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Hold my Pitchfork, I'm Snatching his Halo!

Everything is a Lie

Everything is a Lie

Apr 03, 2018

In Christian theology, hell is regarded as a place of evil and suffering, often traditionally depicted as a place of perpetual fire beneath the earth where the wicked are punished after death. That’s what Wikipedia says about hell, it is also a prime example of why people shouldn’t believe everything they see on the internet . It is untrue due to the following reasons:

First of all, demons work hard to get people to sin, sometimes they even work on overtime. No human is born evil, it takes years of hard work on hell’s part to make someone walk down the wrong road. It’s kinda like getting a friend to like the same weird porn you’re into. When they finally give in, you don't push them into a boiling river of blood to drown forever. Instead, you give them a reward for finally doing what you wanted them to do in the first place. That is why, in reality, when people go to hell the first things they’ll get is a welcome party, a pat on the back, and a shot of their favorite drink.

Second, hell is a busy place, no one has the time to administer torture to every single soul that goes through their gates. Also, it is important to note that hell's main goal here is to get as many people as possible to side with evil before Armageddon comes. Using their manpower to inflict continuous torture will only prove to be pointless and counterproductive. So instead of making them roll rocks forever, wouldn’t it be smarter to train them how to corrupt even more humans?

As is the case with Vale, short for Valentin, who was one of the estimated 75 million victims of the Black Plague in the 14th century. He was directly sent to hell after his death due to reasons he didn’t bother finding out, retrieving memories from past lives requires tedious amount of paperwork and Vale didn’t feel like putting that much effort into memories that would be of no use to him in his current state. Instead, he enlisted in training that would teach him how to entice humans into walking the way of evil, just because the idea seemed so interesting to him at that time.

Vale was immediately sent to the mortal world after completing ten years of training (a year in each of the nine Circles of Hell and an additional year in Limbo), something he’s quite proud of because fresh graduates were rarely allowed to work in the field so soon . He was placed under Greed, one of hell’s revered Seven Departments, where he specialized in corrupting politicians.

And so he was back on earth by the start of the 15th century to sway unknowing humans. Occasionally, once or twice a century to be more specific, he would be called “downstairs” to receive commendations from his superiors. This time however, Vale was sure that he was not summoned to receive a pat on the back.

fayefayefaye122
ITLOG

Creator

yes, hello native english speakers, why is your language so hard?

#hahaha_i_can_feel_myself_burning_in_hell_already #firstwriterscamp

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Ryleigh Brooke
Ryleigh Brooke

Top comment

Hello. Native English speaker here. I’m sorry our language is so hard. Even us natives have trouble with it. 😂

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Hold my Pitchfork, I'm Snatching his Halo!
Hold my Pitchfork, I'm Snatching his Halo!

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Vale is just your regular hardworking employee vying for a promotion. He wakes up in the morning, drinks his coffee, and works his butt off corrupting politicians, making sure their greedy asses all wind up in hell. Oh right, I forgot to mention that he's a demon who works for the Dark Overlord of the Underworld. But honestly, the most important part here is that he really needs to get that promotion. It would have been a piece of cake if only heaven knew how to mind its own damn business.

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Also contains romance, action, grumpy cats, drama, devil worship, fantasy, hate speech against desserts, aliens, puppies, and all that good stuff.
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Everything is a Lie

Everything is a Lie

2.4k views 87 likes 17 comments


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