed like a million years ago. Hairs bushes along my I feet, it's Cinnamon, she looks like a dandilion. I pick her up, she purs, while I slowly finish the coffee, Cinnamon falls asleep. My chest is tight, I start to paint again, then, hot tears flow out. It's been forever since I last felt like this, happy, satisfied, full of love.

"You okay girl?" Wendy is worried.

"I'm fine."I quickly wipe away my tears," I'm just, so grateful for this place."

"Glad you think so, because that's how I feel." Wendy begins her story," I failed my college entrance exam, everyone was mad at me, my teachers, my parents, even my best friend, they told me I wasn't worth anything, slowly I started to believe them. To cheer up, I bought this store, it was cheap because the original owner was dying to get rid of it. But it didn't change anything. Until one day, found a brown kitten sitting in the rain, I kept her in the store, and changed the name of the cafe into Furry Cat Cafe, I found my worth, helping every costumer find light here, just as I did." Wendy pauses," So, what's your story?"

I stay silent for a bit," Em, it's rather complicated."

I keep patting Cinnamon, bushy. Then I go to Princess, who looks like a loaf of bread. Every cat has fur that absorbed the light and warmth, reminding me of the and Honeysuckles I grow at home.

"Meow." it's Moon again, asking for a scratch on the ears.

The sun sets, the sky is orange, red, and yellow, colors that you see in a winter fire place. Wait! I get it now! Life isn't about what you an achieve, it's about living in the moment, enjoying the moment, like cats! I get it, I get it, I get it! A smile emerges from my face, this time, I am truly happy.

On my way home, I text Angela, "Hey, the cafe is great, it made me feel a lot better."

"Told ya ;)" replies Angela.