Name: Megan Barnwell
Age: 13
Pronouns: She/Her/Her's
Sexuality: Bisexual
Honestly, I didn't even know that being gay was a thing until I was in third grade. I was watching a reaction channel on YouTube, then I saw this video thumbnail that said, "Reacting to Gay Marriage". That was when I found out that men like other men and women like other women. I didn't really have an opinion on it, but I thought it was wrong for them to be treated badly because of it. At the time, I thought I was straight, for I've had crushes on boys before. I didn't really talk about it that much because I thought that talking about "gay" was inappropriate. I was just like, Okay, gay people exist, I'll just move on with my life. I didn't really care. Now, keep in mind, I didn't know that bi was a thing, either. I thought people only liked one gender.
Until I realized that I wasn't just "admiring other girls' prettiness".
When I was eleven, I started to find girls cute, too. I didn't have a full-blown crush on a girl as I've had with boys, but for some reason, I knew that I was okay with dating a girl, kissing a girl, marrying a girl! But I was confused. Was I a lesbian? No, because I liked boys, too. When I was home that day, I looked up on my phone if it was possible to like more than one gender. It came up with the term "bisexual", and the definition was exactly how I was. I found the answer! But, although I was accepting, I still found being not-straight was a little weird. I didn't want to be different. So, I decided that I wasn't going to tell anybody that I was bi and just be with guys and seem straight for the rest of my life.
Yeah, that sure worked out.
Ugh, god, I can't keep this in anymore! I thought on an August evening, almost a month after I first realized I was bi. Come on, Megan, you have to tell her! You can't keep this in forever, My gut kept telling me to spill the beans to my mom, but my brain told me this was a bad idea. My parents are Christian. They weren't super Christians, like, we didn't go to church every Sunday, but we were what is known as C.A.P.E. Christians; We attend church on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter. We gave up something for Lent, too. But other than that, they weren't very religious. But you never know. Even non-religious people may think that liking the same gender is wrong. I clenched my fists and marched up to my mom.
"Mom, I hafta tell you something," I said sincerely.
"What is it, Meg?" She responded.
"Well..." I was starting to choke up a little bit. Tears glistened in my eyes. "Do you promise you won't be mad?"
"Did you hurt anybody? Did you get a bad grade?" My mom asked, trying to figure out why she would be mad. I didn't want to say the word "bisexual", because it had the word "sex" in it. I was afraid my mom would be mad at me for saying the word "sex", and I didn't know that it was called "bi" for short. I took a deep gulp and a deep inhale.
"Mom, I like both boys and girls," I said, quivering with tears rolling down my face.
"Oh, honey," My mom said sweetly. She leaned in to hug me, and I wrapped my arms around her, "It's okay. I love you no matter what, and God does, too,"
About a day later, I came out to my dad. He's a cool guy, and he has friends who are gay. It wasn't nearly as sentimental as when I came out to my mom.
"As long as you're not hurting anybody, that's okay with me," He said.
Man, I have great parents.
Seventh grade started out fine. I did cheerleading, lacrosse and got straight 'A's', with maybe one 'B' in there. I had so many friends, so many followers on Instagram and so many boys that wanted to be my boyfriend. My closest friends were Brooke, Chloe, Everly, and Shayla. I've been friends with them since kindergarten. I have a lot of other friends, too, including friends who are boys. My closest boy friends were Jack, Kyle, and Damian. We were the Popular Group, for sure. We took our social rank very seriously. We even had a leader, Emma. She was the prettiest, smartest girl in the group, which is no surprise that she got with Jackson, the hottest, smartest boy in the group. They were friends of mine, but not close. And to be honest, I had a little crush on both of them. Emma and Jackson were both really cute, and strong people. But obviously, I couldn't make any moves on either of them, not that I wanted to. Emma has made it very clear that she's straight, and obviously, Jackson's dating her. Sure, maybe seventh grade was a little too young to be dating, but come on, everybody does it now.
Emma and Jackson came up with different names for each social level. There were the Popular Kids, which were us, the Sub-Popular Kids, which were really sporty but none of them were dating, the Moderate Group, which did little to no sports but still had a lot of friends, and finally, the group name that I thought was horrible and mean, the "Queers". Okay, I know it's wrong to label people, and I agree, but Emma and Jackson insisted. It doesn't feel right calling the group the "Queers", because it wasn't right, so I just call them the Lowest Group. The lowest group only had about 6 people, and you can guess, they were all of the LGBTQ+ community. They weren't respected by anyone, except maybe the Moderate Group, which I believe has some closeted folks. Every time my friends would talk about the Lowest Group in a mean way, or at all, I would shudder. Do they really hate LGBTQ people that much? Why? We're not going to try to hit on you!
"Hey look, there's that genderless freak," Chloe said, pointing to a person with short hair, glasses and wearing a t-shirt with cuffed jeans, sitting down at their lunch table across from a boy.
"Alex?" I asked, "They seem normal to me,"
Brooke covered her mouth and snickered, "They? You call that freak 'they'? Come on, Meg. You know that she was born a girl. Why would you call that freak by the wrong pronouns? Hell, I think 'it' is the best one to use. It's barely even human!" Some of the other girls at our table laughed. I shuddered, feeling horrible about how Alex was being treated.
"Oh. My. God. That gay dude is talking sooo loud!" Everly said, then she put her hands up and started to move them, "Yasss Queen! Spill the tea, honey!" she said, mimicking a gay stereotype. I was starting to get angry. They've never gone this far before. They were really getting on my nerves.
"I know, right? Bi people are so greedy. They want EVERYBODY! Why can't they just choose?" Shayla said rudely. Now they've done it. I stood up, my fists clenched.
"Shut up." I said through gritted teeth.
"'Scuse?" Shayla asked.
"Stop talking crap about them! They're human, too!"
"Why, are you one of them?"
"YES! I'm bi, okay!?! I'm not greedy! I can't just choose! Now, shut your damn mouth, you damn homophobes!" I realized I was screaming, and the whole table and nearby tables, were silent, staring at me.
"Ew! Gross! She's gonna try to hit on me!" A girl said.
"Nobody's safe," Another said. I kept hearing the buzzing of "Ew" and "Gross" and "She's one of those Queers". My face went pale. I was mortified and angry that everyone hates people like me that much. Out of fury, I scowled at my table and flipped them off. Then afterward, almost crying, I stormed out of the cafeteria to the nearby bathroom. I slammed myself inside a stall and started sobbing. After a minute or two, I heard a voice say,
"Hey, you okay?"
"Go away." I huffed.
"I just want to talk," The voice said.
"Then come in here! Come into the bathroom, and talk, then!" I shouted angrily, thinking it was someone from my table.
"I-I can't. Just, please come out," the voice said.
I took a deep, exasperated sigh, "Fine," I opened the stall and walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway. The voice didn't belong to someone from my table. They were standing there, looking concerned.
"Alex..?"
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