Sobaeksan, Korea

1578

I peered into the kettle, the aroma of ginger stinging my nose. My reflection in the dark liquid stared back at me. A plum-colored flower accessory was fastened to my head, complimenting my dark brown braids. My cheeks were rosy against my fair complexion. At least I looked the part. Acting the part was the question.

My eyes wandered to the open window. The rays of the sun shined through the cherry blossom tree. A red bird perched on one of the branches, chirped, and flew onto the windowsill. It peeked inside and without hesitation, made a swift escape, flying far beyond the hills. "Me too, birdy. Me too," I said quietly.

"Hae Ri! Where is Admiral Son's tea?" Mother called out from the other room.

I snapped out of my trance and covered the kettle. My steps were soft and slow, careful not to spill. If I got tea all over my yellow hanbok, I wouldn't hear the end of it. Mother's eyes burned holes through me as she watched my every move. Her hair was pulled back into a bun so tight, you wondered how she had any left. I walked with an imaginary jug of water on my head. Shoulders back, chest out, and eyes forward. With grace, I placed the tray in front of my suitor. I took a step back and bowed with my hands pressed to my stomach.

Mother recited her welcome. "Our dearest Admiral Son, it is an honor to have you here before us. Your prowess on the battlefield is unmatched. We hope that you will find this meeting to your liking. Allow me to introduce my daughter," she gestured to me and I bowed just like we rehearsed. "This young lady is Han Hae Ri."

"It is a pleasure to meet you my lord," I said softly and poured him a cup of tea.

He nodded and held the sleeve of his deep red hanbok out of the way to sip his tea. Upon tasting it, he made a slight sour face.

Mother shot me a look. To save our chances, she spoke. "You will find her to be the most ideal wife," she began her sales pitch. "My daughter is elegant, obedient, and best of all, untouched."

Untouched, pure, never tainted by a man. That was the selling point, what every one of my suitors were looking for.

His wrinkled eyes roved over my body.

I so badly wanted to shield myself, but I had to remain open and desirable. That was one of the rules.

He ran his hand along the grey streak of hair in his topknot and cleared his throat. "It is strange that she is unmarried at seventeen. What about her womb?"

"It is fully functional. She has bleedings every month," my mother assured him.

"Beautiful, pure, and fertile. I like what I see," he said with a small smile.

Mother tried to contain her joy. "We are pleased that you have taken a liking to her," she nudged me and mouthed, "thank him."

"Thank you, my lord," I said reluctantly.

He nodded. "Mrs. Han, you mentioned that she is talented in your letter."

"Certainly, my lord. She is gifted in playing the Gayageum. Hae Ri, if you would."

I retrieved the stringed instrument from the corner of the room. A wave of heat immediately came over me. I sat on the floor with the Gayageum on my lap. It was so large that half of it laid on the floor. With sweaty palms, I strummed the beginning of "Spring's Arrival." The peaceful melody filled the room. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I couldn't understand why. I had practiced this for countless months. Unable to shake the nervousness, I played badly. What was supposed to be a soft, delicate note came out as a harsh, sharp note.

Mother gasped and quickly apologized for me. "It seems our Hae Ri has forgotten the notes. Please allow her to start over," she gave me the look which meant if I messed up again, I'm dead.

Admiral Son put a hand up. "No, no that is quite alright. I have seen all I needed to see. Ladies, this meeting was pleasant. My servant will visit you tomorrow morning with my decision."

"Thank you, my lord. We will patiently await your answer. Take care," Mother said. We bowed and took our leave.

"Oh, and one more thing," Admiral Son stopped us. "Tell your daughter to smile more. She'd be prettier."

Mother was silent the entire trip back home. Once we reached indoors, she unleashed her rage. "You wench! How could you play like that in front of him?" She slapped me across the back. "We were so close. He was beginning to like you and you go and ruin our chances."

Our chance to live a good life. Had I performed well, Mother would not be a widow, but the in-law of an admiral. We would be taken care of. To anyone that would be a blessing, but for me it would be a curse.

"It is like I haven't taught you anything at all." She continued to hit and push me.

I took each of her blows. "I’m sorry," I said with my head down. Tears welled in my eyes.

"Tomorrow you will practice the Gayageum until your fingers bleed." With that, she stomped off to her room.

There used to be a time when she'd put a flower in my hair and sing me to sleep. I could come to her and she would be there to lend a shoulder. Back then, she was my mother, not my nightmare. Through it all, I couldn't hate her. She had been in my place before. Her mother arranged a marriage for her. She had to train to be the perfect wife. Never allowed to speak her mind, had to be gentle, and do everything a man told her to. It is only natural for her to continue this dreaded cycle.

I unraveled my braid and went through it with a brush. The wooden bristles gathered my loose dark brown strands. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. The village elders always said that I resembled Father. I have his thick eyebrows and wide nose. Mother told me many times that if I looked more like her, I would have been married by now. I've never paid that any mind. She only said things like that to get back at Father. It was like she could sense when his spirit was around.

I patted my face dry with a cloth and sat by the window to feel the night breeze. My worries seemed to slip away at that moment. That peace was cut short by the sudden sound of chimes coming from the forest. Out of the darkness appeared a pair of glowing emerald eyes. They were cat-like, mesmerizing and entrancing. I wanted to get closer and meet their owner. My body resisted the temptation and simply watched in awe.

As quick as the eyes appeared, they vanished just as fast, leaving a sparking jade trail in their wake. I squinted to see if I could catch a glimpse of the mysterious creature, but it was far too dark, and they were long gone. Never had I seen something so magical, so surreal. Perhaps it was a friendly spirit, a divine being sent to watch over us. But such spirits were usually hidden to the human eyes, hinting that I might be dealing with something much different.

Afraid my curiosity would get the best of me I shut my window and prepared for sleep. I laid on my side and closed my eyes as if I were unbothered by it all but, secretly I longed to hear the chimes again.