Cliches like crushes had never truly interested Liam. He didn’t have crushes, he would tell himself as he gazed longingly at men who would likely never be interested in him back. He was merely in love. It wasn’t a crush, it was true love. The first time he had felt like this, he knew instantly it was love. He had known he was gay since he was young. Never having shown interest in the girls of his class, Liam would often find himself experiencing the same love for the boys that he was told boys felt for girls. As he grew, he learned what that feeling was and the name for it. 

Liam never told his family. Not that he didn’t want to. As he gained the courage to inform his parents of his sexuality, they both passed in an accident. That was after he had graduated high school and the weight of their loss took a toll on him. Perhaps he was lucky, not having to deal with the possible rejection so many others had to, he kept telling himself. Even so, he’d rather have his parents alive and disliking his sexuality than parents that had slid off the road during a storm. 

After entering university, Liam was too busy for love. Certainly not for something as silly and childish as a crush. At 23, he had never kissed someone, let alone dated. He was in his final year of his bachelor’s when he met Jun, though met may be too strong of a word. Jun and Liam were in a course together, both of them getting their final credits out of the way and working on their dissertations. They had never crossed paths before, though Liam had heard of Jun. 

Jun should’ve been a year behind him. With his life being the absolute mess that it was, Liam started late and then contracted an illness that saw him needing consistent medical care for almost an entire semester. He took a medical leave of absence during that time, wallowing in self pity and boredom as his body slowly recovered. By the time he had returned, he and Jun were set to graduate at the same time and all of the women in his year couldn’t stop gushing about him. It took Liam less than two classes with Jun to realize why. He was kind, funny and had a personality that drew those around him in.

The longer the two of them shared a space, the more Liam could feel himself falling and falling hard. His heart would beat erratically, his mouth would dry out and his vision would blur. Just looking at Jun made him happy. It had been years since this kind of feeling had happened, though never this severe. The dizziness of looking at someone you love had always just been a slight flutter of the heart and flush of the cheek.

Ah, Liam would think to himself longingly as he gazed at Jun, willing his heart to calm down. This is love. 

Liam could never get used to it. The feeling of being in love. His heart raced a mile a minute as he watched the man he adored from afar do anything. Even the mundane task of whisking his long, black hair out of his eyes made Liam’s heart skip a beat. 

It had become a hobby, watching Jun. Jun was tall, well built and had beautiful peach blossom eyes. He wore a smile that could bring even the most dour person to their knees. And Liam was, if anything, a dour person. At 170cm, Liam was the shortest man in his family. His splash of freckles on pale skin with his mane of bright, flaming red hair made him stand out in a less than positive way. His untameable locks would stick out in all directions, not quite curly and not quite straight. He had never learned to style his hair and couldn’t be bothered to now. To avoid embarrassment, Liam would keep his hair hidden beneath a beanie or under the hood of his jackets.

Jun, on the other hand, was handsome. His muscular frame stood at just under 180cm, his black hair straight with a handsome, stylish cut allowing for a slight wave near the ends. His full lips would part slightly with every smile, nose crinkling and dark eyes filling with mirth. He was the opposite of Liam in every aspect. He was healthy, intelligent, and athletic. He was perfect. 

Each time Liam would attempt to work up the courage to go and speak to Jun, his heart would race, his vision faded and he’d quickly sit back down. He wanted nothing more than to be able to ask Jun what his favorite movie was, his favorite band, maybe his favorite cheese. He wanted to ask him on a date and be able to stare into those deep, soulful eyes all night yet the beating of his heart created a sort of anxiety he had never felt before. 

That day, he had decided that it was finally time. He would introduce himself to the man he loved from a distance and shoot his shot. He had been resting on a bench in the courtyard near his last class when Liam noticed Jun. Jun had been walking his beautiful German Shepherd Dog around their campus, the dog happily jaunting in a loose heel beside him. Liam could barely hold back his excitement as he stood to go say hello, the sound of his heart racing filling his ears as he stood up. He walked a few steps and the whooshing sound of his heart grew in volume.

Just breath, Liam kept thinking to himself, you can do this. 

With each step, the pounding grew louder, his vision blurring more and more, the edges fading to black. It was only anxiety, Liam kept telling himself. Once he said hello, it would go away. He approached Jun with what he hoped was a smile and raised a shaky hand.

“He-” Liam began as he reached Jun, whose face went from happiness to concern quickly. Liam couldn’t finish his sentence. His vision faded further and further and he heard barking in the distance. 

When Liam came to, there was a wet tongue aggressively licking his face and neck.He didn’t know how long he had been out, though it couldn’t have been too long. He opened his eyes slowly, and then felt a heavy weight being applied to his chest. It was warm and comfortable but almost suffocating. It took a second for him to get his bearings when he made eye contact with Jun. 

Jun was kneeling next to Liam, his fingers pressed against Liam’s wrist, eyes focused. When he realized that Liam was conscious again, he breathed a quick sigh of relief. 

“Nabi, off,” Jun said in a low, comforting voice. The dog stopped licking and when Liam looked at his chest, he saw the large German Shepherd gazing at him with a worried expression, tongue still hanging out of his mouth as he had been going for another quick lick. 

Nabi whined and put his head down, refusing to get up but stopping his desperate licking. Liam gave the pooch a small smile before lifting his hand to stroke his coarse fur. It was softer than he had been expecting and shed in his hands. He shook the fur off slightly and looked back over to Jun. He wanted to hide, to bury himself in a hole, to pretend he didn’t exist. But he had come this far, so he sheepishly smiled.

“Um… hello,” Liam said in what he hoped was a light and conversational tone. Not that he could truly be conversational when he was laying on the grass with a dog plopped on his chest. Nevertheless, he had made a promise to himself to talk to Jun today and he would. Even if his anxiety had gotten the better of him. 

“Does that happen often?” Jun responded, tone full of concern and a little amusement. His deep voice caused goosebumps to form on Liam’s arms. How could every aspect of this man be so goddamn attractive? 

Only when I look at you, Liam wanted to respond. Though that wouldn’t have been accurate. Since he had been sick the previous year, he had issues with his heart racing. He had chalked it up to anxiety, since his illness had landed him in the hospital for so long and he’d fallen so far behind his peers. 

“Not often,” he opted to respond, pale face heating up with embarrassment. 

“Your heart rate was high, you know. Higher than it should be for just walking. You should exercise more,” Jun said. His fingers were still pressed on Liam’s wrist, feeling the pulses of his heart beating. It was only then Liam realized Jun was touching him and his face burned hotter. 

“Oh, it went up more.” 

“No, no no,” Liam started to stutter, bringing his hand up to cover his face. His skin color probably matched his hair color by now. “No, I’m fine. I was just nervous. I’ve been wanting to say hi to you but I couldn’t…”

Liam paused to look through his fingers, realizing what he had just said. Jun wasn’t looking directly at him, instead gazing at Nabi with a soft smile. 

Good, he thought, sighing inwardly. Maybe he didn’t notice.

“So,” Jun chuckled. “You wanted to talk to me?”