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FNaF: Before Dark

24 hours before the incident.

24 hours before the incident.

Feb 06, 2020

Sue sighed in relief as the day was over. The kids flocked to their parents and soon the pizzeria was quiet. It was only Sue, the big empty halls and the toy animatronics on the stage.

She whistled as she went to the locker room to get her belongings. But then, a shadowy figure appeared in front of her and made a high-pitched scream. Sue did a short scream and the figure laughed in a deeper tone. She soon realised it was Rory.

"God damn it, Rory! Why the hell would you do that!?" Sue yelled.

Rory and Sue had been working together for quite some time, but Rory could be a nuisance sometimes.

"Oh, man! That was hilarious! You should've seen your face!" Rory laughed.

"Come on, stop acting like a five-year-old and let's just get out of here," Sue sighed.

They both walked into the staff locker room.

"So, how was your day?" Rory asked Sue.

"Not too bad. Had some kid complain about losing their Freddy plushie."

"Heh. I would be too." Rory chuckled.

"You don't even have one!" Sue said.

"What are you talking about? I have one at home!"

"Uh-huh," Sue mumbled. "sure you do."

After getting their things, Sue and Rory walked down the hallway and passed the Parts and Service room. But they stopped when they heard a strange noise coming from inside there.

"Do you hear that?" Rory questioned.

"Yeah, I do."

It was mechanical but unusual. Almost like the sounds of an animatronic.

"Do you think we should take a look?" Asked Rory

"Um, be my guest. There's no way I'm looking." Sue objected.

"Fine, 'be my guest'." Rory mocked.

His hand rested on the door handle, hesitating. In what felt like an eternity, Rory finally opened the door, slowly and cautiously. The creaking sounds of the door echoed through the vast, empty halls.

Rory peeked through the pitch dark room with only the lights from the halls leaking through. With enough courage, he turns on the light to see the four withered animatronics deactivated on the floor.

End of Episode 1

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finnshuntaro
Finnshuntaro

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#fnaf #fnaf2 #fnaf_2

Comments (10)

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AristocraticBane
AristocraticBane

Top comment

I only found very minor nitpicks in this overall. Great writing! I like the mental image of a buzzing estabilishment with annoying kids becoming serene. Replace "ran" in the first paragraph with "flocked". Remove the explanation about their relationship, it's pretty easy to glean from the situation, except keep the "they'd been working together for quite some time, but Rory could be a nuisance sometimes." Replace the "5-year-old" (brownie points for proper hyphenation) with "five-year-old". In the second line of dialogue, don't put a fullstop to end the quotation, use a comma. Describe the locker room as "staff" locker room. End the quotation with a fullstop if the sentence doesn't continue (fourth line of dialogue). Add a comma after "After getting their things". Instead of saying "halted as" say "halted by a strange noise". Don't capitalise the verb after the quotation. Overall, very minor nitpicks! I genuinely enjoyed reading it and the setting is great. Suspense is killing me and I've already read the next episode lmao. Great foreshadowing :). Gotta commend you on your brilliant formatting, grammar and spelling.

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Are you afraid of the dark? We all were once as a little child. It seems so silly now, there was no monster under the bed or the boogyman. It was just our crazy imagination. Or was it?

Follow Sue and Rory in this short horror story set in the "Five Nights at Freddy's" Universe and see what their fate is...
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5 episodes

24 hours before the incident.

24 hours before the incident.

539 views 2 likes 10 comments


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