This is bad. This is really, really bad. It's actually happening. What should I do? What is going to happen later?

These words have been looping in my mind since this morning. It all started when Clara suddenly messaged me, asking to meet tonight.

We rarely contacted each other since we graduated from college and she moved out of town for her career. Of course, it was actually none of my business where she went or when she came home. And I intentionally stopped reaching out because I wanted her to forget about me. Even at our high school reunion five years ago, we only waved hi to each other before I immediately went home. I thought she would already be done with me, but why was she looking for me now?

Is this the time You have set to answer all my doubts, God? I asked as I walked the two-kilometer journey to the mall where we were meeting.

On the way, I stopped at a chocolate shop to buy Clara a cute souvenir... just in case God had a different plan for us tonight.

"Billy, hey!" Clara teased me from behind. "I've been standing here the whole time. Who on earth are you looking for?"

"Oh, hey! Haha, sorry, I didn't see you at all," I answered dazed, while fiddling with the rim of my glasses. How could I have missed her? I wondered.

"My goodness, how are you? Are you still wearing that same jacket from high school?" Clara joked as she shook my hand. "And your hair... you definitely cut it yourself, didn't you? Still too lazy to go to a stylist?"

"Hahaha, you know me," I smiled. I was used to her teasing.

"Let's go straight to our usual pizza place. I'm starving. And it's on me today—no more splitting the bill like the old days," she said.

"Yayy, thanks for the free meal!" I teased her.

At the restaurant, we talked a lot about the past. Of course, Clara did most of the talking, not me; she understood me so well. She was so humorous and I couldn't help but laugh at how smooth and bold her way of speaking was. I thought this meeting would be tense, but it felt normal—like we were just old friends with no deeper feelings.

Phew, this means I don't have to say anything to her, right, God? I felt relieved, but also a bit worried. If this was the scenario, it meant I still had to struggle with 'that' other problem?

"I'm so happy we can eat together like the old times. Don't you think so?" Clara asked.

"Yes," I replied, unsure what else to add.

"Is that a real 'yes' because you missed me, or just a polite 'yes'?"

"I missed you too, you know," I said firmly.

"You didn't miss me at all at the last reunion! I looked everywhere for you, but you had already gone home," she added.

I smirked for a moment. "Sorry, that was because..." I paused, wondering if this was the right moment to explain everything.

"Haha, just kidding! I get it. You probably had a girlfriend or something, I'm okay with that," Clara said, trying to lighten the mood.

"What? I've never had a girlfriend," I clarified.

"For real? When are you ever going to tell me anything? I want to know who you like, too, you know! I'm always the one sharing—it's not fair."

Suddenly, we both went silent. This is it, this is really the moment... I have to tell her now, Bismillah, I said to myself.

But before I could speak, Clara quickly changed the subject. "Hmm, it's so cozy here, I don't even want to go home. I really miss us, you know. And you were always so indifferent. Aren't I just best friend material or what?"

She kept going. "But hey, I actually have to head back tomorrow; my train is at 4:00, sigh. I just came here to pick up some documents at home."

I guessed the moment was gone. Maybe God didn't want it to happen. But honestly, I really wanted to tell her everything.

"Hey, do you notice anything different about me?" Clara asked suddenly.

Since I had been avoiding eye contact, I finally looked at her properly.

"Oh, come on, you're hopeless!" she snapped because I took too long to answer. "I'm engaged now," she said, showing the ring on her finger.

"Oh... I didn't notice. Is that an engagement ring?"

Damn, I was glad I hadn't said anything to her yet.

"I don't know how you always got straight A's in school, dude," she joked.

"Wait, hold on..." I stopped her. I tried to feel my heart. I counted to five. One, two, three, four, five.

"What's wrong?" Clara asked, puzzled by my long silence.

I felt relieved. I realized I wasn't jealous at all to see her with someone else.

"Oh, it's nothing. So, who is the lucky guy?" I joked.

But immediately, I regretted it. Arrgh.. Why did I have to ask that? This could trigger me to 'that' problem again.

"You won't believe it," Clara showed me a photo of a man on her phone.

"Wait... really? Him? The guy you always..." I was shocked.

"Yes, him," Clara explained.

"Wow."

I was speechless. At that exact moment, I felt a very deep jealousy. What I feared had come true, and it was even bigger than I imagined.

I tried to act normal. Suddenly, my hand brushed against the bag of chocolates I bought earlier.

"Well, congratulations. I hope everything goes smoothly for the two of you," I said.

"Thank you!" she replied.

"I actually brought a little gift for you," I said, handing her the chocolate.

"Oh my god, Billy! Were these for me all along? I thought you bought them for yourself," she teased.

"Of course not! They were for you, I just forgot to give them to you earlier, hehe," I made an excuse.

"Thank you so much then, the chocolates are so cute!" She leaned in and gave me a hug.

Finally, it was time to say goodbye. Her ride arrived. "Billy, thank you so much for meeting this 'most unimportant' girl ever. I'm so happy we could see each other again. I'll let you know if there are any more updates! Wish me luck!"

"Only the best for you, Clara," I replied.

We waved at each other until she disappeared into the night.

I don't know how many minutes I managed to keep that smile on my face. Now, I was alone, walking home in the middle of the night. Oh God, why does my heart feel like this? I should be happy for her, right? But why can't I be? What kind of friend am I?

Suddenly, the two-kilometer walk home felt much longer than before.

Updated 05/21/2026