Again........

Once again......

I stared blankly at the footprints in the wet mud. Falling to my knees, I started sobbing. Why.....

It was supposed to be a blessing. But it's become a curse instead. I had tried. Tried to stay strong.

Smile and be happy. Avoid anything that will cause trouble. 

But it never worked. What does "living" even mean? I tried everything but yet again I'm here, where it all had started.

Everyone would have forgotten everything. And only I remember and now will live yet another life in misery, all thanks to a moment's implusiveness.

I finally got up and started walking home. Unlike the previous times, I took a shortcut through the fields, all the while trying my hardest not to cry. 

It is difficult and will only get tougher but I have to hold on. Killing myself will only bring a moment's relief and then I'll again go back to the same place where I was moments ago.

 Tears silently streamed down my cheeks. Everytime I took caution to never cry at home, never let my family see me crying but not this time. I had suffered enough and can't hold it in any longer. Arriving at the modest cottage my family owned, I hurriedly opened the door and directly went to the kitchen, not bothering to even remove my dirty slippers. There, as usual my mom was making preparations for dinner. 

She was surprised the moment I tightly hugged her, and started crying continuously. I was the type to never show much emotion and this sudden outburst shocked her. She kept asking what happened and tried comforting me but to no avail, all I did was cry and let out all my piled up emotions of my past lifes.

After a while when I calmed down, came the questions. But I refused to answer them and just silently gazed at my mother's face. How I had longed for years to see her face just one more time. There were hardly any wrinkles, unlike how I remembered. 

I could still remember all the five times it happened. The pain at that time and the hollowness that followed. The wish to erase all the memories just to get rid of the pain. But of course that wish was never granted. The only time my wish was granted was when I never wanted it to be granted. The time when I had wished to die only when I will live a happy life. And apparently I was not happy in my previous five lives, and thus, my sixth life begins.