(Hello, author here! Just a quick note: I rewrote this beginning part before the "~~~" recently because I thought the story didn't flow very well. But the rest of the story is the same as I wrote it in 2019 with minor edits! I hope you enjoy reading!!)
// WARNING: Contains brutal action scenes. //
I remember when I was 17, sitting in my favorite bar. The charming bartender would talk with me and refuse to give me any drinks since I was underage. I was a little irritated that he always refused, but my irritation vanished when I saw his smile. I couldn't help grinning too.
That smile stirred something up inside me. I soon realized that I was in love. My favorite bartender, who looked so handsome mixing drinks in the dim lighting of the bar, was my first love. I began to obsess over him and the bar I found myself spending most of my nights in.
He made me realize that a bar like this; dim lighting, comfy sofas, and the workers mingling with their customers, was a place that felt like home. Although maybe it felt like that because he was here with me. The romantic atmosphere made me want to try and win his heart, just as he easily won mine.
I did my best to seduce him. Flirty words, loving glances, sensual winks. Sometimes I thought that his cheeks were red in the maroon lighting. I thought that all of my attempts were working. I thought that if I pushed a little harder, he'd finally be mine.
I waited for him after work one day. When he saw me, he was surprised. He said I shouldn't be out this late and began to walk me home. He was treating me like a kid... So I had to make him realize I was more than that. I was almost 18 after all.
I pushed him into an alleyway. I shoved him against a wall. And I pressed my lips against his. For one moment, he didn't move. I felt sparks go off inside my brain as I felt his sweet lips against mine. But then he pushed me away and the cold night air almost took my breath away.
"Narihira..." He said. "We can't do this..."
"Why not?" I asked. "Because I'm a guy? Because I'm too young? I'm almost 18. You'll wait for me, won't you?"
He still looked conflicted. I felt a prick of betrayal. Why did he accept my kiss if he was going to be like this...? Then he muttered something.
"I'm not... who you think I am..."
What does that mean? Does he mean he's never been genuine with me? But all those smiles... The fun talks we had... There's no way all of that was fake. Didn't I make him blush? Didn't I make his heart race? Just as fast as he makes my heart beat?
I know he would occasionally complain about his job, but doesn't everyone? When he's interacting with me and all the other customers, he's smiling so brightly. He makes everyone else feel as happy as he seems to be. Is that really all just a lie?
"That can't be true." I said. "You're a kind and talented bartender. I know all of your smiles weren't fake."
He just looked at me, his brows still knit together. "...I... I'm sorry... I just can't..."
Then my first love ran away into the night and I never saw him again.
Going into my last year of high school, I felt bitter. The bar I had always loved going to had shut down. My first love had escaped my grasp. Even though I felt hurt... I still loved him. He made me realize how great it can be to love. How great it can be to sit in a bar with like-minded people sitting around you. How great it would be if I could own a bar like that someday...
Putting that thought away until I graduated, I tried to get through the rest of high school. My silver white hair was decently short, but after my first love left me, I wanted to grow it out. I was eventually able to grow it out to my waist. Seeing the feminine face in the mirror, I felt oddly good.
That was until the men at school began to bother me. None of them were up to my standards. Plus, they thought I was a woman because of my feminine features and long hair. I would always point to my school uniform, implying that I'm a boy since I'm wearing the correct uniform.
Most of them were confused and then wanted nothing to do with me. They blamed me for tricking them even though they were the ones who jumped to conclusions in the first place. Others liked that I was actually a boy and got a bit creepy. I managed to tell them off so they'd leave me alone.
I just wanted to hurry up and graduate. That was until a transfer student arrived. Seeing him with his buzzed green hair, a stern look on his face, and a larger body and height, my heart thumped again since my first love disappeared. I etched his name into my heart: Anzai Imamura.
Since the delinquent-like boy caught my attention, I began to watch him from afar. Everyone was scared of his menacing aura and chose to stay away from him. He didn't look bothered even though he was all alone. Considering that I was alone too, I felt an affinity with him. But I choose to be alone, while people run from him.
One day, some other delinquents called Anzai out of the classroom during a break. I don't think he did anything to warrant it since I've always been watching him. It seemed like just because he looked tough, they wanted to test their strength against him or put him in his place. I secretly followed them to a quiet place behind the school.
I watched from behind a wall as the group of three tough looking delinquents sized Anzai up. He almost looked small between them. I began to worry that he'd get beaten up badly. I wondered if I should intervene. Maybe I could stop the fight before it could happen. I've got enough charms to stop them, don't I?
But before I could try to do anything, an amazing scene played out before me. While the three delinquents looked ready to beat Anzai, he got the first punch in. And it was an amazingly powerful punch too. He knocked one of the three straight to the ground. I swear I heard a bone crack.
Anzai shook his hand, traces of blood on his knuckles. The other two delinquents were surprised. But they didn't sense the danger as they tried to hit back in vengeance for their fallen friend. Anzai knocked both of them out with quick movements. Those three never stood a chance. I felt embarrassed for ever being worried about him.
My heart raced as the strong boy turned around. He spotted me. Then he gave me a bone chilling glare. Although I should've been scared, it was kind of... hot... He stomped over to me and I worried he was going to knock me out too, becoming his fourth victim. But all he did was grab me by the collar.
"Don't you dare tell anyone what you saw here." His deep voice sent tingles down my spine. It's the first time he's spoken...
A goofy grin formed on my face made from intimidation and attraction. "Why would I tell anyone...?"
He eyed me while I stared into his deep green eyes.
"Well... Good." He let go of me. "I can't risk being suspended for fighting."
"Ah, but... I won't keep your secret for free." I dared to say.
"What!?" He grabbed my collar again, angrier than before.
"Hold on, I won't tell anyone as long as you do this one thing for me!" I quickly said, putting my hands up in surrender.
Anzai's brows furrowed. "...what is it?"
I beamed. "Become my friend."
He was stunned. "...huh??"
"As long as you become my friend, I promise to take your secret to my grave!"
He let go and took a step back, looking confused and conflicted. He probably thought I was crazy. And maybe I am, but... How else are we going to grow closer so I can win his heart?!
After a moment of processing my request, Anzai sighed. "...fine."
"Really!?" I exclaimed.
He looked disturbed by my excitement.
"This is great!" I continued. "Now we'll grow closer and maybe we'll be more than friends someday!!"
He looked even more disturbed. "Absolutely not. We're only ever going to be friends, got it?"
I deflated. "Really...?"
"Just give me your number. Then let's never speak of this again."
I somberly handed my phone over for him to add his number and for him to see mine. Even if he says that... I hope to win his heart one day... How can I let a perfect man like him go?!
Although I blackmailed Anzai into being my friend, as we continued through high school, he became a true friend. Other than our first interaction, he wasn't very talkative. But I could tell he listened and paid attention to every word I said while I talked for the both of us. We got to know each other really well and the conflict we had from our first meeting had vanished.
Eventually we finished high school, making another friend just before it ended. His name was Shukishi and he seemed quite mature. He was interested in how we managed to become friends and stuck by us afterwards.
I knew my heart would never give up on Anzai, but since he refused all of my advances, I decided to respect his feelings. I accepted that my second love would be unrequited as well. At least he's a great friend who will never leave my side.
After graduation, I told Anzai of my dream to open a bar. He said he would support me. And that began the long road of trying to open a bar just like the one from my past. The one with bittersweet feelings attached to it. I had hope in my heart that one day my first love would come back. He'd be able to see how I recreated the bar where we spent time together. He'd be so proud of me. I wished for that day to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Years went by and all my hard work finally paid off. I was able to buy a building in the middle of town. Anzai helped me pay for it and helped me get everything settled. What I didn't know was that this was the worst place to open a bar.
It was in the middle of two large yakuza clans. Their leaders came to us and wanted us to leave. But I had finally made part of my dream come true, I couldn't stop here. I have to make it completely come true and have my own safe place again. Maybe wherever my first love is, he would hear about how successful my bar was and come back to me.
I've had many nightmares of where he never came back and I never found another love so I was alone forever. Eventually, everyone disappeared from my life and my bar shut down. I hate those nightmares. I'd always wake up and call Anzai. He doesn't like to talk much but I just wanted to listen to someone talk so I would forget about the nightmare.
Anzai would talk about nonsense for the both of us for hours. I'd fall asleep to his voice and had pleasant dreams after that. Anzai has helped me with so much. He even helped me get this bar and he's willing to be an employee there too. So I couldn't let these yakuza run me out of here.
"Leave, this is our territory! I won't say it again!" The yakuza became impatient.
"......no." I mumbled.
"What?? Speak up!! Just leave already or we'll have to beat you until you can't ever come crawling back!"
"No!!!" I burst into a rage and punched the guy as hard as I could.
I broke his nose and suddenly everyone charged at Anzai and me. I realized what I had done and knew we were done for..... But Anzai stood in front of me.
"Don't lay a hand on him." Anzai said, furious.
Anzai fought every single one of the yakuza while I sat on the ground, too shocked to do anything. I was useless. But Anzai single-handedly beat this small yakuza clan. In the end, there were many bodies on the floor, groaning in pain while Anzai was the last standing with blood dripping from his fists. I finally was able to jump up.
"Y-You're hurt!!" I looked Anzai over and saw the bruises on his body and the cuts on his face. "The hospital...! No... they'll ask questions won't they...? I need to treat you!"
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