Athànati Agàpi
Immortal Love
Unconditional love is a concept that a lot of people lack the ability to grasp. Including myself, even though my sister Raziel doesn’t care about me, like at all. I could perish right now and all she would do is shrug. Leaving me to rot. However, I can’t help but put every ounce of love into her knowing damn well; excuse my language, that she won’t ever love me. Raziel is my sister, too bad I won’t ever know what it feels like to be hers.
“Chaos is an angel who fell in love with a demon.”- Christopher Poindexter
I never thought a place riddled with the holy presence of the great divine would ever succumb to a malicious predicament involving angels. But here I am, being disgraceful. “Please Raziel, I said I was sorry! I-I was just scared, it looked like he was going to hurt you!” Hadraniel cried, reaching for her sister’s arms. A loud smack was present as it bounced off the walls. “Don’t touch me! I told you to stay out of it, but no you always have to crawl your way into every nook and cranny that involves my life!” disclosed Raziel, the feeling of betrayal overwhelms her body. Hadraniel tries to comfort her sister again, but she ends up planted to the ground of their bedroom. Raziel curses under her breath, and storms out of the room. “Any place is better than being tied down to a filthy rat of sister.”
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”- Revelations 21:4
Every breath you take is faintly noticeable, the weight of your body is one with the bodacious cotton candy like clouds. You feel content, you feel at home. This is what your life has led you to, and now you watch all your sorrows melt away. Heaven is such a godly place and those who come into contact with it are loved and cared for. Everything around you is vibrant and full of life. Death is no longer a concern. There are no mirrors in heaven because you are reborn in God’s image, you’re beautiful and perfect. And that’s no longer an understatement. You’re welcomed to meet your lost loved ones and that’s the best gift that anyone could ask for. Being able to live life to your heart’s content is exuberating. Heaven is forever changing, and how you perceive it is up to you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Heaven gave me the ability to love, but hell gave me Raziel.
“Don’t be afraid of losing someone who doesn’t feel lucky to have you” - Anonymous
Raziel came home broken and bruised, who had the audacity? She walks past me like I’m not even there. I know I shouldn’t intervene, but my body couldn’t stop itself. I tug on the corner of her shirt and she turns and looks at me with her dark blue eyes. There’s no life in them, they’re completely black and soulness. I lost her once again. I stand up and pull her into my arms, she flinches at the contact but she doesn’t let me go. I’m glad. There’s a faint wetness that reaches my shoulder, I wonder if she’s crying? “What’s wrong?” I ask. She hesitates before speaking, contemplating on the right words to say.
“Everything Hadraniel, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be here,” her voice hoarse. I pull Raziel off my shoulders, “What are you saying?”
She averts her eyes and hangs her head. “I’m a fallen angel Hadraniel. It’s too late for me. I have fallen from God’s grace.”
I’m shocked, adrenaline is flowing through my body like an olympic runner. I shake Raziel, maybe a little too hard. “How could you do this? You said that we were going to stay together? What about me Raziel?! How am I supposed to carry on my life without my sister? I need you.”
The look that released itself on Raziel’s face was nothing but a demon. My hands were shaking like a broken washing machine. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream for help. So there I was stuck in front of a monster that I called my sister. Tears are now flowing down my face like a tsunami. “Raziel!” I plead, still searching for just something that shows life. Something that shows that she’s still here. Something that shows I still have my Raziel.
“My best dreams and worst nightmares have the same people in them.” - Philippos
I hate that this is what my life has succumb to. I’m a flea that just keeps coming back to the same damn dog whose owner has tried to kill me. What happened the night before still bothers me. I woke up this morning and Raziel was gone, which isn’t out of the ordinary. I'm used to waking up alone, but there’s this presence that fills up the house. The Angel of Death. Before I get ready to leave there’s a panicked knocking deriving from my door. I don’t even have the opportunity to respond before the door is being flown open.
“Hadraniel it’s your sister, she’s about to jump!” said the unfamiliar man.
I rush out the door, too anxious to even think about using my wings. I’m running, and running and running. The air catches my forsaken tears. I’m out of breath, the only thing that runs through my mind is Raziel. I scream, “Raziel! Raziel! Please! Not like this!” I can’t keep doing this to myself. The feeling of relief shows itself, just for a moment. Thank God that Raziel is still here. I haven’t lost her just yet. I pull to a stop, and ease my way towards her. Too scared that if I make any sudden moves, it would be the end. I would lose everything, this isn’t what heaven promised me. I jump as she frantically turns around, her eyes are no longer dark but they shine bright. Brighter than what any heaven could create. Her dark porcelain like skin reflects the gates of heaven. I watch as her black shiny hair copies the wind, Raziel’s tears looks translucent. Don’t cry.
“We’re slowly losing touch, grasp my hands a little tighter and quit being afraid.” -Tiny Moving Parts
Raziel finally has the courage to look at me, I convey a sad smile. I try to speak but my throat feels tight, my chest feels heavy and beat to death. Raziel smiles at me viciously, as if she knows what wrong with me. I’m scared. “Go back home Hadraniel, Raziel doesn’t need you!” the voice of my sister is dark and grindy.
“How do you know what’s good for me? That’s my opinion!” my voice is suddenly free from the shackles of being petrified. The gates are slammed open and all seven of God’s angels have released themselves in the open. Raziel is lifted from the ground then into the air, and I will never forget the look on her face for as long as I live. It’s the same face that made me fall in love with her. It’s the same face that made me believe that everything was going to be okay. It's the same face that showed me that Heaven was where I was going to prosper. It was the same face of my sister. It was the same face that showed Raziel.
“I was never ready for you to leave”- Anonymous
My heart is completely shattered. Every piece has been burned in the fiery pits of hell. Every bone in my body has a mind of its own. Here I am chasing after a forgotten person, how disgraceful. I watch as Raziel is dropped from the comfort of the Lord. I watch her fall from the clouds that I thought would always protect you. I look up into the bright fragments of the angels and beg them to save her. But they shake their heads in unison. Guardian angels my ass. I close my eyes and there God is, looking through my soul. “I’m sorry,” are the only words that I’m able to muster. I look back, and notice how I’m the only one here. This is the heaven I created, the heaven that took everything from my precious hands. Hadraniel is the Angel of Love. And that alone is enough for me to carry on without an ounce of regret. I jump and the weight of being an abomination rains down on me like shards of glass. I continue to fall, and fall, and fall. I can sense myself getting closer to Raziel. She’s calling out my name. “Hadraniel, I’m sorry, please forgive me.”
“A fallen angel in the dark, never thought you’d fall so far”- Three Days Grace
My eyes bolt open, “Where am I?” My body is stiff and my lungs are burning like battery acid. I see people are walking around the room and one walks up to me. She stares into my eyes and mutters something that I couldn’t make out.
“Wow, this doll looks evil,” I said.
She picks me up and walks into another room. It has wooden floors and the walls are grey. I suddenly feel like I’m at a higher position. Then bam! The bottoms of my legs are shattered. I’m in so much pain. I notice my broken pieces are scattered across the floor, then bam! I’m slammed to the ground again, now my whole bottom half is gone. I want to cry but I guess my tears are tired of me too. The girl picks me up one last time and at that moment I came to a realization that sin was something you took and never got the chance to give back.
I picked up the white porcelain doll with the oceanic blue eyes. And smash it to the ground. I dust off my hands on the sides of my pants. I look at the mess I created and feel accomplished.
I wake up at 2:04 am feeling hurt and conflicted. What did this dream represent? And how can I relate this to my life? It sucks when you gain nothing out of a situation and all you’re left with is a cup of disappointment and regret. Raziel and Hadraniel, had a very complicated and toxic relationship, but no one can deny that the love they shared was real. The only thing people want in life is to love and be loved. Be careful how you chose to express that.
Athànati Agàpi
Immortal Love
Thank you for reading this, dreams can show you a world that you didn’t know you needed.
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