We sat next to each other on the train, still pretending to be strangers… I can't believe it's her after all these years. Ali was my childhood best friend…and my first love... I look down at my nails…pick…pick…pick…the colored nail polish falls from my nails from all the nerves. I keep stealing glances at her, hoping every time I was just mistaken and it was not really her. But every time I look up it's her.
Her long brown hair was now all cherry blossom pink instead of just the tips like she had in high school. She’s almost blinding to look at with the sunlight dancing across her bright hair. I see her piercing blue eyes scanning everything around her like she’s never been on a train and her rosy cheeks are as rosy as ever. Gosh has she always been this pretty? She’s dressed in a strapless white sweater dress, a matching pair of arm sleeves, and her signature black combat boots that are tapping the ground as though her ADHD energy was escaping with each hit. I remember when her legs could not reach the ground and would dangle through the air, but I guess she has grown since. I think she’s even taller than me now. I watch her and admire that even though it's been a couple of years, she’s still the same Ali I know and love.
That’s when I realized I have been staring a little too long because she noticed me. My heart stopped when her eyes met mine, wide with realization.
“Omg, Ava?! Is that you? I have not seen you since high school graduation! ” She screams and I flinch a bit from the noise. She looks at me confused for a second, “Wait can you…How have you been?”.
I laugh nervously, “I’m good. How is everything going at your dream college? I was not expecting you to come back here till Christmas break”. She seems to slump for a second before I see her focus on something else.
“When did you dye the tips of your hair?” she asks, holding a foam green strand that must have fallen out of my messy bun.
That’s when I notice how close she is to my face and my face burns up, “Oh I just wanted to do something different.” I lied. Truthfully, I dyed my hair because I admired her and I thought I would give it a try. It ended up just looking like seaweed got tangled in my hair. She laughs and she sits back. That’s when I noticed that she was just looking at me. Like REALLY staring right at me. Like she is trying to remember everything about me. It ends up feeling like she’s burning a hole straight through me. My heart started pounding. Does she hate my hair? Did I gain weight? Why is she looking at me like that?!
She finally blurts out, “Oh hey so how’s your family doing?”. It catches me off guard that I jump back a bit and everyone on the train looks at me like I’m crazy.
“Um well Andrew is going to graduate soon and my parents still run the bakery” I explain and Ali sighs.
“Wow, I’ve been away for too long. I planned on visiting, but there was a..situation that stopped me from making it. I’m only back for a visit to see how everyone is doing and then I’ll be off…” She slowly gets sadder as she keeps talking and I look at her and smile.
“You can always come with me. I’m sure my family would love to see you.” I say trying to bring her excitement back, but she just gives me a weak smile.
“Sadly I’m only back for a short while… I don’t have a lot of time, but I’m glad I got to see you. I actually was like in love with you when we were younger, but I never had the guts to say anything.” she tells me and I look at her with wide eyes confused.
“Wait, you like girls?” I ask when the second part finally hits me, “Wait you liked me!” I exclaimed and the train passengers looked at me again. I sit back down with my face bright red.
Ali blushes, “It’s true…I’ve liked you since we were kids, but I figured that’s how friends are SUPPOSED to feel about your best friend. At least until you had your first boyfriend and I wanted to kill him every time he even touched you”. I remember Steven, poor dude was really sweet but that’s around the time when I realized I do not swing that way.
“I’ve actually liked you too Ali. I actually also thought that it was a normal friend thing until I realized I cared about you a bit more than a normal friend” I confessed, twiddling my fingers. I finally told her the truth about my feelings as well. Ali looks ecstatic at first but slowly gets less and less excited.
“Listen, Ava, I’m sorry I never told you my feelings before. Maybe if I did…things could have ended differently. I’m sorry I’m too late and no matter what I’m always going to be here with you ok.” she rambles as the train comes to a stop and her eyes go wide.
“Dang I have to go, but it was great seeing you again. Goodbye.” Ali explains as she hugs me close and kisses me before she runs away. I race after her, but she’s already gone. Was she always this fast at running? I take off from the train station and find myself running all the way to Ali’s old house in hopes to see her there. I stand on the front steps and take deep breaths as I ring the doorbell. Ali’s mom answered the door and clearly had been crying. Her mascara was a mess and her eyes were bloodshot. Maybe she’s emotional from seeing Ali, I hoped.
I ask her, “Hey did Ali make it back yet. I heard she was coming home today”. That's when she breaks the news to me.
“I’m so sorry Ava, but Ali died last night in a car accident speeding towards town. She called me last night saying that she needed to get home to tell us and…you actually about something and it could not wait anymore. I wish I could tell you what it was, but I do not know. I’m sorry Ava”. That’s when I realized the reason why everyone was looking at us on the train weirdly everytime I flinched or even talked to her. It was because they could only see me… Only I could see her.
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