It's funny, how when you're dreaming nothing makes sense. Everything's a jumble of images that don't make sense, noises that never register...at least that what I've been told about dreams. Whether it was the other soldiers in the compound or the few scientists that talk to me, it's always the same story. I always listen to them wondering how come my dreams are never like theirs...how in my dreams everything is so vivid and the noises come out as voices...how I become someone else. Something always wells up in my stomach making me want to throw up and curl into a ball. I don't know what the feeling is but someone told me that it was fear, so that must be what it is. So, when I woke up this morning, hand over my pounding heart, gasping for air, sweat pouring down my face, I realized just exactly what fear was.

I took multiple deep breaths, trying to calm myself though it didn't help me much. The dream was so vividly terrifying...I was drowning...the deep blue of the river surrounding me as the darkness closed in. The couldn't quite grasp what had happened before then, just a bunch of jumbled words and blurry images until I was thrown into the river. I shivered as I remember the chilling cold that had seized me at the water wrapped me in its arms. I was all too real, too real for my liking.

I sat up in the bed and looked around the room at my surroundings. White walls that glistened in the bright LED light. Across the room, a table sat with black clothing and a small bottle of water and a jar of pills. I sighed pulling myself out of bed and walking over to the table picking up the jar of pills and opening it, taking out one of the small clear blue pills. I set the jar back down and picked up the water, tilted my head back and put the small pill as far back into my throat as possible before taking a giant swallow of water. I felt an instant burning sensation on my tongue and in my throat. It snaked down into my stomach and up into my brain until my whole body was on fire. I stood there shaking as my vision fazed in and out of focus. It felt hard to breathe and I could hear the hard pounds of my heart. Then suddenly everything came to a standstill as everything tuned in at once. I felt as the fear from my dream faded away and was replaced by a bitter cold void. 

The pills stripped me of everything, free thought, speech, and emotion. The problem with the pills was the fact that over time they made me lose my emotions. I'm fine with that of course because it makes my job easier that way I don't have to explain how I'm feeling to the scientists because I no longer can. Now of course, sometimes my job requires me to interact with other people but then I begin to fake emotions. By watching others I can pretend to feel a certain way about a subject. Smile when someones happy, frown when someones mad or sad, grimace when they're disgusted, and so on. Though I could mimic the emotions perfectly, I could never apply them to myself no matter how much I tried, I never felt the same way others did. It was in a way aggravating but I learned to cope, it was the life I lived whether I liked it or not. And as I mentioned before, it makes my job easier when I don't feel anything, it means I won't fall for the fatal mistake that others go for...feeling compassion.

I set the water down and walked over to a seemingly blank wall, pressing my palm into a hand-shaped imprint. The imprint glowed and a door in front of me slid open. I walked out turning left down the corridor outside of it. I came to another door and repeated the same process revealing a room that looked close to my own besides the giant desk which was surrounded by chairs in the middle of the room. On top of the desk was a yellow folder which I grabbed and opened. On the inside of the folder was the picture of a man with blonde hair and giant round glasses covering deep brown eyes. Next to his picture was his profile:

Name: Jason Terry

Status: Middle Class, Married, Five children

Priority: High

Mission: Befriend Jason Terry enough to where he invites you into his household where you and AB27 and AC68 are to eliminate him and his family.

Reward: Twelve Days for leave

I put the folder back on the table and exited the room. This was why I was the best at my job. I had no compassion for others so killing entire families had no effect on me and I never felt guilty about it later. A lot of people called me a monster because of it and I didn't blame them for it. They weren't lying, I was a monster...a soulless monster...and I was fine with it. Even though they knew nothing about me...about what I went through at night...how I felt...I understood...the only thing I understood. I was their little monster and I was happy to play that role because it was the only thing I knew...the only thing that I understood about myself...