“Why?” I ask. It was summer with the scorching hot sun and the melody of cicadas, and we’re standing by our favorite spot at the seashore.

“Because I want to be a part of something bigger, yet no one will realize it at the same time.” Your finger tracing the sky, and goes down to the horizon, right at the place which the sea and the sky meet.

And then you smile, with dignity.

I didn’t realize it before that, but blue, while, it is not in everything in this land, it actually a big part of our world. The color that makes our world “our world”.

Blue is a part of something bigger. You are right.

“What color will you choose to paint?” You ask me.

I don't have an answer at that time, so I replied with, “I don't know myself.”

Like, literally, I don't know myself.

“You had all the colors in the world for yourself, actually.” You stretched your back and continue walking, and so, I’m walking behind your wide back.

“I had all the colors in the world? But you ask me to choose one.”

Your laughs ringing and tingling in my ear, like a wind chimney I had back on my grandma seashore’s house when I was five. 

“Right, it’s just if you don't know how to pick one, you got.” You make number “5” with your hands. “Maybe five, just like your name, Sora.”

Our bus arrived just right on time, so I couldn't ask an explanation, since then and up until now, when you are decided to be part of the something bigger by yourself.

“Kaida has always been fond of the sea,” your mom said in her eulogy, “so may he rest peacefully, under the blanket of the ocean who will wrap him gently. I’m sorry, I am not a good parents.” 

Your father arrived late to your funeral, he is saying an apologize, only that, and no one knows what's for except himself.

I decided to go on the seashore, a place we called as a check point for ourselves. From a far I saw your mother spread your ashes, while wave by wave continue to wrap you gently, under the gloomy sky that is about to cry an ocean.

I missed you already, but knowing what happened to us until it become like this, who am I to think like that?

It was my fault, right?

It is my fault, and always been. I sent you to the outside knowing there’ll be a taifun coming, tidal wave was hiding your body for a 3 days straight. It was when the sun rose, along with the sakura bloomed, that we—I, know that you will not coming back forever.

“It was my fault right?” I’m asking to my right side, and I found you.

I saw you with your finger, tracing down the blue sky above us to the horizon, the place which the sea meet. You are there, smiling with a dignity, the sun is scorching hot it might burn our skins, and the cicadas screaming.

Ah, I am dreaming.

“Hei!”

My eyes opened wide and my heart is thumping uncontrollably.

Aw, sh—

“How dare you sleeping in my class?!” 

I can’t answer that since I can deny it.

“Go out from the classroom and continue sleeping there if you can!”

And, here I am, squatting in the corridor with both my hands up.

I didn't mean to sleep in the class, nor I’m thinking to become a delinquent student, but whenever I sleep, I just dreamed about him. That’ll wake me up and and make me stayed through out the night, at least 1-2 hours before the alarm’s hitting the notes.

In a position like this, my phone suddenly vibrate and makes me wonder. Is it a call? Or a chat? I mean, that's impossible.

Because if it's him … he’s gone already.

“Ah!” An information slowly getting back to my mind.

Right, today is been 3 month since the competition I should have entered it, and I set the notification for the long list announcement. To clear things up, I’m not imagining myself actually in the long list, because: 1) I feel unsatisfied with the song I recorded on, 2) I am actually haven’t sent mine yet, up to this day—well, to be honest, I feel like I don't want to.

But, someone push me, and sent my recording on behalf of me, and it’s him—Kaida.

And it's the sole reason why we were in an arguments, and, ended up with him walk out from the studio in the middle of the taifun.

Remembering that makes my heart thumping again, and my breath suddenly become shorter.

Aw crap! Calm down! I said to myself while struggling to grasp a fresh air.

Fortunately, I can bring myself to calm down in a short time. I think I need to delete my reminder later.

It's been 3 months since then, and just 2 months away from his funeral, but I really don't touch music since that time. I remember that Kaida and me occasionally hitting up the karaoke room just for sing others’ song, or sometimes one of Kaida’s songs.

He wrote more songs than me, I can argue and I can bet about that. And he is always serius for that one, while I’m thinking that music it's just another fun things to do after school, and singing makes me floating above the ground.

It was our first experience for entering a recording studio, when we decided to enter the competition. Who would have guessed if it’d be our last time too?

The school’s bell is ringing loudly, the door of my classroom sliding open not long after that bell. The teacher that got mad at me comes out and I feel a bad aura coming from him.

“Come to my office, now.” The teacher said it firmly.

Can’t this day ended already? I stand up and walking behind him.

Once the teacher let myself to go inside the teacher office room, he told me that I need to write an apology letter, consist of 20 pages of A4 paper and must be submitted tomorrow.

What am I? An elementary student?

“Yes, Sir.” At the end, I just replied to what he said so I can brush it off quickly.

I’m sending a deep bow to him and set my feets to the corridors. The door are about to get closed when someone shouted from afar.

“Ah! Please don't close—”

I have no chance to see who's call for help, nor I have the chance to slide open the door again. What's happening later is inevitable, I saw books are flying above me, while I can feel my body is pushed and I think, slowly, I’m about to fall down.

Brak!

“Ouch!” Yes, my butt hit the corridors’ floor.

Fortunately, it's not my head that hit the floor, otherwise, I will end up in a hospital.

“Are you okay ….” said myself. And I just realize that this student who just having an accident with me is landed right on my chest, while my hand unconsciously, looks like hugging him.

“A-Apologize myself!” said this student who suddenly get up, sit on his legs, and giving me a full bow.

The door on teacher’s room slide open and I saw a woman comes out.

“What is happening right here?” She ask.

I forced myself to stand up already, followed by the student who bumped into me. We are apologizing for the noise and tidying up for the mess we caused earlier.

To be fair, it's caused by him.

“Here’s the books, are everything completed?” I ask.

“It is completed! Thank you for your help! And … I apologized once again.” He is sulked.

He is a first year student, right?

“It's okay, now submit all the books and get back to your class. I will go first since I have something to do.” That's what I said after I pat his shoulder once and walk myself to school's infirmary.

It’s not that bad actually, but my head started to get dizzy since I can't sleep well last night. 

I might take some times to get a short nap, and I don't care if he comes again to my dream in this broad daylight.

The nurse is in the room today, so I said I need a med for a my headache.

“Do you feel dizzy or having some migraine?” She asked.

“A bit dizzy and aching.”

She nods and took a medicine with a glass of mineral water.

“Take this and have a good rest here, I will write an abscence later for you. What's your name and class?”

“Ah, Aoki Sorata, class 2-3.”

She is nodding again. “Okay, I will sent it and wake you up in the next 2 hours.”

“Thank you, Miss …,” I glanced at her name tag, “Miss Sakaki.”

I walk to one of the infirmary’s bed and swallow my headache pill. Unfortunately I didn't bring my earphone with me right now, so I just casually playing a music with my phone’s speaker, with a low volume, enough for me to listen to it.

But, I don't know why I clicked on this song just now. This song is my … first properly recorded song since I sang this a while ago in the studio.

Of course, with him.

And of course, that also be the last time.

And my farewell song to music.

I won't touch music again, I’ll rest it with him, let it gently washed by the sea wave.

But.

I don't know why I still hummed to this song. The song that makes me won't to forgive myself.

The medicine starts to kicking in, started with humming, then I just sing it in a soft voice. Later, I suddenly singing the melodies while my feets sunk by the beach’s sand. The sea wave and the stone bring the percussion along with my song, and when I open my eyes, I saw you standing in front of me.

The sun at the beach shine so brightly ‘till I can't see your face, but I can see your mouth smile widely to me.

Then, you said something.

“It’s pretty.”

Ah, I’m dreaming again.

When I open my eyes, I saw a shining galaxy in front of me—it’s an eyes, so dark yet sparks passionately to me.

“What ….”

The song in my phone is still playing since I set it in on repeat. On the screen, it’s written “Blue Horizon_Sorata_rec ver-mp3”.

“What ….” I repeat. “The f*** are you doing?” I asked to a student who is—very closely—staring at me.