-Eden;

If you ask me what I want in life, I'd say I want to to be a very famous artist one day but especially I want to get to feel that feeling when I run home covered in sweat into my loving father's arms once again. How could I ever forget that feeling? Even if I tried to squeeze the liquid out of my fourteen years old brain, that faint memory won't go away for sure.

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Daddy works as a pilot so it's not so often he stays at home but even with that tight schedule he has he would always make time for mother and me. I love how he would always surprise us with souvenirs from different parts of the world, like one time when he had a flight with 422 passengers onboard to Hawaii, he brought back a hula-hoop; that wouldn't sound so surprising to you but that hula-hoop was made out of pretzel, which was a big surprise to me since we live in a small town called Kennebunk of plain o'Maine. He also brought a massive wiki tiki statue which creeped the hell out of me that night. 

Although Dad's arrival brought colors to my ever empty world, that doesn't seem to be the same with Mother. Whenever Dad arrives home Mother would stood still quiet while we indulge in conversations and whenever I'm not beside them I would hear them arguing when they had the chance to, especially at night I remember hearing hear Mother screaming and dad would slam the door real hard. I can't remember the last time our family ever had a decent conversation. My life pretty much feels better when Dad's around but at the same time things get tenser with Mother as well, Mom gets really irritable and grumpy when Dad's home but when he leaves for work she would always either drown herself with alcohol or go on playdates with her lover.

The look on Mother's face every time her lover rings the phone brightens up then she would immediately run into her room to dress herself up as youthful as possible. I know him, that lover of hers. His name is Tylor, he's a typical ginger English man who always flashes up a smile whenever someone meets his eye; but in reality he's just a creepy old man. 

(No wonder why Mother was attracted to him when father wasn't around since he's the exact opposite of my father who's work's always a first priority)

At least but I know Dad's doing all that 24 hours hard work to let us live the life as we're living now, stress-free or so it seems on the outside. I know Mother loved Dad, that's why they were married in the first place and I know how lonely it feels without him beside her at all time, I know exactly how that feels because we're both waiting for the same person but it's not the same now, things change so does Mother's feeling. I was raised as an independent child so I'm expected to act mature towards situations like dealing with Mother's reckless behavior or seeing her doing all sort of things with Tylor. Mother's carelessness now reaches the point where she doesn't even bother about my existence at all, only when she had to give me my weekly pocket money or when she felt like my presence was needed but I would still love her unconditionally even if she would turn her back on me one day.

One morning, two years ago; I remember it was the first time I saw her with her lover she'd brought back from the bar she went to, she didn't expect me to be up so early since it was 5 AM in the morning but she also didn't know I waited for her to celebrate her birthday since the night before. I was really upset but no matter what I couldn't bring myself to speak up to her or shed any tears so I was just standing there smiling as the tear in her eyes trickled down her chin with her lover right behind her. She tried to wipe the tears away but it keeps on flowing out of her tear ducts.

I asked her, "Why are you crying, Linna?"

I would always call her by her real name when I'm serious or confused, it was like a habit to me.

She walked slowing into my path then turn her head back to her lover, who was standing; sober gesturing him to go downstairs to the living room and he nodded reluctantly. Turning her head back, facing me she reached out her hand to hug me tightly; uttering 'Sorry' again and again. As she was crying against my tiny shoulder, I realized that Mother is not as strong as she seem, she needs love and affection just like me and she needed someone to rely on when father's not around; that's also when I realized i wasn't enough to comfort her longing her.

Mother embraced me for a few minutes, and that was all I needed to feel her love, at least she knew that it might've hurt me seeing her with another man.

"Mom, I'm okay... Look, I'm not as weak as my tiny figure seems... I'm not angry at you or anything." I said to her, assuringly as I look into her teary eyes.

"Eden, Mom.. Mom's so s-sorry, I just.. I don't know what's in my head. I, I just miss your dad so much and he hasn't called at all. Eden, love.. I don't know what I should do." said Linna, weeping.

I cannot bring myself to blame her at all, I too feel the same way.

I smiled.

"I love you, Is my love not enough, Mother? I craved for your love, for your attention but why don't you feel the same way? Why do you have to go into another person's arm when you have me, who's always there, who lives with you everyday... Why... Why is it not me? Am I not worth your love and affection, Mother?" I question her, stern faced; in my heart, I feel tormented by the question which answer I knew from the deep within my heart.

Linna's face was full of dismay, she then burst into tears once again, "Eden, what I want is not love, it's lust and lust drives people to do many sinful things, m-many immoral things. I-I can't. I cannot love you, Eden. Y-you're that man's child." she replied, dejected.

I can feel the heat, running inside my body and it's going to burst very soon. "Mother, What's sinful is that you're running away from your responsibilities and you're running away from reality, you're running away because of your desires. Mother, I love you and I'm not encouraging you but your life doesn't have to be pulled down by the fact you gave birth to me... I love Dad as well I don't want Dad to know that our family has turned out this way.. but I don't want you to feel tied down to the responsibilities of raising me.. b-but just please love me like you always do even though I'm fa-father's child... " I blurt out as tiny drop of tears trickle down my face.. -(why am I saying all this? tears..?)

Mother looked surprise but then she smiled and said, "Eden, don't you know what you're saying right now is really mature for kids your age? I'm quite disappointed that you're not reacting rather a bit spoiled.. But thank you.. I appreciate that and I'll try my best."

As mother hug me once again, I couldn't bring myself to say what's on my mind, since this the moment I've always longed for.. Motherly love. 

I leaned my head unto her shoulder with the thoughts in mind, -(would it be better if I was a spoiled brat..? could I've gotten her love and affection if I didn't act like an independent arrogant brat..? would it be better for mother if I wasn't around to weight her down..? would Dad and Mom be happier without another being around to take care of?)

I could think of many possible could-s and would-s but that, shall remain within my heart from the rest of my life.

After a long talk, with Mom and her lover I found out about so many things about Mom I never knew. Like how she likes eating soft served ice-cream cones, or how she sounds like a grandma when she laughs. All the small things, I never knew.. her lover knows all of it.

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Now that it has been two years since our heart-heart talk, I found out she wasn't even serious when she was talking about how she's going to try but I don't really care now since the $50 weekly pocket money gives me company but I wouldn't want to go home since Tylor always around. He's creepy sometimes, he flashes inappropriate face at me time to time, he even tried to caress my leg when we were on the couch watching television one day. Because of that, I look even more forward to Dad's arrival because he would take me on trips away from Maine, not like he didn't tried asking Mom but Dad already lose hope on inviting mother on any trip since she would always find an excuse to stay home. I'm sure Dad knew there was no more love between them but he still came for me anyways and that's all I ever needed.

Trips with Dad, talking with Dad, laughing with dad... I want to travel with him and leave everything behind; all the insecurities, all the problems at home with mom, all the work at school.. everything fall...

This is a world where a cruel god reigns and which is exactly why he took the most important thing from me, My dad.