This is the story of how I became, a monster.

Well, at least, in the eyes of society.

It may seem like an odd introduction to give but beating around the bush isn't really something that I like to waste my time with.

Now, you know who I'm supposed to be. If that's enough for you, then don't bother listening anymore. But, if you're curious as to the reason why I am deemed this way by this world, feel free to continue with your ears open.

It's hard to perfectly identify the root cause of this situation.

Well, maybe not. Because I can clearly remember when I felt that emotion rise from me. It was the day I saw him, truly saw him.

I didn't acknowledge it at first because I thought it would be fleeting. Yet, as time went by, I came to a horrible realization that I'm trapped.

As much as I would love to escape the unfortunate circumstance that I found myself in, it was impossible.

He was the reason why I'm in this place.

He was the reason why I had to do what I have done.

If it wasn't for him, I could have lived a normal boring unhappy life. But he had to be there. He had to make a mess of things.

He shouldn't have...

No, it wasn't his fault.

I'm the one in the wrong here. I was the weak one, the coward, the miserable.

If only I was stronger, better; everything about now could have been avoided.

Are you confused? Don't be. It will all make sense in the end.

My mind wanders easily so you have to forgive me if things become confusing. It is a bit difficult to formulate concrete thoughts when there is a lot to be said.

"Then tell me. Let me know what you think."........Very well, if that is truly something you wish to hear. I will tell you my story. But, I'm sure you already know about it, don't you? That's why you're here, isn't it? To confirm your thoughts?"

"It?"

I smile, I think. I feel my cheeks moving but I'm often told that I have a blank face. Even if I think that I'm smiling or frowning, the reality of what I look in the outside is unchanged. I look bored out of my mind.

My friends think I'm always uninterested but that's not necessarily true.

Despite my disinterest to many of the things they talk about, I still pay attention.

But to be more relatable, I had no choice but to try harder. If I needed to smile, I have to smile to the point that they can see my teeth. It was the only way, really, to make sure they know what I feel. Otherwise, they will not know any---

"Nathan..." 

What is it? Ah, the story. Do you want to hear it? But more importantly, I guess you want to hear the reason why it happened. Isn't that right?

"Yes..."

Don't worry. It's not going to be a long one. It isn't going to be as dramatic as you may think it is.

Everything is simple in the end.

Why I did what I did and why we are at this place, why he is dead; the answer you will hear might just disappoint you.

So please, don't put your hopes up too high. I wouldn't want to waste your time.