Betrayal
Aug 30, 2023
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Hi, it's me ecargmura from Discord. The first chapter overall is fine. However, I think the weakest aspect of this chapter is that other than Jin and Zayden, I have no idea who the others are. Like I know it's stated that there are other people with them, but I think it'd be best to describe who the other characters are because to me, they just pop out of nowhere and I cannot visualize who they are because of that.
If Jin cannot see them due to the darkness, try describing them like what their voices sound like, their breathing pattern, their footstep patterns. I just need to know who these characters are for me to be immersed--this also applies to Jin and Zayden too.
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