My name is Micheal. I am twenty one years old. I have light brown hair, green eyes and fair skin.I am 6''1 and weigh 220 lbs and my life is going to shit. I dropped out of college even though i had a scholarship going for me, i ran away from home and haven't contacted my family in two years.I know i sound shady as hell but hey its my story isn't it, at least i think it is. Anyways i broke it off with my fiance and never looked back, she started showing her psycho side the closer it got to us actually getting married. I mean she wanted to blood bond us, what the fuck right. If that wasn't bad enough when she wasn't at my place she wanted me to wear metal underwear so i can't cheat, not that i world. She reminded me of those bastard kings who used to do that to their queens, she is going to hell with them. Long story short I am piecing my life back together with Elmer's glue and clear tape. Now I'm sitting in my shity apartment waiting for my new friend Jacob to come pick me up, he says he can help.
Oh help with what you might ask, oh nothing just that Lucy failed to tell me that you know here the whole family is made up of ASSASSINS. The bitch told me that after I stopped the choo choo train to locoville. Yeah like i said my life is going to shit. Three of them out of the twenty have tried already, she has a HUGE family btw, the twenty is only her father's side, mommy dearest is no better. Here is a riddle for you how many asses are in assassins, its two it should be three. Mother father, and crazy ass daughter. I should have known that when she said sex after marriage and her eyes flashed dangerously something wasnt right.
I heard a knock on my door, grabbed the gun I recently bought, and looked through the hole. Thank god it was Jacob, i have never been so happy to see that happy son of a bitch in my life. I opened the door,hugged him and he helped me with my suitcases.He says he found the answers to my problem. When we finally hopped in his dark blue Impala I asked where we were headed.
"My large friend, we are headed deep into the woods."
"You are fucking with me right what are we doing going to see a witch?"
"WTF this is something you usually tell a guy."
"Oops i'll make a mental note of that."
We pulled out of the crummy parking lot and began our journey, I never thought we would be visiting an old hag today what a life i live, maybe i should write a book or a story.
"Hey Jacob how do you know about the witches?"
"Oh bruh i owed some really powerful dudes back when i was like in high school and they were not happy about it, but because at the time they had to stay under the radar they didn't touch me so they had this voodoo Caribbean lady come after me, i think she was like from the island under Cuba."
"You mean Jamaica"
"Yeah dude killer accent kinda sexy actually but anyways, shit they called it Obea and that shit was way scarier than voodoo so i had to find me some help, i was walking home one day after nearly being ran over three times and i found a stranger in the alley that said they could help me , turns out it was a witch ever sine then i kept the place in the back of my head in case another hot Jamaican Obea mama wants a piece of this. Hm do you think i should go there one day i hear the ladies are as hot as the sun."
"With your bad luck no, next thing you go get a girl pregnant and their father beat the white off of you."
"True. Maybe in the next life then."
All of a sudden we came to a dead end of this weird sketchy neighborhood, Jacob punched me in the arm and got our bags, I am not liking teh looks of thi but, hey what else do I have to lose? We parked the car in a dark alleyway behind a dumpster and covered it with an old tar stained cloth so they think it as a piece of junk, let me tell you Jacob dont mess with his Impla, that is a no go. Oddly as soon as we left teh alley way the building swere gone and itgot cold as fuck. I looked around and there were tall trees and a cracked, crooked brick road, i could hear a murder of crows cawing in the distance and let me tell you it was not reassuring. We followed the road for half an hour until we finally came to a little cottage.Wow i guess story books were acurate. We knocked and it opened, it was not as small as you think there were multiple rooms and it was surprisingly modern looking. There were three rooms at the ground level then two taircases leading to three rooms on teh top. All of them had different animals depicted on the doors, the one that really caught my eye was a one with a paw, no face, I couldn't tell if it was a cat's paw or a dogs. Jacob elbowed me in the side and cleared his throat. There was an elderly woman with a mess of brown hair on top of her hell and a face that could scare the makeup off of a model.
"Woman: Hello dearies, what can I do for you?"
"Jacob:Um my friend here has a little trouble."
"Woman:With mortals or other magic."
"Woman:Ok then such a pity, go upstairs to the room with a paw on the door.What do all the youngins get the sexy customers."
To me that was all sorts of wrong, I almost lost my breakfast honestly. We went upstairs and knocked on the door. It opened on its own just like the front door. When we walked in there was a white cat laying on the bed drinking a bowl of milk and flipping through a book who knew cats could read. As soon as teh door closed its atttention was on us. It yawned and walked towards us. All of a sudden it turned into a human, well what i think is a human. He had long white curly hair, silver eyes, he still hasnt looked at either of us.
"Guy: What do you want?"
"Micheal: Hi my name is-"
"Guy: Michael Viscacha and you need a whole family of assassins of your tail."
"Micheal: Um yeah, how did you know that?"
"Guy: Does it matter?"
He finally looks at me and his eyes widened like they are about to pop right out of his head.
"Guy: Good god man when mama told you a glass of milk every day helped you grow she didnt mean you should suck the whole cow dry. Any ways your friend can't be here thi is a delicate process, so Jacob I will be sending you to your car no worries I will return you BFG."
He snapped his fingers and Jacob was gone, I extended my hand and smiled, he looked confused and turned around. He signalled me to follow him,he walked right into a wall and I followed him like a big idiot, I hope this doesnt break my nose. The wall sucked me in and I was now in a huge white painted room. There were dried herbs hanging from the walls, shelves with multiple glass bottles and jars, with a huge circular table in the middle of the room. He took a bottle from one of the shelves and poured out this thick black liquid. I just stood there like a statue, there were no chairs or anything. He pinched a piece of one of the herbs off and tossed it in the black goo, he began adding other weird ingredients in. I wonder if witches actually have cauldrens. He walked to the wall on our left and placed his hand on the wall. The brick began to move in no time there was a fireplace and a huge ass cauldron. He poured in the goo and started a fire.
"Hey sasquatch, do you have anything of the crazy woman or her family?"
"Yeah this bracelet."
"Ok hand it over."
He took it and tossed it into the cauldron, there was red smoke filling the room.
"Um exactly what are you going to do with that."
"Well big boy you're going to have to chug it. Then my payment of course."
"What do you want.?"
"two pounds of Pigs feet."
"You want pigs feet, really."
"Yup, that's the contract."
"Ok where is the paper for me to sign or something."
"Oh right about that i forgot about the questions. Are you gay, bisexual, or strait?"
"Straight as they come."
"Are you homophibic."
"What does my sexuality have to do with this?"
"Well the contract has to be sealed with a kiss, or the guy you will be drinking wont work until i get my pigs feet plus if you double cross me the goo will burn you inside out,pretty much."
"So wait, how will it work?"
"Well when anyone with bad intent for you sees you they will see another face hear another voice when you talk and that includes if your name is written down, so you will be free to live your life."
"Wow so no loopholes?"
"Nope, I'm an honest which,probably the only one on earth."
"Ok then so when do we sign the contract?"
"After you drink what is going to taste like horse shit."
"Oh." He looked over to the cauldron and poured the ooze into a cup.
"Bottoms up big boy, just tell yourself it's hot cheese, really thick smelly cheese."
I blew it an dchugged, he was right it did taste like horse shit if i ever tasted it. I was ready to throw up but I didn't dare. He takes the bowl from me and hands me a peppermint., i immediately eat it to get the taste out of my mouth.People could use drinking that as a form of torture. When the peppermint took over I felt like I was in heaven.
"Ok so warning when the contract is sealed your body will feel hot for a little bit and your belly will become empty because that shit is going into your veins. Ok so i suggest after you go get a big mac large fries and an extra large soda. Got it?"
"Yeah, so when will the potion take effect."
"As soon as the three little pigs have no more feet and they are in my hand."
"Ok, I'm ready."
He came closer and I looked into those old dark eyes. He reached hi shands up, huh what does he want me to pick him up or something, i'm confused. I reached down and picked him up, he was PISSED.
"I am not a dolly, put me down NOW."
"S-Sorry i didn't know what to do."
"It meant I needed your face closer."
Well now I really do feel like a numb nut. I leaned down and he laid his lips on me, oddly it felt nice, his lips were soft but very cold. I felt my stomach empty and my blood get hot, his cold lips that point to a kind of soothing. As soon as teh heat left so did his lips. Now I felt cold, and time seemed to fly by. Oh well but be the potion, becayse there is no way im bisexual muchless gay. Just then my phone began ringing, it was Jacod.
"Hey Mike, how you doing? What's the price?"
"Two pounds of pigs feet."
"Oh that's easy, zelle me some money and i'll go to the butchers ten minutes from here."
"You serious dude?"
"Yeah this place gives me the creeps, i don't wanna be coming here a second time."
I hung up and sent him the money, at least this will be one and done.
"Well time to walk you back to the car."
"Um actually would we hold off on that Jacob is going to get the pigs feet and give them to you."
Without saying another word he transformed into a cat and stretched. What a weird dude, i don't even know his name and without warning just transforms into a damn cat. He found his way onto my shoulder and just sat there, ok this is super weird.
"Come on lets start on that long walk, i would like to get back to my milk and that book."
I walked back through the wall, out of a shroom and out the door, Yay back to this boring brick road. Might as well make small talk.
"So cat, what book are you reading?"
"It's not the type that you would probably enjoy, and don't call me cat i rather you not address me at all."
"Ok Mr. Pole up his ass, along with your british accent."
"Ok that's weird so bring it on what type of book you were reading?"
"Gay books big boy, one man is from thefairy kingdom teh other from the human world, liek teh movie Pan but gay."
"Oh wow i did not see that coming."
"Really? Oh come on I am no lady killer nor do i want to be."
"You talk weird."
"No, I speak like a sophisticated person."
"More like up tight."
"Why do you read gay books?"
"Why not, the imagination is your greatest power, so I use mine, imagine I am somewhere else, with someone else."
"Oh I see, so what is your type?"
"If you dated what kind of guys would you date?"
"Probably a giant like you, a big sweet giant."
"Wow i did not see that coming. I thought you would want someone more like you."
"More like me?"
"Shy, quiet, mean, cold."
"I am not mean or shy, i just stopped giving a fuck what others think, plus haven't you heard opposites attract."
"So you want a little lollipop to turn sour."
"No you don't understand, I want a change of scenery,someone c completely different, that sees the bright side to things."
"I swear if you were a chick i would like you but be too scared to actually date you."
"Are you saying i look like a female?"
"No not really, i mean if you cut your ha-"
"Never going to happen."
"Ok I'm sensitive about the hair. Oh look we ae here."
I guess our little chit chat made the walk feel a lot shorter. Jacob was waving around the bay of pigs feet. The cat hopped off of my shoulder and shifted back, to think I actually missed his pink nose. He looked like he was being handed a two pound bag of candy. He took it from Jacob with a smile.
"Well boys pleasure doing business with you now be on your way and come back when you get yourself in more trouble."
He just vanished, i think ill actually miss that gay bastard. We hopped in the air and when we pulled up to the apartment there was Lucy's uncle.Jacob kept the car running in case the potion didn't work. I walked right up to him and he smiled. He didn't even know me as I was about to enter the building. He put a hand on my shoulder and turned around ready to faint.
"Excuse me young ma do you know if a boy by the name of Micheal Viscacha, he is my nephew and i need to see him."
"No, I'm sorry sir i don't know anyone by that name."
"Ohk it's fine."
He waved goodby and walked off back to his SUV. Thank you little white fluffball. I gave Jacob a thumbs up and he drove off. I really need to get a car, but a job first. I went back to my crappy apartment and picked up the newspaper that was circled with jobs. I looked at the newspaper and finally decided to call one of the job offers. A place called MercyCo, it was an office job where basically you sit in a ubical and take calls all day long, how boring but the pay is really really good. I gave them a call and I have an interview in two weeks. Great, I have two weeks to kill. I wonder what Jacob is up to.
'hey j what you doing for the next two weeks, i have time to kill until my first job interview?'
'thats awesome man, i have a job interview in two weeks too, um i was hoping u had something in mind'
'No to hot for that shit yo'
'go shopping for suits?'
'Thats a start we will need them, this company MercyCo are accepting twelve people they are fancy as fuck, im going to have to get a hair cut.'
'I have an interview for them in two weeks at 4pm'
'Mine is 4:30'
'At least we can go together'
'yeah dude, i'll pick you up at your place tomorrow around ten.'
At least if we both get the job i get a free ride home,Jason ha to pass my place to get to his anyways.I can't believe they pay $25 per hour, i guess my luck i turning around, thank god it i needed, thank you fluffball.I hope he can't read my mind or he would be pissed im calling a fluffball. I began to clean up my mess of an apartment and cook dinner, this is a new beginning.