"Every day we should hear at least one little song, read one good poem, see one exquisite picture, and, if possible, speak a few sensible words."
~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
I woke feeling weak and my head spinning from sleeping too long. I picked my phone on the bed and turned it on. The time read: 10:00 a.m.
“It’s late, not the time I wanted to wake.” I spoke to myself. But I didn’t care. What is there to look forward today? No projects to write about as I checked yesterday. Only my messy quiet room since my roommate was gone to school. Books lay on the floor and dry clothes in drawers, waiting for me to fold.
I hadn’t fixed anything in my life. I didn’t feel like it.
I opened my phone to look at my unread messages. I saw that he had changed his Facebook profile already.
Why would he do that? When we were in a relationship, he had the cute picture of a dog his grandmother got for his birthday.
Why would he change now after we had broken up yesterday?
I gazed into his blank eyes, well shaped lips and the bushy eye brows. He wasn’t so perfect but I loved him. He didn’t seem so happy in the picture which could mean he wasn’t doing fine.
But what was he thinking when he replaced the dog with his picture after our breakup, only to remind me of what I had lost.
I read somewhere that a person changes their picture on the social media when they decide to make a new beginning. Of all days, it had to be the day after our breakup. I didn’t know people could get over their feelings for someone fast.
I recalled all the pictures I sent to him. I was not beautiful like all the other women in his life that’s why he wanted to breakup. Out of all the pictures I sent him during our relationship, he never sent me a single one. He was a complete mystery.
But there’s nothing wrong with me. Is there? I brushed the self-defeating thoughts from my head and picked up the laptop from the side table.
I opened my email. My editor might have left some projects for me to do this week.
A white screen greeted me.
There was none.
What am I going to do now?
I changed my location to the living room. Somewhere more fresh and not quiet. A place that is a bit noisy with the sounds of nature and the neighbors talking to keep me sane.
I tried to find something to search on my Google browser. Then my mind replayed the words he said to me last night at the bar.
“I don’t see our relationship going anywhere,” he said with a calm demeanor.
Why would he say that to me? Was he in love with me or was he pretending this whole time? Then what was the meaning behind all the words he said to me, the dates we had together, the smiles we exchanged. I thought he was falling in love with me as I was for him.
But my brain had no answers.
“We will never workout.”
I put my hand around my head and groaned. The headache came back with a sting in my chest. Tears rolled from my eyes.
It started all over again.