As a child, I never wanted to get married, while people gushed about finding their first love and marrying them.

It was absurd how people went to great lengths just to please a girl. Why was this first love so great? Why did people want to get married? There were greater things in life than love.

That was until I met her.

I do not think I realised what I was feeling when I first met her.

The first time I laid my eyes upon her, my heart hammered as if time stopped.

She was an angel.

Well, that's before I got to know her.

She was what they called an angel with the personality of a devil.

Not that she was as evil as a devil.

It's just that she wasn't like any other lady I had met before.

She was chaotic.

While other ladies were attending tea parties, she was running barefoot through her garden.

I would ride a bicycle with her in the back seat, the wind blowing her hair softly.

I would look back at her, and she would give me this huge smile; time moved so slowly then.

Occasionally, I would accidentally crash into a bush. She was so beautiful that it was unbearable for my heart. I thought that I was going to die the more I looked at her.

Oh, how I would wish to get those times back. 

Unfortunately, time cannot be turned back.

War happened. She had to go back to her country.

And it was then I realised what I had fallen for.

So I vowed. I silently vowed that one day I would bring her back to my side again, that I would confess my feelings.

So I made her promise, “Keep in touch with me, write me letters.”

She said, “Definitely!”

And then… she left.

Her ship departed for her country, and I was left there standing alone.

My heart ached.

I was soon drafted into the military, as they were short on soldiers.

I would sit there at the end of a tiring day and read the letters she had written to me.

She was so goofy.

But… after a short while, they stopped coming.

I waited for so long.

They never came.

Had she abandoned me?

I wanted to know so bad.

But this stupid war would never end.

I waited and waited and waited.

After who knows how long, the day came when I was free from this hell.

When I could finally find out what happened to her.

So, I went home.

I asked my mother if there were any letters in my name.

She said there were none to my name.

How could this be? I fell to my knees.

I could not lose her.

I did not want to lose her.

For days, I was in a trance.

The memories of the battlefield gave me scars.

But the memories of her absence gave me deep wounds.

I did not sleep. I did not eat.

All I did was stare at the ceiling and try to find the face I longed for.

Then one day, my mother came to my chambers.

Her face was full of guilt.

She said, “I have something to tell you… There were indeed letters addressed to you.”

“What?!” I said with confusion, how could my own mother lie to me?

I felt dizzy.

“I had been sending them before thinking they were from a friend…” she paused.

The silence was suffocating.

“But then! I saw… I accidentally saw a letter. And… I could see how much love was put into it… and then I saw the name…”

“What are you implying, mother?!” My voice shook.

“You know that girl is out of her mind… she is not a proper lady!”

“What is it to you, mother! I love her! She is my everything!”

My mother flinched.

“I know what I did was wrong… but I can no longer see you in this state.”

She signalled for a maid close by.

She entered with a tray full of letters.

“So here take these…” 

I lunged forward, my hands trembling as I opened one of the letters.

“Dear Henry,

I hope everything is going well. And I pray that you are safe and not injured. It seems that the war will not stop anytime soon. Why did such a time come before us?

My brother was drafted into the military today. I feel quite sad… I really hope he comes home safely.

I am sure you do not want to hear such sad news while you are on the battlefield yourself.

So let me tell you about my days.

I am absolutely so bored; there is nothing to do here. All I can do is attend the gatherings my mother hosts (my mother forces me to attend)

This is why this war should be finished already, and things should go back to how they were. I really want to come back to London, I do not know if it's just the atmosphere or…

Or if it's just your company… but I really do want to come back. Then we could explore other places in Great Britain.

I do not know what I am writing anymore.

I await your reply.

Sincerely yours.”

Oh, how I wish that I were there to ease her worries.

However, that moment was long gone; all I could do now was to simply read the letters she wrote and hope that she would return to me.

So I continued to read the letters until my eyes landed on two letters that looked tear-stained.

My heart sank into my stomach.

“Dear Henry,

How long must I wait for your reply? Please tell me that you are still alive… I really do hope so. I do not know what I will do if you are dead.

Henry, I have come to realise something, something that should not have taken me this much time to realise… Henry, I am in love with you… Henry, I crave your affection, I crave your touch.

I want to hear your voice again. Please write back to me. I love you, Henry, so please don't leave me alone as my brother has.

We got news today that he died bravely protecting a little child. I do not know what to do anymore, Henry. Please…

Please write back to me, please let me know that you are alive. I will do anything… anything, please just return to me.

I love you, Henry.

Sincerely yours.”

She loves me…

My eyes filled with tears…

Both with sadness, to hear that her brother, my friend, passed away…

And from the sheer happiness that she loved me back.

She said the thing I was too afraid to say.

It doesn't matter who confessed first, right?

“Henry…” my mother said.

I slowly looked up.

I did not realise that she had not left.

“Before you feel like celebrating… please read the last letter…” she said.

“Is there something that you are not telling me, mother?” I questioned.

She looked down, not meeting my eyes.

“It is best if you read the letter before talking to me.”

Her response confused me; nonetheless, I opened the last letter.

“Dear Henry,

It has been a while… You haven't replied to my last letter. People around me tell me to forget about you. They tell me that if I have not heard from you, it must be that you are dead…

I try not to listen to them… because my heart says that you are still alive. However, my life has come to a point where I can no longer sit around and await your return.

Please do not think that I want this. I have tried my very best to persuade him… he no longer wants to listen to me. Henry, my father, has arranged for me to get married at the end of this week.

I am sorry, I couldn’t stop him anymore.

Goodbye Henry 

Sincerely yours.”

“Mother, when did this letter come!!” I yelled.

“It came a week before you came home, son.”

…

This was how my story ended.

I now understand what one’s first love is, and because I held such high expectations for love, I never married.

I did go to visit her… just once. I was curious as to what her life had become.

She looked happy. Happier than she could ever be with me.

And that made me realise something… it seemed like she didn’t love me as much as I loved her.

But it is alright, I do not care whose love was greater. Even if she did not love me, all that matters to me is that she is happy.

So, as that one song says, that’s when I left my heart with the girl made in Japan.