The trope that all abused kids know that they're being abused is bullshit. I didn't figure it out until my freshman year of high school, but long after my discovery I still doubt it, even now. I have many people to thank for my discovery but Magnus most of all, my thanks are to you. 

     Freshman year was a blur that simultaneously dragged along and sped by, much like an agonizing drive. The scenery speeds by and I was suspended in a limbo, unable to interact with it, just there for the ride. 

     I was delighted to be a high schooler, just one more step closer to freedom, escape, and independence. I bounded out of my house that first morning, several minutes too early but determined nonetheless. I bounced and flounced my way through that first day, basking in the literal and metaphorical sunshine of the day. I ignored the signal smoke on the horizon; I let my ignorance make my bliss. 

     The second day, I was no less enthusiastic. I flamboyantly traipsed to every class. The first class had me in awe of a woman nearly half my size. 

     "Boys do the odds. Girls the evens. You're old enough and mature enough to make that decision yourself, " She said, looking out at all of us, her gaze lingering on my face. Choose? Who was she to say I have a choice? If my mom knew what I am, she would kill me. How is that a choice?  It brewed a conflict that wouldn't be resolved until that December. 

     Second period whizzed by and the lunch bell soon rang. I bounded to my friends, Candy and Riley. We headed outside to eat. I discovered that Riley and I had the same third hour class. When the bell rang, I kept pace with her and we headed to the classroom where I'd find my polar opposite, dogma wise. 

Riley and I gathered our textbooks and I deliberately steered us towards hands down the hottest guy I had ever seen. Riley, seeing the eyes I was making at the guy, sat next to him so I couldn't. I sat in front of her. 

The guy was funny, pierced, and had a bulge the size of a small kitten. I was extremely drawn to him. Too bad I was dating someone.   

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     The county fair was a highly anticipated event by everyone, including me that year. I got dolled up (read I put on clothes that I'm not comfortable in that gets me catcalled) and pranced down to the fairgrounds. It was not our first date, but it would be our last. 

Harry asked about how school was. I gave a pretty vague answer, but mentioned that I had made friends with a junior boy who was very nice. Harry bristled, "I bet he's only nice to you because of your giant tits." I glowed at the fact that he acknowledged that I had a desirable quality, at the fact that he thought that I was attractive to others. I also became determined to prove that Magnus liked me for more than just my tits. 

     And I did just that. I pushed myself to talk to him at every opportunity I had. I scheduled tests when I thought he'd be there, I complimented him, I asked about his hobbies, but it wasn't quiet enough, not quite. 

     One day in B-3, I was wearing a band pin from a band I was obsessed with. The class was sat in a circle, but as I had slipped in as the bell rang, I hadn't anywhere to sit. Cue Magnus waving me over to the seat he had apparently saved for me (Magnus was almost universally well liked and there was always a pretty girl vying for his attention but still he saved me a seat). 

"Hey dude, glad you made it," He said, flashing me a heart-stopping grin. "Is that a My Chemical Romance pin? I love them!" I almost died. Some how I got his number and I became his friend. 

I broke up with Harry that day and set my sights on seeing more of the world that Magnus had given me a glimpse of. 

That night, I texted Magnus. To my surprised delight, he messaged back quickly. Soon, we were talking and joking like we had known each other forever. 

So uh, whats your opinion on Caitlyn Jenner? I texted him as my heart beat an irregular rhythm in my chest. 

As a person? Awful. Her transition? Is not really my business but I support it. He replied swiftly. I exhaled. I wanted to tell him who I was, my Real Name but I didn't, not then.

I came out to him on accident. His partner, Ali, introduced themselves and I spewed out, "Oh! Hi Ali I'm Wallace but please, call me Walls, most people do." 

"I hadn't realized," Magnus said, "Hol' up! Lemme change your name in my phone." 

Second semester, Magnus and I, luckily, got another class together. There, we talked more because it was study hall. I let more and more of my past slip, to his ever increasing alarm. 

     "How was your weekend, Walls?" he asked, sliding next to me. I looked up and winced at the pain in my neck. I made a so-so gesture with my hand. 

     "That bad? Wanna talk about it?" He asked, leaning towards me with intensity. 

     "Please don't hate me?" I begged. He chuckled but nodded in affirmation. And I spewed out the fact that I had been beat by my mother and cast out of the house the evening before so I had slept outside.  "I shouldn't have taken food from the kitchen, I know that now, but she hadn't let me eat in almost a week. I'm selfish, I know." The look on his face froze my vocal chords for a moment. The look on his face was violent. I flinched away, placing my back against the wall. 

     He seemed to realize he was scaring me. "Walls, " Magnus said softly, "what she did isn't okay. You need to tell someone." I vehemently shook my head. The last time I had done that they told her that I was the one that had reported it. I had almost died. "Walls, that's abuse. She is abusing you and you need to tell someone," He repeated, more fervently. Abuse? She doesn't rape me, and hitting your kids is perfectly legal. It's not abuse unless she's my spouse or partner, right? Child abuse is just spoiled brats tattling on their parents.  Oh how wrong I was. 

Approximately a week later, I was called to the office in the middle of my third period class. My no nonsense, GSA leading, science teacher didn't even give me hell for being called out, like she normally would have. My anxiety levels soared. 

I trudged down the two flights of stairs, and the junior corridor, blowing a kiss to Magnus' locker, for good luck. I arrived at the office, and the office lady, Gina, gave me a strange smile and guided me into the conference room. I slid into the room, making sure to keep the wall at my back. 

"Hi, I'm sorry to call you out of class like this, but I wasn't sure where else would be safe," She said, making sure to let me have a reasonable amount of space. Suddenly, it clicked. I knew what she was. 

"Hey, I'd say its no biggie, but it is my favourite class," I said, giving the barest hint of a smile. She giggled, the sound ringing false in my ears. 

"You go by Wallace, right?" she asked. I nodded. "How's school going, Wallace?" 

"As well as it can. Given the circumstances, I'd say its phenomenal," I said carefully, terror causing me to defend my family secrets. 

She sighed. "Listen, Wallace, I know whats going on at home. A report was made and it details physical abuse, starvation, and neglect. Is there anywhere you can stay as the investigation continues?" she asked, leveling with me. 

"I'm not sure. I can ask Magnus, he's offered once or twice. I could ask Candy, but her grandma is not very gay friendly. I don't know, man. I don't have many friends..." I stared at the framed motivational poster across from me. 

"We can have you placed in a foster facility until we can determine if its safe for you at home, if you'd like?" It didn't really sound like a question. I promised her that I'd figure it out. As I stood to leave, the bell signaling the end of third period rang. 

"Ah fuck. I am going to be late to algebra. Wonder if Wario will cover for me..." I sighed. 

"Don't worry, Ms. Kimley emailed your teachers when you got pulled in here. You should be fine. And Wallace? Be careful." She smiled at me. I shot her a small smile over my shoulder and sprinted up to my third period class to grab my stuff. 

"Wallace! Hey! Why are you in here? Did you transfer into Astronomy with me?" Magnus called. I gathered my things quickly, and smiled at him. 

"Nah, just forgot my stuff. Laters, Magnus. Bye, Ali," I called as I sprinted down to my fourth period class, that was across the school and down two flights of stairs. I slid into my seat as the bell rang, panting.  

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I ended up living with Candy and her grandma for a few months. The CPS investigation ruled that there was no cause to remove me from the home legally. That spring was excellent, I did volunteer work, I traveled to New Orleans, and I began to shape my ideas of independence. As the curtain closed on my freshman year, the looming shadow of my problems grew closer, and then devoured me all together.