"Give me a hug before I go" said my mom before closing her eyes. I gave her one, and never got one from her again. Those are the last words I remember from her. I wish I heard more. She always said hugs say I love you or I care. 

My dad doesn't like hugs. After mom died he would hide from me. He was always away. And when he was here so was another woman. I didnt like this but as long as I didnt have to call them momma I was fine. I was always alone. I dont like being alone but at school everyone made fun of me because I didn't talk. The teachers would often give me detention because I wouldn't talk when they called, soon they stopped calling on me but they already got other kids to notice me. 

I like to think I'm tall. I'm 5'7 and do beat some kids as I'm taller than them but I did wish I could be taller. I was never strong. Not in the least. I never did much to fix that so when my doctors appointment from when I was 12 said I was underweight I didnt think much of it. Though he said I should eat more or I might die. I didnt mind. I knew many people would be happy if I did. 

At the start of high school kids found out I was underweight. They often came and spit in my food or threw dirt.  I didnt mind then either. I dont care much for others. They can do anything and I wouldnt mind. I consider them to be nothing but obstacles that I must ignore. 

Teachers started to get worried after they saw I stopped eating. They forced my dad to take me to the hospital  and put me in a counseling program. I had to go every Monday and Tuesday. I told on the kids, but other than that dozed off during these sessions. I didnt want to go. I wanted to stay home and sleep. Once the counselor asked my why I liked to sleep. I looked at her and said I would think about why and tell her. She smiled and told me I could leave. I went home early and didnt sleep. I thought of her question, I liked to sleep, it's all I ever really did. And if I wasnt sleeping I was at school or on my way home. I thought and thought.

 Then I knew. When I sleep I have nothing to worry about. Nothing to think about. Its peaceful and quiet and I hate when I wake up from it. 

Waking form nothingness into problems and emptiness. Into bullies and lectures. Into faces I no longer notice to words I never say. Sleeping is my everything because I wanted nothing. I got nothing and I have nothing.

I told her this and she wrote every word down. She changed everything she did and eventually got me interested in art. "Make this your everything." She said with a smile after I successfully drew my mother's face. I smiled and looked at her. Thanking her before leaving, knowing that this was my last session with her. I drew most of my time away. I still didnt study but people eventually left me alone so I also started eating more. My counselor was happy with my progress. And I  left high school happy and healthy. Having recovered from most of my problems. I still didnt talk though. 

Now its my first year of college. And I am moving into the dorms always from my father and his substitute. Leaving him to suffer alone with strangers that dont care. 

I'm on my way to the dorms. I hope my roommates nice, And I hope its worth it. If it's not then I'd have more to be disappointed with. Then I did at home.