I Don’t Want to Die

    It hurts… it hurts… it hurts so much…

    I can barely breathe. I keep trying to suck in the air but it just won’t go down my throat.

    “Lilith sweety, please sit. I’m sorry, please sit up.” Mother slowly grabs the back of my head up and lifts me up gently. Mother’s usually so mean to me… Why is she being so nice all of a sudden?

    “The doctor’s going to give you water now, sweety. All you need to do is swallow.” Mother says, nearly whispering. 

    The doctor brings some strange looking cup to my mouth. I’m so thirsty. Opening my mouth, he starts to slowly pour water in there as I swallow. It’s having a hard time going down my throat, and I start choking. I choke harder than I ever had in my life, like my heart's about to come out.

    “Lilith?! Lilith are you OK?!” Mother yells.

    I ended up spitting the water all over my bed sheets. That isn’t something a proper lady like me is supposed to do… is Mother going to scold me again?

    “What was that?! What did you give her?!”

    “It’s just water! She’s having trouble swallowing.”

    “Then why are you forcing her to swallow?!”

    “Duchess Amber, if she doesn’t get any water, dehydration is going to kill her long before the poison will.”

    Mother and the doctor stop talking as I lay back down. I’m so hot…

    “These clothes… have you kept her in this since her fever’s started?”

    “Well, yes…”

    “Her temperature is way too high to be healthy. We might have to start taking her clothes off, and putting frost stones on her body.”

    “I’m not letting you undress my daughter!”

    “Duchess Amber, it’s a matter of life and death!”

    Life and death? Am I dying? I’ve never felt this sick before so maybe? I feel like I’m about to throw up… my eyes water and I can feel the force in my throat. I lean over my bed, grab the bucket and vomit into it right in front of Mother. The doctor looks down into it.

    “No food, just stomach acid. Has she been throwing up?”

    “Well yes… twice just before you got here…”

    “Ugh… I still have no idea what’s causing this. We’ll focus on keeping her cool for now, then we’ll figure out how to get her to keep her food and water down. It doesn’t look like there are any other life threatening symptoms…”

    “I can’t breathe…” I just barely get out.

    “What was that, sweety?”

    Mother and the doctor both lean over me. The doctor places both his hands right on my chest and Mother starts freaking out for some reason…

    “Lilith, can you hear me?”

    I feel like my throat is getting tighter. I just nod so I can focus on breathing.

    “Alright, Lilith listen to me. Breathe in as hard as you possibly can.”

    I do my best to suck in all the air I can get.

    “Now breathe out.”

    I try and spit the air out, but barely anything comes out of my throat.

    “That’s it? Duchess Amber, I’m going to grab a magic tool from my cart. I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

    “What?! What about all the tools you’ve already brought in?!”

    “I wasn’t aware the symptoms were this severe already. She’s barely breathing enough to stay conscious for a girl her age. I need to grab a tool that will force air in and out of her lungs, or else she might asphyxiate. Take off her clothes, and start putting frost stones on her body. Once she stops sweating, a heat stroke is a real risk for her condition.”

    The doctor runs out right after saying all of that, leaving Mother and I in my room. Mother looks at me, the most worried I’ve ever seen her, and she pulls the blankets off of me and starts to undo my dress. Hey, is she… is she crying? Oh Gods, I’m really about to die aren’t I?

    It’s only gotten worse. I’m laying on my bed, completely naked and covered in cold frost stones. Brother was even called to my room, and has been using magic to use wind to help cool me down, but I’m still hot.

    What’s worse, the tool that that doctor was speaking about was a horrible, nightmarish metal looking thing that he had to shove down my throat in order to get it working. It’s forcing my throat open, forcing air in and out of my body for me. Brother is also supplying the mana for the device, so he’s pretty much in charge of my breathing. He's doing his best to follow the doctor’s instructions, but I can tell he’s really worried.

    Father and Mother are holding onto both of my hands as the doctor and my brother work. I can see that he’s mixing some strange liquids together and that he and my brother are saying something to each other but I can’t hear what. I’m starting to have trouble hearing what’s around me. I can’t smell or taste anything either? 

How long before my other senses go? I can still feel both my parents gripping onto my hands, I can feel this horrible thing prying my throat open, I can feel my brother using wind magic to make sure I keep breathing, and I can feel the cold frost stones doing their best to cool my sweaty body down. I look around my room, at everything I can see. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to see anything soon. 

I look at the faces of Father and Mother, who look worried sick, especially Father. I look up at Brother, trying his best to look like he’s fine but failing miserably. I look over at my window, although laying on my bed like this I can see nothing but clouds and the day sky. I look over at the doctor, reading through some thick book as fast as he possibly can and mixing potions together. I look over at my door, and see one of the maids walk in with a bottle and a bowl. She faces towards me and her lips move. I still can’t hear. Who is she even talking to?

The doctor walks over to me and starts talking. Suddenly, Brother stops pushing air in and out of my throat. I stop breathing, completely unwillingly. The doctor grabs the device poking out of my mouth and starts turning some of the gears on it. I feel the thing worming itself deeper into my throat as I continue struggling to breath.

The maid goes as fast as she can and starts pouring some light brown slop down into my throat. I can’t taste it anyway so I swallow. Brother gets me breathing again, before he stops and the maid pours more slop into my body. My brother makes me breathe, then the maid makes me eat and drink. This goes on for a while before she’s finally done and leaves.

My older sister comes in from time to time to take the frost stones off of me and replace them with new ones. Other than that time keeps passing on, with nothing to do as my parents hold my hands, Brother breathes for me, and the doctor does whatever it is that he’s doing. I just have to live in this heat and this pain as everybody around me does their best to help me. What did I even do to deserve this?

    My vision is slowly blurring. I’ve lost all sensation of touch at this point. Sister had to bring in lights so that everyone in my room could see what they were doing. It’s probably been hours at this point, although it feels more like days for me, and everyone’s still here. Mother and Father haven’t let go of either of my hands once, even though I can’t feel their touch any more. Brother still keeps me alive with wind magic, and the doctor keeps working as hard as ever. The maid has also come back repeatedly to give me water.

    All of this, and I still slowly feel my grasp on this world fading away. It’s getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open. It isn’t painful anymore, but I still don’t want to die. I don’t feel any pain, but for some reason, even though I’m only 8, I still feel like if I close my eyes now, I will die. So I try my best to keep them open.

    My vision is getting blurry. I can hardly see the faces of my parents anymore. I can still look up at Brother and see the expression on his face, but that probably won’t last for much longer. My eyelids are only getting heavier, and I’m only getting even more scared. I don’t want to die.

    Suddenly, I wake up to a shock in my chest. I flinch hard and look around. My parents are still holding my hands, Brother is still blowing air into my throat, and I’m still in the same condition that I was before I woke up. The only difference is that the doctor is standing over me with some sort of sleek stone that’s producing sparks. Oh Gods, did I fall asleep? After all of that struggling to keep my eyes open did I really fall asleep?

    I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been in my life. I don’t want to die. Is it really that easy to die? Why? What in the world did I do to deserve this? I don’t want to die, I want to stay with all of you! Please! Please don’t let me die! I can’t talk because of this thing in my mouth but please understand anyway! I’ll do anything!

    I see the maid leaning over me again with that stone. She’s carefully watching my eyes. Making sure I don’t go to sleep? Thank you… thank you so much… What was your name again? If I live, I swear I’ll learn it. I’ll make sure you don’t have to clean up after me, I’ll do my best to be nice to you for now on, I’ll even give you my allowance! Just please don’t let me die!

    The doctor leans over me again, twisting the device to make it go deeper into my throat. I’m starting to see things twist around me, this isn’t the time to be feeding me! The doctor pours some powdery light blue liquid into my mouth, which I swallow. It looks like some sort of disgusting medicine. I’m sure the only reason I’m even able to swallow any of it is because I’ve lost my sense of taste a while ago.

    The doctor replaces the maid in the making sure I don’t sleep job. Another doctor replaces Brother in the making sure I’m able to breathe job. Before my vision got so blurry I couldn’t see his face, I could see that my brother was getting really tired. He probably ran out of mana. I still don’t know you though! Bring Brother back! At least let him hold my hand like Father and Mother!

    My vision only gets blurrier and blurrier. The need to sleep takes over my mind as I eventually lose track of how many times I’ve been shocked awake. My sight goes darker and darker until I can start seeing color again.

    Around me, my room and all the people in it start swirling around and becoming colorful. My room is replaced with a sprawling field of pink and white grass. My parents and the doctors turn to pretty swirls of all sorts of colors. I can’t move but I can feel a cool breeze blow by my skin. I’m the most relieved I’ve ever been.

    The field transforms into a huge city, then a super huge sky, then under the ocean. I’m left wondering just where I’ll end up next.I eventually leave and walk around, talking with all sorts of people in all sorts of different places. I try on all sorts of different clothes and fly all over the place. It’s honestly a blast!

    Eventually though, I end up in a place I’ve never seen before. It’s a strange room, with some weird black box up in the front of the room, next to a window and fireplace. There’s some old looking couch, as well as some rather strange looking chairs that have platforms to rest your legs on. I’ll have to ask Father to buy one when I return home.

    There’s a woman with black hair sitting on one of the chairs. She’s dressed in clothing I’ve never seen anywhere before. It isn’t noble clothing but it isn’t common folk clothing either. She’s wearing glasses and reading a book in a language I can’t seem to understand. She’s saying something to me, but I can’t quite make out what she’s saying.

    “Oh yeah? I swear I’ll remember this, mommy!” 

The words escape my lips and the woman smiles at me. What? This woman isn’t my mother, and there’s no way I’d ever call her “mommy”. She’d definitely yell at me for addressing her like peasant children do. For some reason though this woman seems familiar.

    “Yeah, alright. When you’re older tell me you remember this, Rain.”

    For some reason, the name Rain seems so familiar to me. I know that name but no matter how much I think I can’t remember where I’ve heard it.

    It continues. Seeing people in clothes that are so strange, and such weird magical tools. Words I’ve never heard before like “Teevee”, “Selfone”, and “eebook”. I see myself holding a strange device with all sorts of different functions that I go through like it’s normal. I see myself reading through a book in a language I’ve never seen before with no problem. I see myself cleaning glasses and putting them on even though I’ve never needed the things.

    This is all so strange to me, so I try to think of how I ended up here. I was sick in bed, then the world got all messed up. I realize that this must be some sort of dream. I’ve heard of people doing all sorts of things in their dreams when they figure out they’re dreaming so I try and do stuff, but nothing works. I keep getting pulled along against my will.

    Eventually, I end up in a place called high school. I’m in… Calculus class? What even is that word? How do I know it? Someone addressed me as Rain. I look down into the desk and see my reflection. I don’t see myself, but rather another person. Oh… Oh Gods… Oh God… this isn’t a dream… these are memories? Are they mine or someone else’s? 

    I quickly reach the last of Rain Sharrow’s memories. I don’t leave this classroom. There’s nothing wrong with this body that I can remember, but for some reason, I feel like Rain Sharrow’s about to die. I can’t even look around, because this is just what Rain Sharrow remembers. Then, in an instant, I see a flash of light blasting into the classroom from the windows. I catch one glimpse of people being boiled alive, and then Rain Sharrow dies. Instant death. Completely unavoidable.