Have you ever felt like an outsider, or bystander to the rest of the world sometimes. Come to school late and feel like time has stopped and the spotlight is on you for entering your class late. Unfortunately even though you feel awkward in that moment. School is where you can become the happiest, to escape the miserable life or suffocating agony you face at home. Have you felt confused in your mind whether you were happy to hear the bell ring at the end of your last class to go home or nervous. Then when you finally do go home you only come to realize that it is not home it's hell. Of course its home but you feel unsafe and troubled all of the time. Your parents ever argue from the morning to sunset, or ever scared to protect the ones you love but cant. On the other hand the ones you love soon become the ones you hate and along side them you begin to hate yourself as if it was your fault. Arguably you usually don't pick sides or your parents, but what if I told you some people have no choice, but to pick sides. Whether it's a divorce, argument, or fighting. When you have to decide against your own flesh in blood in your mind that you will never care or have any feeling for the one who made you takes a toll on you. Even so a part of you still hates that you can't get that feeling out of your mind of hating that person. Taking sides to protect your mother from violence trying to keep peace, watching your mother make the same mistakes time after time. Having both of your parents take cheap shots at each other only to miss each other and let the bullets hit you. You grow more and more cold a little bit more isolated. Even becomes harder to smile, you just look depressed all the time and people tell you. Oh also the isolated family you aren't allowed to have friends over at anytime unless your parents know of it. Let's not forget the helicopter parent who hovers over your every move ease-dropping. Waiting for you to do something terrible and to blast you for doing it. However you know your not doing any wrong, but those who are suppose to give you guidance are. Drunk, pothead, bipolar, OCD, low patience, and other possible problems. All things considered now here you are everything you want to be, or want to do comes last put on the back burner. Your grades you strive for the best only to thrive for the love you never received. You feel more like an old painting on the wall you put it up and show it off when people come, but after you never take it and dust it off or clean it. It sits there and gets dusty, old, sooner or later forgot about. With everything going on no notices you and when you do ask to something or go somewhere. No one has time, or your not allowed, nevertheless your not spending any of their money but it's still all of your fault. Don't forget about the older sibling you have to live up to and be just like have you ever had that sibling? Everything they do is perfect high GPA you have to get an even higher GPA or your nothing like your sibling. Your sibling dresses very nicely, so you have to dress just like them or buy the same clothing brand or wear the same style. Also whatever they do you have to do and if not your being stupid or stubborn. Now for yourself have you ever felt like you were doing the wrong, maybe it's something you said or did to feel like Hell was unleashed in your house. In that case if you have maybe you can empathize with Hewart. If not then you probably can sympathize with him as well as any other.
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