Dear Diary, Day 0.5
Hello, my name is Markus, but I prefer Mark. I am a inmate at the Pinedale Correctional Facility. My inmate number is #4152008. I am writing this "diary" of some sort to whoever
finds it. Speaking of that, as your reading this, I am most likely dead. I think it's best to clear up why. I am, well, a serial killer. I killed 12 young men while camping out with them. They had a few beers, and by a few I mean they were flat out drunk. They were white trash, and pissed me off. I grabbed a hatchet i brought to collect fire wood and slaughtered all of them like pigs. It gave me this feeling, it, I cant describe it. It was so MAGNIFICENT. Sorry, I got out of hand. In the off chance I'm not dead when somebody finds this, I'll give you my description. 5'6, Caucasian Male with dark green eyes, very long brown hair, and glasses.
Now that that's out of the way and you know why your reading this, let's start my little Diary.
My little, Prison Diary of a Serial Killer. Hey, that would make a good book name.
Hey, it's me again. I just got off of the prison bus a few hours ago, was with like 15 other dudes. One guy, he was Asian as fuck, but sounded irish? Fucked, right? Anyways, when I got off the bus i wasn't scared at ALL. I watched some of Orange is the new Black, I should fine.
I'm getting off the bus and I see this CO right? He's just eyefucking the hell out of the female driver. I'm seeing his eyes going everywhere like a fucking loony tunes cartoon. God, I miss laying home when I was only 7, on cold Tuesday nights, relaxing with my mom watching some good old bugs bunny antics. Oh right, I'm writing a diary about prison life, not bugs bunny.
I mean hey, if I'm still alive, i might be a famed writer! Mark, writer of not only a book about about prison but a bugs bunny porno! God, I would look good on tv. Alright, I get out of the prisoner bus and I see this fucking GIANT prison. I heard online it houses about 350 inmates. I see guards walking around carrying shotguns like they're about to cap something, and towers with snipers sitting on them. The only guard there that didn't make me shit my pants was this sniper just eating a fucking pb&j. So after my beyond scared straight episode, I'm finally in reception. This bald guard, looks like hes in his early 40s yells "STRIP!" so i do. He sticks his and up my ass to make sure I'm not packing heat. After a hour of getting voilated I'm finally a official prisoner. They gave me my number, #4152008. That one lady guard who was getting eye-fucked by, I'll call him, Highschool Gym Teacher, comes in and hands me some clean clothes. I say "Thank you." and she looks at me like i just threatened to shoot up a school.
Oh well, i don't wanna get friendly with these fucking CO's anyways.
First day in gen pop, baby. Right after reception, i see 5 inmates in the common room.
1 is this big, chubby, bald black dude. They call him "Big Chugs." Yeah, i can see the bigs part.
Then there's Monty. Short, stubby kid with ugly ass rimmed glasses and yellow slicked back hair. There's also Chester, stocky ginger dude with huge freckles. There's dickerson, the token redneck with a fucking mullet. Last but not least, Robyn. A guy with a mean haircut and mean green hair. No, that's not a joke, the fucker has GREEN HAIR. Anyways, these guys? Total fucking assholes. Well, not Chugs. You don't fuck with chugs. Our conversation goes as follows.
Robyn: "Oh look, we got ourselves fresh meat over here."
Monty: "Sup white boy."
Dickerson: "What are you in here fer, feller?"
Me: "Hey, shouldn't you, brush your teeth before talking to me."
Chester: "Hey now, don't be starting shit on you first fucking day now."
Chugs: "Sheeeeet, it aint even his first day yet."
Me: "Hey, redneck, is your cousin here? You'd probably know from fucking them so much."
Chester: "HEY, HEY!"
Dickerson: "DON'T TALK ABOUT MAH FUCKIN FAMILY!"
Dickerson charges at me. Thankfully I was right behind table. As he runs towards me I side step away then grab his head and start bashing it into the table as hard as I can.
Robyn and Monty try to stop me but Chugs stops them
Chugs: "Well I'll be dammed, white boy can fight!"
As I'm still banging his skull across a shitty 10$ table, i hear the rattling of a guards belt.
2 guards come, see be smashing this guys head into a fold up, and quickly grab me.
Looks like I'm going to solitary already.
--Chapter 1, END.--