Tadashi was staying the night at Kei’s house. Mainly because they are friands, and friends do that right? They’ve done it almost every weekend since middle school. Mainly, because they enjoy each other's company, and this way they can study together. But also, partly because Tadashi's home life isn’t the best, and it gives him an excuse to be away, and Kei can use it as an excuse to avoid his brother.
This has been going on for years. Kei never pushed about why Tadashi doesn’t feel at home, in his family’s house, and Tadashi never pushed Kei to talk to Akiteru. They had a comfortable system, and it worked for them.
That is until tonight.
It was the weekend after the spring finals, and a big game like that, is bound to exhaust anyone, both physically and mentally. So naturally, after holding everything in for so long, the boys finally open up.
Tadashi tells Kei about how his Mom is never around, and constantly traveling, and that his dad isn’t exactly loyal. He tells Kei how it’s something he’s used to, and that it doesn’t really affect him too much, but he doesn’t like all of the lying. So he stays at Kei’s when he can, and they treat him like family, even if Kei doesn’t show it at school.
Kei is understanding. He reiterates that Tadashi can stay at his house anytime, and that if he ever needs anything he will be there, just as he always has. And that his parents probably shouldn’t put all of the pressure on him that they do.
Tadashi is grateful, and it feels so good for him to finally tell someone. But that wasn’t the main reason he told Kei. He knew Kei had suspected anyway, and that he didn’t really need to say anything for Kei to be supportive.
He just wants him to open up, to finally let out all of those feelings he’s been holding in since middle school. Tadashi knew how close Kei used to be to his brother. He knew that Akiteru was his best friend, and that he was the reason that Kei started volleyball. He knew that Akiteru practically raised Kei, because their parents were both pretty high up in the business industry and worked a lot. Tadashi knows that Akiteru loves his brother, probably more like he would love a son.
But Kei doesn’t know that. Kei still believes that his brother is untrustworthy. He still believes that Akiteru is pathletic for pretending to be something he’s not. He still believes that Akiteru was a phony and a fraud. He still blames Akiteru for so much. He only just found his love for volleyball again, and maybe he can find his love for his brother again.
“He lied to me every day,” Kei finally said. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that Tadashi wanted to know what really happened. And after all these years, he deserved it, with all that he’s done for him.
“He used to tell me about the games he would ‘play’ in.” Kei, chuckled. A dark sound. “He used to tell me about how he was the Ace of the team. How he would score the winning point every time.
“He used to tell me about all of these different things, every day. And all of it was a lie. It’s not even like it was just one lie he told me every day. It was a bunch of new, little tiny lies, every day. And volleyball wasn't the only thing.
“He used to tell me things about our parents. He used to tell me that they loved us, and each other, and that they just had to work a lot.
“Not long after I found out he was a benchwarmer in High School, I also found out that my parents had been separated for two years, and I didn't even know about it. They were not only away for work all the time, but they were away living their own lives. Without each other, without Akiteru, and without me.”
That was the first time he said akiteru’s name the whole night.
“They show up every once in a while, to keep up appearances, you know. Never at the same time though. Mainly, they just send a bunch of money, and we fend for ourselves. Do you know how that feels? For your family to fall apart and you don’t even know about it?
“I didn’t even know about it because I was too focused on being ‘cool.’ I was too busy bragging about my ‘Awesome Big Brother’ and calling other people lame, to notice my parents breaking up, and my brother raising me by himself.
“I know he was trying to protect me. I know that he meant well. But did you know he never once apologized?” finally Kei made eye contact with Tadashi, and there was a look there that he had never seen before. He looked almost vulnerable, but his gaze hardened and he looked away before Tadashi could even say anything.
“All of these years. Almost 4 whole years, and Akiteru has never apologized to me. He took care of me. He took me school shopping, he made me dinners, he even tried to give me the talk in middle school. He raised me, better than my own parents, and I love him so much, and I am so grateful for what he does for me.
“But why didn’t he apologize?”
That’s when Tadashi threw himself at Kei. He wrapped his arms around the other boy and buried his face in his neck, tackling him back onto the bed. He felt Kei tense up, and after a moment, he lifted his head to look at Kei's face.
His eyes were wide, and tearful. His chest shook with sobs, but Kei remained silent. He just laid there, for a long time. Crying for the first time in a really, really long time. Finally, he leaned into Tadashi, he leaned into affection he hasn’t received since he was twelve years old. He released the emotions he’s been holding in since he was twelve years old.
In some ways, Kei felt like he was still twelve years old.
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